I'm not contributing this under my normal name because I'm highly embarassed and ashamed of myself. I like to think of myself as a normal well balanced person and mum. I'd be incredibly grateful if you didn't try to work out who I am because I'd have to slink away in complete horror.
Life has dealt me a lot of bad blows recently and 4 months ago I went onto antidepressants. This had the effect of "curbing" my appetite. Add in all the stress I was under and my appetite disappeared. I started to loose weight. The problem is that my appetite has definitely returned but I'm still not eating much and I'm still loosing weight. To everyone around me I tell them I'm too stressed to eat but that's not strictly true. I've been enjoying the weight loss despite it being a really stupid way of doing it. This is going to sound mad - but it was something good. I started to fit clothes I haven't been in for years and it was fun. The problem is that I need to stop. I know full well what I'm doing is not only unhealthy but postiviely dangerous. The thing is my weight loss is the only thing I feel in control of at the moment and that feels good. I'm scared that in trying to start eating again I'll end up putting all the weight back on. I keep saying I'll stop at that date etc, but then that date comes and goes. I don't need to loose any more weight. I'd naturally like not to put it back on, but the weight loss itself seems to have come to represent something else inside me - goodness knows what though! I can understand teenagers doing this but I was normal, just stressed. Now I feel like a freak - mad almost. 
By the way I do understand how unhealthy and dangerous I'm being - why doesn't that get through to me! I'm really anti stupid diets so what the hell am I doing.
I feel really ashamed of myself.
By the way I haven't spoken of this to anyone at all, just carrying this all around in my head. Hope it doesn't disgust anyone.