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Original poster

Dad's been diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

66 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 25/05/2023 22:12

My Dad, aged nearly 71, has been diagnosed with bowel cancer.

He has surgery booked for 08/06/2023. He needs to have a hernia repaired then the cancer part removed and then areas stitched up.

He has a lunge disease called COPD. I'm petrified about the surgery. They've already said he'll likely be in ICU on a ventilator for a while afterwards.

I wondered if anyone has any experience of this type of surgery please?

To add more complications, we're due to fly out on holiday on 10/06/23. I said I was going to cancel but my Dad has said no way.

He has this superstition that because he's been in hospital before when we've been on holiday, that I need to go so he will come out of hospital.

There's no way we'll enjoy the trip if we go but I want him thinking we're going away still so when he goes into surgery, he has that mindset that he must wake up.

I'm such an emotional wreck.

OP posts:
BabyRace · 25/05/2023 22:16

I'm sorry OP. Been there, its not pleasant. DFIL was further progressed than your dad sounds and ended up having a stoma.

Wishing him well 💐

worktired · 25/05/2023 22:25

My dad had similar a couple of years ago. They found a large tumour, removed it, then connected everything back up (it covered quite a bit of his colon).

He didn't need a colostomy bag, or any further treatment (chemo etc). They review him every 6 months just to make sure he's cancer free.

I hope things are as positive for your dad too.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 10:18

@BabyRace I'm sorry to hear it was further along. Is he ok now?

@worktired That's so good to hear your Dad recovered well. Can I ask how old he was please? Also do you remember how the surgery was please? I understand Dad may be in hospital for about a week but I wonder how long he'll still be unconscious for. I know it'll differ because of his COPD.

OP posts:
Remaker · 26/05/2023 10:35

Is he having laparoscopic surgery or a full abdominal incision? I had surgery for bowel cancer a couple of months ago. I had a full incision because I had most of my colon and a large number of lymph nodes removed but I don’t have a stoma, everything is functioning fairly normally now. I spent 10 days in hospital. My understanding is that laparoscopic surgery is a considerably shorter recovery time, although the COPD will probably complicate matters.

It was quite a challenging recovery and I really needed support from my husband but I didn’t want a lot of other visitors.

My cancer was completely removed but because I am in my 50s I was recommended to have chemo to reduce the chances of the cancer returning.

worktired · 26/05/2023 10:44

Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 10:18

@BabyRace I'm sorry to hear it was further along. Is he ok now?

@worktired That's so good to hear your Dad recovered well. Can I ask how old he was please? Also do you remember how the surgery was please? I understand Dad may be in hospital for about a week but I wonder how long he'll still be unconscious for. I know it'll differ because of his COPD.

He was 76 when he had the surgery. He had it in the morning and was well enough to text by evening.

Visiting was limited as they were still covid-cautious, but he was groggy and in pain for a few days afterwards. It also took a while to get his system working again - I think he was in hospital 2 and a half weeks altogether.

But once he was home his recovery speeded up and within a couple of months he was doing as much as he did before surgery.

Long term he goes to the toilet more frequently now (he's been told this is because his colon (I think) is much shorter. But that's all manageable.

Hbh17 · 26/05/2023 10:48

If they are operating, then there is a reasonable prognosis. Relative of mine was diagnosed with bowel cancer & no surgery was offered, as there would have been absolutely no point. You don't need me to spell it out....
So you need to see this as a positive - there is nothing to fear from surgery. Your dad presumably doesn't want a fuss (good for him), so you absolutely must go on your holiday and just let the docs get on with their jobs.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/05/2023 11:01

How long is your holiday? For the first few days he will be pretty groggy , and most units will not be encouraging visitors . My friend was able to speak on the bedside phone for a couple of minutes after two days, but that was enough for her.

Please listen, OP. When we are looking after or caring for someone who is in this sort of situation, we should to try to give them what THEY want , not what we think they should want, or even what we would want in their place.

that is the only clear way through. He has told you to go on holiday. That’s what he wants. Give it to him. If you are afraid that ‘other people’ will think you should not have gone, try not to take any notice, or to care. That will be part of your gift to him.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 11:17

Remaker · 26/05/2023 10:35

Is he having laparoscopic surgery or a full abdominal incision? I had surgery for bowel cancer a couple of months ago. I had a full incision because I had most of my colon and a large number of lymph nodes removed but I don’t have a stoma, everything is functioning fairly normally now. I spent 10 days in hospital. My understanding is that laparoscopic surgery is a considerably shorter recovery time, although the COPD will probably complicate matters.

