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AIBU - argument with Grandparent

5 replies

WeeRunnerGirl · 10/07/2023 21:04

Need some non bias opinions on the situation here please!

I have a 5 month old baby who is adored by my parents, especially my mum. Every year my husband and I go on one holiday with my side and one with his. It’s the same week every year but our first with a baby. A month ago we all got Covid and my LO ended up in hospital for the night with it. We fully recovered but I was due to meet a family friend, taking along my baby, who out of courtesy told me she was recovering from a bad cold. I was torn as to what to do but being a family friend, my mum had bumped in to her and so phoned me to say she thought I should cancel the meeting because we’d only just got better and my friend still seemed rather ill and it would be a shame for us to “get sick for the holiday”.

I cancelled the meeting and we had a lovely family holiday with my side. However, fast forward to now… we’re due to leave to go on my husbands side of the family holiday this week. I was due to meet my parents last week and so I specifically asked if they were all feeling ok. My mum said my dad caught the bad cold going about but that he was almost fully better. I weighed it up and thought it would be fine to go. When I arrived, my dad was still very much ill and was telling me how awful he felt and how he was finally feeling a bit better but still struggling. I was annoyed that my mum had played it down just because she wanted to see her grandbaby before we went on holiday. My dad had no idea of the conversations that were had between my mum and I.

The next day I was due to be home all day packing our things and my mum offered to come and help me look after the baby. I said ok as long as she was feeling fine still in the morning and to text me before leaving. I decided after sleeping on it, that I would be ok without the help - they live an hour away. However when I texted to say that, she replied that “they” were already on their way and would be here soon. I phoned, upset that she was coming with my Dad but she said he was now better and just sounding ill. When they arrived not only was my dad still coughing and sneezing, but he told me they had only been in the supermarket 5mins down the road from their house when I phoned and they could have easily turned back.

I know it might sound silly and I should get over it because baby needs to build an immunity but it’s that LO has now caught it from my dad and now we’ve got a poorly baby for the holiday. I just didn’t want to ruin things for my husbands family holiday, by intentionally subjecting LO to ill people & I feel like I’ve been gaslighted by my mum!!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2023 21:07

Yanbu but I think you should have stood your ground a lot more. You knew your dad was poorly when you arrived at theirs so should have just left. And you ought to have cancelled the mum to yours visit as she's likely to be harbouring. Certainly when you heard Dad was coming you should have said no.

Emmamoo89 · 10/07/2023 21:15

Yanbu x

Weal · 10/07/2023 21:16

YANBU- sounds like you mum acted a little selfishly, but also if your day knew he was ill he could have chosen to stay home too. Surely he understand that?

WeeRunnerGirl · 10/07/2023 21:21

Thanks all.
@Weal yes, my mum isn’t a very confident driver but has been trying to drive a lot more on her own. She has inferred that she was going to visit me on her own more but last minute changed her mind about the drive and thought it would be fine for my dad to sit in a different room….

A poor justification in my opinion.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz thanks, trying to be better at being firm. Just taking a while as I’m sure councillors would have a field day with me - I’m the product of a mother who has always been a bit emotionally manipulative towards me from a young age

OP posts:
Equalitea · 11/07/2023 10:29

I’d be absolutely livid. That’s really not on from your mum.

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