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Original poster

Mother in Law - Major Stroke last week

24 replies

MABS · 08/12/2004 18:06

Any advice greatfully received. Last Thurs MIL had a stroke (bleed in brain) and wasn't too bad with it, Friday she was aware of people etc and had some movement. Since then she has been 'asleep' and yesterday doc said mortality risk was high for her and to expect the worst. We all prepared for it , then today she seemed to 'wake up ' a bit and def knew that dh was there as squeezed his hand. My dh is v close to his Mum and is rollercoasting at the mo between total despair yesterday and elation that there was a slight recognition today. How can i best help him deal with this?

Does anyone know how much of a recovery we could dare to expect? Currently she has no movement at all on right side, no speech and is incontinent . Many thanks for taking time to read this.

OP posts:
Goldfishincenseandmyrhh · 08/12/2004 18:18

I am sorry that I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to send you my sympathies. My FIL had a slight stroke about 6 years ago and he made a full recovery - he was out for a walk one day and apparently suddenly didn't have aclue who or where he was. Luckily some one bought him home, as we live in a village, so he was recognised. It was horrible for my dh then as FIL also had bowel cancer a few years ago and wasn't expected to make it, but he did. I know how helpless my dh felt then. All you can do is be as supportive and comforting as possible. It is so difficult. I hope someone else has some advice for you. Sad

spacedonkey · 08/12/2004 18:31

mabs, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice to give either, but wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your news Sad

My mum had a fairly minor stroke a couple of years ago now and has made a good recovery. Immediately after the stroke she was very weak, her right side was affected and her speech was slurred, but she has made a really good recovery in the 2 years since the stroke.

From what you say your MIL's stroke is quite serious and I should think it's impossible to say how much of a recovery she may make at the moment. As for supporting dh - I'm sure you are already doing all you can to support him - just being there for him, being willing to listen and all the things that I'm sure you are doing anyway.

Sorry not to have something more positive to say, do let us know how you all get on and here's hoping that your MIL makes a good recovery XXX

myermay · 08/12/2004 18:32

sorry to hear this mabs. I know how you feel. My gran had a major stroke last november, we found her alive 36 hours later - still makes me feel sick, thinking how long she was alone for.

Like your mIL, she was paralysed down her right side, couldn't swallow, therefore couldn't talk, eat etc. TO start with she made an improvement, perked up, knew who we were. She was fed through a tube in her nose, but they can only do that for so long - then had the op. to put the tube in her stomach. She then developed perataitas (sp?) and died a few days later. In all she survived about 6 wks after the stroke.

Apparently this is the worst type of stroke they can have on their left side of the brain, which effects the right side of the body.

When she died it was a releif to us all, it's horrible to see someone who's always so strong be so weak. It sounds quite slimiar to you Mil, and i'm so sorry that she and you are all suffering. So in answer to you question, 6 wks we had my gran for but you could see in her eyes that she hated every minute of it & didn't want to be here anymore.

All the best & keep us posted

snowvary · 08/12/2004 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowdonim · 08/12/2004 18:33

Sorry to hear this, Mabs. My Mil has stroke last summer, thoughy it doesn't sound as bad as the one you describe. She has made an excellent recovery.

Is your MIL in a Stroke Unit? If you can get her into one, it will be a good thing as they are much more specialised than an ordinary medical ward. Don't give up hope, stroke victims can make astonishing recoveries. Best wishes.

cranberryjampot · 08/12/2004 19:02

My mum had a brain haemhorrage three months after my dad died 13 years ago and made a full recovery. She then had another 7 years ago and we were told she would probably die. She was completely comatose then she had another bleed and woke up! We were ecstatic, she had had a tracheostomy and so could not speak but she could "mouth" words, and she had no sensation or power in her left hand side. She improved to the stage where they moved her out of ITU and into a side less dependency ward but was moved back to ITU after a couple of days. She was trying to tell me something about my son as she kept mouthing something about "James" and "cupboard" but none of us could work out what she was trying to say which was quite upsetting for all of us. She then had another bleed and died in the early hours of James' first birthday. A few weeks later when we were in her house we found a birthday card to "a darling grandson" so think she was trying to tell us where the card was. Sad I hope she does pull through for you but please dont get your hopes up just because of a few "good" signs. xx

myermay · 08/12/2004 19:16

jampot - that's such a lovely story about what your mum was trying to tell you - it must have been conforting when you found it & i bet she was smiling down at you all

