I have had health anxiety for over a decade now, never been to docs about the anxiety though. But I should have.
it all started when I felt run down and soembody made an innocuous comment relating to a disease, then I convinced myself they must be right. had what I think was a mini breakdown looking back at it. Got myself tested for disease, negative.
then it hit me one day; well what if it was XYZ instead? And oh fuck, my stomach dropped like a ton of bricks. Went from elated I’d tested negative to worried. spent the next decade thinking maybe I have that. Panicking about it. Never been tested for it. Not been to docs. I just tell myself I don’t have it. As time goes on, I’m pretty convinced I don’t. But I still think about it sometimes. Going to the docs for the first test was hard enough. Not sure I could do it again.
as I got married, the worry was that I was pregnant. Cus it’d ruin the dress/plans. I’d have had 3 normal periods in a row and would still go and buy a test for reassurance
these days, I seem to be obsessed with a new health Worry. And think about that a lot too. Worry about it often but again, reticent to go get tested/looked at. I am pretty certain it’s normal.
i feel like I have this doom like cloud over my head saying something is going to happen, you will get ill. Its a matter of time before you find out with what. It’s obviously because it happened to a parent - they got an illness and died - then a few years later, I have anxiety. Though I think looking back, I have some panic attacks before that too. It’s exacerbated recently due to having a child (now I worry I’m going to leave her behind, without me, and it breaks my heart).
I also wonder if I’m periomenopausal as I think things have ramped up in the last year. I am almost 38 so it’d be a bit early but not unheard of.
I do think the days I can’t cope are linked to my monthly cycle though. Maybe a change or surge or hormones. I think that’s when a tiny bit of stress sends me over the edge. Not health stress, any stress.
im also quite overweight now so that prob disrupts hormones further.
to add to my health anxiety, I now have a good 2 -3 non health things I think about often, worry about and obsess over sometimes 🙄🙄
it’s like my brain is continually searching for that threat, that thing that will “belly drop” moment. Whether it’s “you left the iron on”, to “that mole wasnt there before, was it?”
then I get a bit of work/life stress and it all comes to head, like I can’t cope. Panic.
I also find it really difficult to leave the house. It’s worse during those times.
I won’t drive anywhere anymore either. Well that’s a lie. I’ll drive two local ten min journeys but no, won’t go anywhere else.
writing out does make me question why don’t I go to the docs and sort this once and for all? But I literally couldn’t picture myself doing that.
myself aside- it sounds obvious but indigestion? I had Some earlier and honestly did question if it was a heart attack this morning for about 10 mins!!! I never normally get it at all! It bloody hurt - a lot.