It was quite a challenging recovery and I really needed support from my husband but I didn’t want a lot of other visitors.

My cancer was completely removed but because I am in my 50s I was recommended to have chemo to reduce the chances of the cancer returning.

You should so strong lovely. So pleased the surgery went well for you.

I'm not sure which type of surgery will happen as the hernia needs repairing first. I think the worry is him being under for too long as that will affect his long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 11:20

worktired · 26/05/2023 10:44

He was 76 when he had the surgery. He had it in the morning and was well enough to text by evening.

Visiting was limited as they were still covid-cautious, but he was groggy and in pain for a few days afterwards. It also took a while to get his system working again - I think he was in hospital 2 and a half weeks altogether.

But once he was home his recovery speeded up and within a couple of months he was doing as much as he did before surgery.

Long term he goes to the toilet more frequently now (he's been told this is because his colon (I think) is much shorter. But that's all manageable.

Show quote history

Thank you so much for the information. It's made me feel much better. Really hoping he'll be texting me later that day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 11:21

Hbh17 · 26/05/2023 10:48

If they are operating, then there is a reasonable prognosis. Relative of mine was diagnosed with bowel cancer & no surgery was offered, as there would have been absolutely no point. You don't need me to spell it out....
So you need to see this as a positive - there is nothing to fear from surgery. Your dad presumably doesn't want a fuss (good for him), so you absolutely must go on your holiday and just let the docs get on with their jobs.

Thank you. I love your attitude and reassurance.

It is very early stages so should respond well to surgery. I think it's just his underlying lunge disease that worries me re surgery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 26/05/2023 11:23

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/05/2023 11:01

How long is your holiday? For the first few days he will be pretty groggy , and most units will not be encouraging visitors . My friend was able to speak on the bedside phone for a couple of minutes after two days, but that was enough for her.

Please listen, OP. When we are looking after or caring for someone who is in this sort of situation, we should to try to give them what THEY want , not what we think they should want, or even what we would want in their place.

that is the only clear way through. He has told you to go on holiday. That’s what he wants. Give it to him. If you are afraid that ‘other people’ will think you should not have gone, try not to take any notice, or to care. That will be part of your gift to him.

You are 100% right. This isn't about me!! I really needed to hear that.

The holiday is for a week and I know if he's up for video calls, he would much rather see me on a beach than in person.

I've just said to myself, we'll go on holiday providing he is conscious. I can't bare the thought of flying off on holiday not knowing if my Dad will wake up or not.

OP posts:
BabyRace · 29/05/2023 20:21

Unfortunately he passed about a year after diagnosis, but he was stage 4 when he was diagnosed so much further along than your DDad. He needed a stoma but recovery from that, despite the cancer was quite quick so hopefully will be the same for you.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 30/05/2023 13:58

BabyRace · 29/05/2023 20:21

Unfortunately he passed about a year after diagnosis, but he was stage 4 when he was diagnosed so much further along than your DDad. He needed a stoma but recovery from that, despite the cancer was quite quick so hopefully will be the same for you.

I'm so sorry to hear this.

The surgery is next week and I'm so scared.

OP posts:
fancynancy123 · 30/05/2023 22:39

@Dinoswearunderpants

My dad is in a similar situation. We don't know details yet re staging etc (appointment is in a couple of days), but surgery is a risk due to other complications and previous bad reactions to anaesthesia. I am terrified for him.

How long between the decision being made for surgery and the actual date of you don't mind me asking? We also have a holiday booked and I'm worried about leaving my mum to cope alone, and worried about going and something happening to my dad.

Greybeardy · 30/05/2023 23:27

It's really not uncommon to do bowel resections on people with COPD. Who's told him he'll be staying on a ventilator?... has he seen an anaesthetist in a pre-assessment clinic? How big a deal the COPD is will depend mainly on how he is functionally (how active he is), and the operation they end up doing. They wouldn't be discussing surgery with him if they didn't think he had a reasonable prognosis. Hope it goes well.

