I've changed my name for this one only because I feel embarassed talking about it. I have lost over three quarters of my family to cancer. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was a few years older than I am now and lasted 5 years but died when I was very young. My earliest memories were visiting her in hospital all the time. The night she died me and my sister were in the next bedroom and could hear her screaming, i was only 8. All my grandparents, all aunts and uncles except one and more recently my dad have all died of cancer. I am convinced it'll get me sooner or later. the thing is it has taken over every waking minute. I am totally convinced i've already got it and am completely paranoid about going to the doctors for any reason as i'm convinced they'll tell me i've got terminal cancer. I even dreaded my ante natal appointments when i was pg as every test they did made me sure they'd find it. I even thought on my scan they'd see tumours somewhere. My sil forced me to go for my smear test a while ago and that came back with advanced cell changes that needed treatment. I've had problems since and am waiting for more smear results and again am convinced it will be really bad. My heart pounds every time the phone rings in case it's the doctors with bad news 
i've got a lovely little family and dh and can't enjoy them because of these thoughts. I tried to talk to a doctor recently but he just said counselling won't help and to come for regular check ups, but that's the thing I'm too scared to do. In my experience doctors don't cure people, (my dad really suffered when he was dying and a lot was down to the treatment, but he died anyway) so what's the point in getting a bad diagnosis confirmed. I'd rather not know I know this is rambled and sounds pathetic but just needed to get it down. sorry
Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.
General health
can anyone help??
carcinophobic · 10/12/2004 21:24
Sorry to hear you feel like this, [hugs] but it helps to talk and that's what we're here for 
This isn't something I can give advice on, but I have heard that following a good organic diet, with lots of beans/pulses in, keeps you in better shape than the usual fodder we usually see in our daily lives. I sope someone can give you better advice than this.
thanks zeph, that's another thing, I don't just worry for myself but for my children as well. Just hoping as the genes are diluted with dh (he has no history of cancer) then they'll be ok. i do feel a bit better for having written it down. sorry to be so glum on a friday night
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.