so this maybe a slightly long one as I don’t want to drip feed about my situation.
I had a rubbish childhood, poverty, moved house once a year, violent drunk dad etc.
I became pregnant at 17 and had my eldest daughter at 18 and went onto having 2 more daughters by the time my partner and I were 25.
our youngest was born well but became very ill suddenly and was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder when she was 3 weeks old. It was traumatic as we thought she was going to die for sure. She now has brain damage due to the hospital ignoring my requests for help which resulted in her having liver and kidney failure, sepsis etc.
Due to her being disabled I’ve had to obviously be her full time carer, which has effected our family financially and left us struggling a lot.
my husband works really really hard, always has done but we don’t have any help from family and went through 9 months of homelessness after having to leave our rental accommodation due to black mould and disrepair that made us all ill.
Eventually we were allocated an affordable rent through a housing association.
shortly after moving in I discovered I was pregnant which was a massive shock as we’d been very careful with contraception.
I sadly decided to terminate as I didn’t feel I was able to care for another what with my daughters needs and our money worries.
then shortly after that I had a cancer scare and was told to be on the look out for symptoms in future. For 6 years the dread built up in me and I became very depressed.
then my youngest started getting seizures in her sleep, they were horrendous and we were in lockdown so again no real help and I was taken back to the time when they ignored that my daughter was critically ill.
one night my daughter had a particularly bad one, luckily I was awake (if been staying awake at night to watch her for months) and in the morning I got a text from my dad to say my 4 week old nephew had died in his sleep.
then the following week I witnessed a man drown in the sea and heard his blood curdling screams for help as my husband tried to help rescue him.
Then I had a mental breakdown. I couldn’t get out of bed for 4 months, could barely stand to make a sandwich. My legs stopped working and I had all sorts of crazy symptoms and constant 24/7 panic attacks.
I did eventually get better and stronger and was even strong enough to visit my grandmother as she lay dying. and I was able to support my husband when his uncle hung himself.
The issue I’m left with now is that I feel a constant level of doom and distress when I’m home. It’s the place where I grieved the loss of dog, unborn baby, my nephew, my family members suicide, my daughters seizures and it’s the place where I had my debilitating nervous breakdown and cancer scare amongst probably a load of other stuff I’ve forgotten to mention.
I really need us to move as I feel that this place is honestly cursed since we moved here but logistically it’s almost impossible to do that right now. Meanwhile I’m hanging on by a thread worrying I’m going to slip back into that dark place again.
any advice as to how to deal with trauma/ptsd is welcome and thank you for reading if you managed to get to the end x