KnottyKnitting · 30/05/2023 23:44

My dad had BC 5 years ago aged 78. It was stage 3 but thankfully not spread. He has a stoma as it was not possible to reattach the bowel once the tumour was removed. He was in hospital for about 6 days and then it took about a month to be pretty back to normal ( full surgery not keyhole) They didn't do any chemo as they said there was a 75% chance he had been cured and the risks of chemo at his age were far more risky.
He has been very closely monitored and has now reached the 5 year mark and continues to be in good health. Hope your dad's surgery goes well.

user1471453601 · 31/05/2023 00:10

As a pp poster has said, I wouldn't worry too much about the copd the medics have assessed him and will have taken that into account

I've had copd for over 30 years, 13 years ago I had part of my lung removed in a six+ hours operation. I was fine. In the High Dependency Unit for24 hours then on a general ward for a week.

It was a tough recovery, sure. And I was younger than your Dad, but he wants you to go, so go.

Nobody but him can go through this particular trial, so let him go through it without giving him the guilt that he spoiled your holiday.he

I wish your Dad all the luck

wafflyversatile · 31/05/2023 01:12

A friends dad was operated on for bowel cancer at 94 and made a full recovery. He made it to 100.

Good luck to your dad.

Nat6999 · 31/05/2023 01:51

My dad had copd & had bladder cancer, he had a full anaesthetic & was fine, he was 73 & was home 3 days later. I know it isn't the same cancer but the anaesthetic was fine.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:07

fancynancy123 · 30/05/2023 22:39

@Dinoswearunderpants

My dad is in a similar situation. We don't know details yet re staging etc (appointment is in a couple of days), but surgery is a risk due to other complications and previous bad reactions to anaesthesia. I am terrified for him.

How long between the decision being made for surgery and the actual date of you don't mind me asking? We also have a holiday booked and I'm worried about leaving my mum to cope alone, and worried about going and something happening to my dad.

I'm so sorry you're in a similar situation.

Dad had a CT scan at beginning of April that saw a mass. A colonoscopy was meant to be done within 2 weeks (2 week cancer pathway) but wasn't done until 7th May. This confirmed the mass was likely cancer and a biopsy was done.

Biopsy results wasn't available until 22nd May and a surgery date on 8th June was given a few days later.

Since the official diagnosis, things have been very quick.

It's hard as you look forward to these holidays but there's so much going on. Have you checked your travel insurance?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:09

Greybeardy · 30/05/2023 23:27

It's really not uncommon to do bowel resections on people with COPD. Who's told him he'll be staying on a ventilator?... has he seen an anaesthetist in a pre-assessment clinic? How big a deal the COPD is will depend mainly on how he is functionally (how active he is), and the operation they end up doing. They wouldn't be discussing surgery with him if they didn't think he had a reasonable prognosis. Hope it goes well.

I think the surgeon has said the COPD may cause raspatory issues. He has his pre-assessment appointment next Tuesday (surgery on Thursday) so let's see what they say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:10

KnottyKnitting · 30/05/2023 23:44

My dad had BC 5 years ago aged 78. It was stage 3 but thankfully not spread. He has a stoma as it was not possible to reattach the bowel once the tumour was removed. He was in hospital for about 6 days and then it took about a month to be pretty back to normal ( full surgery not keyhole) They didn't do any chemo as they said there was a 75% chance he had been cured and the risks of chemo at his age were far more risky.
He has been very closely monitored and has now reached the 5 year mark and continues to be in good health. Hope your dad's surgery goes well.

So pleased the surgery went well. I really appreciate you sharing the information with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:13

user1471453601 · 31/05/2023 00:10

As a pp poster has said, I wouldn't worry too much about the copd the medics have assessed him and will have taken that into account

I've had copd for over 30 years, 13 years ago I had part of my lung removed in a six+ hours operation. I was fine. In the High Dependency Unit for24 hours then on a general ward for a week.

It was a tough recovery, sure. And I was younger than your Dad, but he wants you to go, so go.

Nobody but him can go through this particular trial, so let him go through it without giving him the guilt that he spoiled your holiday.he

I wish your Dad all the luck

Wow that does sound like tough surgery, so pleased you made a great recovery.

I think you're right, he'd feel awful if I didn't go so providing he is conscious, I'll go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:13

wafflyversatile · 31/05/2023 01:12

A friends dad was operated on for bowel cancer at 94 and made a full recovery. He made it to 100.

Good luck to your dad.

Wow what a trooper. Thank you for sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 31/05/2023 12:14

Nat6999 · 31/05/2023 01:51

My dad had copd & had bladder cancer, he had a full anaesthetic & was fine, he was 73 & was home 3 days later. I know it isn't the same cancer but the anaesthetic was fine.

Thank you. It's reassuring to hear.

OP posts: