Bad back affecting daily life

[FLOWER1982]

My dh has always suffered with a bad back. He isn’t particularly sporty and leads quite a sentry lifestyle (works at home). He’s not overweight. His back goes through spells where it really affects him. He had a spell a few months ago where he couldn’t move and was in tears with the pain(he normally struggles to express any emotion). Out of hours prescribed string pain killers and was signed off work. He has had a few osteo appointments. He tries to do stretches. He is going through another bad spell with it. He is hunched over and walking in strange way where he can’t straighten out. The pain in his bum cheek. He is very moody, understandably, but it is affecting me and the dc now and it is very debilitating for him - can’t get in a car. He’s only young(late 30s). I’ve told him to make a doctors appointment to try and investigate the cause rather than give painkillers. But realistically what can they do? Surely he can’t carry on like this. I feel like it’s getting ,e down where he’s so snappy about it.

I’m not a doctor and I’m not even particularly knowledgeable on backs, but I had similar. I have to exercise (yoga, gym, swimming) to keep my muscles strong. Otherwise it can be agony and I simply can’t walk, can hardly move, getting to the loo takes five minutes! The only solution is strengthening your muscles. Probably a physio referral could help (it did me).

(FWIW I have also never been overweight. I lead a healthy lifestyle. But my back doesn’t like my computer-based job and has made that clear!)

I would say the problem is lack of movement - a sedentary lifestyle can really aggravate your back.

Could he try a standing desk?
From experience, I can't sit down for too long or my back is awful. Even staying in bed too long causes pain. Starting C25K has really helped!

He should see a physio and make sure he does any exercises he gets given.
You can self refer for the NHS where I am although I should think waiting lists are quite long. It is probably worth looking for a private one.

I am by no means a medic or expert but i can very much relate to this, the back/bum pain. My back problems got worse over the years and became quite debilitating. I now have to juggle a few things but they have made the world of difference: pilates, and on the days i’m not at class then do some of the stretches at home, strength training- i thought weights would break me but actually the opposite (done with a PT), making sure i am never sitting or lying for too long, and walking as much as possible.

When it goes get bad i get sports massage or osteo but have found exercise much more effective. I just genuinely cannot have even a few days off being active as it quickly worsens again.

Thank you all for your comments. I will get him to do the self referral for physio. I try and encourage exercise but hard when he doesn’t take my advice and has no love of sport. I can’t imagine 40 years from now if he suffers like this now.

Exercise and physio. Relentlessly. It's boring but necessary and works. I hate sport and exercise of any kind but I do it.

I started with back problems last year which turned out to be two slipped discs plus trapped nerve. I also have rheumatoid arthritis.
I have always had to do exercise to keep joints moving but the back problem meant everything hurt. I saw a physiotherapist who gave me a routine of exercises to do. It took nearly a year to be almost back to normal. I still do the exercises daily as if I don't it creeps back.
Please get him to see a physio (not osteopath or chiropractor) and they might convince him the solution is in his hands.

I’m a lot older than your DH, @FLOWER1982, and I've had intermittent spells of back problems, plus horrible arm & shoulder pain. I’ve seen several physios and osteos and fairly recently found a physio who really, really made a difference. It does entail doing the exercises. Yes, they’re boring but when they work it’s an amazing feeling. I was starting to think I’d never be pain-free again but this guy knows his stuff, so it can be done.

Good luck to your DH, the pain does wear you down.

That sounds very bad. He needs to go to the doctor and get an MRI. Soft tissues, including spinal discs, cannot be seen on x-ray. Exercise is almost always good but sometimes more intervention is needed — injections or even an operation.

@ShivWambsgans is right, he needs a diagnosis first. I had an MRI. The NHS wait was 5 months for the MRI plus 2 months for the result. Physio wouldn't touch me without knowing what was going on.

I was about to say exercise. I pulled a muscle in my back 6 years ago and it took months and months before I was back to normal. In the end, it was the back exercises that fixed me. You can feel the strength build up in your back. Even now, I do them every day, even though I've had no issues for over 5 years because it really was that bad

DH had this. He used his,private medical insurance through work (horrendous NHS wait), had an MRI and they found a prolapsed disc. Physio did absolutely nothing.
He had a spinal fusion two months ago and hasn't looked back.

Some really good advice, thanks. Well after the weekend, I told him to call the doctors to make an appointment today. Has he ? No. It does annoy me as he is always telling me how bad it is but then never does anything! He does need a mri to check what’s going on. Trouble is his parents are ones ‘not to make a fuss, just carry on’ and he is exactly the same. He has gone for a walk this evening so at least that is good. I will keep on at him.

Why is he not being more proactive. GP will order an x ray, then ultrasound, MSK referral, probably be seen by physio. Fight to get MRI done and be seen by consultant to find out what core issue is.

With respect a 5 minute google would've told you this.

I too would recommend him seeing a physio. I've currently got a disc bulge in my spine,which hits a nerve and is causing a lot of pain in my back, leg and hip. According to my physio, some exercises are good, but others should be avoided as they will make things worse. The physio also thinks the underlying reason may be due to issues with my hip. I think your DH really needs to see someone so they can work out what the problem actually is, what he needs to do, what he needs to avoid doing and what will stop the issue reoccurring. Backs seem to go wrong in multiple ways and advice from Dr Google is contradictory and confusing.

1. He needs a proper diagnosis and an MRI sounds like a good idea.

1. Consider a chiropractor. They can help a lot (but do your research, look for personal recommendations and my top tip is avoid any who tell you it will take 10 weeks of twice weekly appointments and a pre-paid for cost of <eye watering amount>. A good chiro may well offer a pre paid bulk buy discount but they don't want to be seeing you that often or for that long. Usually twice in first week or two, rapidly increasing to longer gaps between sessions) .

1. Core strength is v helpful for back pain generally. Yoga, pilates etc. These days there are lots of online options if he doesn't want to go in person.

1. At very least, regular walking, extending time and increasing pace over time is extremely helpful.

My partner is like this. I have to take a step back from health things- he never seems to be the one googling and asking for advice on HIS health issues.

i repeat “that sounds awful, please get some medical attention”. Although as a partner i know you care, his health is his responsibility.

I used to suffer from debilitating neck pain and now I do Adrienne's Yoga For Writers. Just this half hour set of stretches once a week is enough to keep my back and neck moving. It has made such a difference. Is there any chance you could persuade him to try something like that? It's free and can be done in private, and she's not annoying!