Donbean · 08/12/2004 19:24

hello Mabs, Sorry to hear about your MIL its very sad.
Unfortunately what the Drs are worried about is a secondary bleed and pneumonia.
These are Secondary complications which may go hand in hand with such a problem.
Not nice advice, nor good news but i think that this is what you are asking, is it not?
Good luck and im thinking of you x

Original poster
MABS · 08/12/2004 19:32

thanks all, really helped me. I want to be realistic about it all x

OP posts:
7samsaswimming · 08/12/2004 19:41

Mabs, I'm going through exactly the same thing with my MIl, she had a massive stroke on October 31st, and 5 1/2 weeks later is still with us. Like your Mil, she is asleep most of the time, but has had a few moments of being with us, all other symptoms are the same,apart from the odd words which have surprised us all. She has been moved out of the stroke ward into a geriatric ward this week, with a view to transferring her to a hospice. The doctors have told FIL that they could do the operation to put a tube into her stomach but he has declined this. She is on a drip but is getting very little nourishment- some yoghurt last Tuesday was the last- over a week! It is hanging over the family, with no plans being made for Christmas as we don't know what to expect. She is a lovely quiet dignified lady and we know that she would be hating this time. Feel free to CAT me if you want as it is a hard time. Best wishes xx

myermay · 08/12/2004 20:14

So sorry to hear this, 7samsaswimming. Strokes are awful things to happen & often completely out of the blue. Thinking of you.

noddyholder · 08/12/2004 22:37

Mab I am so sorry for you all My dp used to work in a stroke rehab The Wolfson Centre and they had a high rate of recovery I will ask him when he gets home tomorrow xx

SilentBite · 08/12/2004 23:16

Oh MABS I'm so sorry :( I have just been through this with my stepfather - he had a massive stroke at Easter and pulled through (just), sounds v similar to you MIL actually. He was in hospital for 3 months, then moved to a nursing home and sadly he died last week - he kept getting infections and had no quality of life, he then got a blocked bile duct and they said that he only had a couple of weeks left - he died very peacefully 2 days later with my mum at his side.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it is a fairly common picture of someone with a major stroke. The drs told us that 8 out of 10 people with this severity of stroke will die within a year and the other 2 could go on for years. Having seen the lack of quality of life and loss of dignity that he suffered, tbh I am happy for him that he was one of the 8, I think to live in that state for years must be appalling.

On the other hand you never know, some people really do make miraculous recoveries. I shall be thinking of you xx

MariNativityPlay · 09/12/2004 10:33

So sorry to hear your news Mabs and 7Sams. From what Donbean and SilentBite say, it may be for the best for your MILs if they just slip peacefully away. Thinking of you both, and you too SilentBite.

spacedonkey · 09/12/2004 22:02

Thinking of you mabs x

ernest · 10/12/2004 08:45

mabs I'm so sorry. Just hopw you have news soon & praying for strength for you & your mil & your dh at this terrible time xxxxxxxx

spacedonkey · 16/12/2004 22:01

Hope you are ok mabs, I keep thinking of you and your family

Original poster
MABS · 17/12/2004 20:38

sorry for my lack of contact. After regaining consciousness yesterday and eating a little, my MIL died today .

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 17/12/2004 20:39

SO sorry to hear this mabs {{{ hugs }}}

snowdonim · 17/12/2004 23:17

I'm so sorry to hear this, Mabs.

CountessDingDongDrac · 17/12/2004 23:28

Mabs so sorry.

But honestly you wouldn't have wanted her to go through the hell my stepfather did in the months he survived (I am silentbite btw). I hope your poor dh is ok. ((())))

Original poster
MABS · 18/12/2004 19:37

Many thanks girls. It's a nightmare at the mo , dh and his sister are in bits and my 10 yr old is distraught. Funeral is Thurs, thanks God this side of Christmas. x

OP posts:
noddyholder · 18/12/2004 19:39

Mabs I am so sorry especially for your little girl Xmas will be so sad for you all.Love to your dh and his sister

yuleicorn · 18/12/2004 20:41

really really sorry to hear your sad news Mabs...
sending you + your family loads of {{{{HUGS}}}}} and as much support as will help you all get through.

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