Concerns for older teen?

[GloriaMoss]

Okay so this might be the wrong place to post this, but I am very worried. Please point me in the right direction if not.

My eldest son mentioned something to me this evening that I cannot shake from my mind. He works at the local newsagent and the new weekend girl there is worrying him. She has head lice, and it's obvious its been going on for years. She is extremely skinny and he says he rarely sees her eat. He also notes that her personal hygiene is not the best (he wouldn't go into detail, but did mention that she smells and probably doesn't brush her teeth/hair much) and she has admitted to not being able to bathe very often because of the cost to her family. He says she seems very sad and lost most of the time... She is either 16 or 17 and so I am unsure if this counts as child neglect? Or is it depression? Or both?
Either way, I want to do something, I just don't know where do I turn? He says their manager says its none of their business, and that she is old enough to sort herself out, but I disagree.

It does sound like neglect. Does she attend a school or College you could contact to speak to their Pastoral Team? Her Manager sounds shocking.

Yes the manager doesn't really care, he's very cold.
I'll see if my son can find out where she attends school or college. It's just hard to know where to go as, owing to her age, would she be considered responsible for her own welfare? Or would the parents? I know she's under 18, but I am not 100% how old.

I used to work in a school and safeguarding is of paramount importance. If she is a pupil either at a school or college, then they will have a Safeguarding Lead - someone who specialises in such concerns - even if she's 18yrs. Universities have similar and the kids there are 18 yrs + so I do think that's probably the best route to take. The Safeguarding Lead will speak to her to see how she is and will keep a close eye on her and maybe meet regularly to build up her trust in order to establish what's going on. The chances are, if she is in a school, her family may be known to them anyway.

I do think it's lovely you are wanting to help as it's strangers who often alert schools/colleges etc who can then go on to put the support in place for the student via their teacher/pastoral team and yet, that stranger often never find out that their initial call made all the difference to that pupil.

I hope this helps,

Many thanks. I'll do my best to reach out to them once I know where she goes to school. It's hard to know if there is any help or support in place already, or if she's on any radar. Just from what my son said, it seems like the issues have been ongoing for some time. I know there is at least one local school that is bad for picking up on this level of neglect and I wonder if she goes there. I just don't feel like, at 16/17, she is old enough to deal with this herself, or knows how. If it is on-going neglect, I cannot imagine she knows any different.

Yeah it is really sad and it should be every school's priority. I was a Business Manager of a school for 3 years until 6wks ago and altho I wasn't the Safeguarding Lead, every staff member have to undertake annual training on these matters as we'd often pick up issues working in the office with seeing parents/kids each day. I can't tell you how many times I've referred matters to be investigated and something that seems minor ie a child being unusually late to school for a period of time can unravel all sorts of problems affecting the child in their home life. It's a Govt must that every school makes safeguarding their priority, so I'd definitely give the Head of Year/Deputy Head a call. I don't think you will rest until you have and that call could make the difference. Good luck and it's warming to know there's strangers around who care. X

Thank you. Just a few updates from what my son was able to get out of her over the weekend. He used to be a counselor/helper to the younger kids in school, and is currently doing a mentorship program as part of his postgrad degree so he is quite good at getting people talking.

• She is 17 and I know where she goes to school.
• School doesn't seem to be doing much to help her right now, but it may be because all of her siblings are troublemakers (I think the police are involved with them? Son is unsure as she didn't elaborate) and a lot of the focus is on them. I suspect she might be keeping to herself/out of the way/head down because of that... Son agreed she is like this at work.
• Her mother puts a chain on the fridge at home and she is quite limited in what she eats (sounds like my niece who is autistic by son did not ask) so often, she can't access the food/others in the house eat it before she can.
• It seems like her siblings might be favored over her? They steal her stuff and break into her room and the mother doesn't seem bothered/still blames her. They also steal food she buys for herself.
• She cannot remember the last time she was taken to a dentist.
• She gets bullied a lot in school and a lot of people who used to be her friends have turned on her.
• Her mum is quite detached and spends more time playing candy crush and smoking when at home than anything else.

He said she said more buy she just kind of rambled and mumbled so he couldn't take it all in, but yeah... I would consider this neglect? I'm not alone surely? But it feels like I am because I get the impression not much has been done to help this girl. Maybe I'm just going crazy. I don't know.

Either way, I have reached out to her school but not heard back yet. But its the weekend so I'm not expecting to just yet.

This is sad and a typical example of neglect. I would drop the school a follow up email (for the attention of: Safeguarding Lead) to say you contacted them concerning this particular child and could they confirm they are investigating matters. The School cannot divulge too much, but if the Police have been involved, there's every chance Social Services are too.
You've done the right thing in contacting the school x