DS's dad has had Brain Haemorrhage Berry aneurysms

[IdreamofClooney]

Hello

I was wondering if anyone had any experience or advice they could give me.

My DS's dad (my ex) had a brain haemorrhage and has had an operation invloving inserting coils to stem the bleeding.

at the moment he has a one in four chance of having a stroke which is pretty scary.

I've not been to see him in hopsital as I am not sure if he would want me to, and I haven;t told DS as he is only 2.

It is all very scary adn I don;t feel that I am coping well - I am just getting up and sticking to the routine - I have arranged for nursery to take DS when he would usually be with his dad so DS is in nursery full time which I cannot afford, let alone with no financial support from DS's dad so I am stressed to the max and cannot see how I am goign to manage.

If anyone has any advice that would be great as I am only just holding it together!

No advice, but bumping.
Hope you're ok.
Do you want to visit? If you do you could ring the hospital and ask them to ask your ex if he wants you to come.

Thanks a lot for answering.

I just don;t know what to do, I'm not sure if he would want me to visit but feel that I should go and take him some photos of DS and get DS to draw him a picture etc.

I will phone the hospital and ask.

Thanks

I'm sure he'd appreciate some photos and a picture.
Hope someone comes along soon who knows!

I suffered a brain haemorrhage my one was called a sub-arachnoid harmorrhage in 1997 when I was 29.

Each case is different so there are no hard and fast rules as to outcome etc. But the fact he is still alive counts for alot as alot of people just literally drop down dead when it does burst.

They have now changed the procedure - I had open brain surgery to clip. But these days they go in through an artery in the groin and do it internally.

Fingers crossed for him IdreamofClooney but the fact he has got this far is a good sign.

Thanks furball, I am glad to hear that you are clearly alive and well to tell the tale!

As far as I know that is exactly what he has - a sub-arachnoid one.

He has the new operation - it freaks me out that they go in via the groin - could you get much further away from the brain? He has platinium coils inserted in his head.

The stuff that I have read on the BBC website links it to heaving drinking and smoking - both of which Ex does (one of the many reasons he is my ex).

So I feel guilty for feeling resentful that he may have not exactly caused this to happen but certainly made the risk more likely by his extremely unhealthy lifestyle but I know that this can happen to healthy non smokers and non heavy drinkers too so I mustn;t dwell on that.

It is all jut so scary for me and I am so worried about DS and how to explain things to him.

Did you have children when it happened to you?

No I didn't IdeamofClooney - I was living in Greece for the 4 years previous and decided to come home for the winter in the November - it happened in the february (Pancake Day to be exact!) Thank god I'd made the decision to be in England - if I'd been stuck on a Greek Island, god knows what would have happened. I too smoked quite heavily at the time and did used to go out alot drinking, although I wasn't one for getting drunk.

I had an angiogram (sp?) where they enter that vein in your groin and feed a tube up to your brain and insert dyes and x-ray it all to see where the bleed is. You are awake for it and it's not pleasant. But the medical know how to me is overwhelmingly a marvel and to that I owe my life.

It's funny how it all pans out, as when back in England I started temping and sat next to my now Dh. We had a few drinks together over time but weren't really very serious. But he sat by my bedside literally the whole time I was in hospital and 18 months later we were married! Ds appeared on the scene 5 years after that.

They didn't mention any risk of a stoke, in fact it was all quite casual after the op I was in the major hospital (50 miles from my home town) before being transferred to our local hospital for a week then literally left to go home. 6 week post op check - they just said 'is everything OK?' I said yep and that was that.

have you been in to see him?

I suffered with having really vivid dreams about silly things like going shopping and bumping into friends and would wake up and believe they were real and when people came to visit me in hospital I'd say yep everythings great went clubbing last night and they'd look like . it didn't last long (a few weeks) and happened because they'd been tinkering with my brain.

Thanks furball - your experience sounds v simialr to Ex - he had dye put into him to so would think it is the same thing. I've not been to see him as I am not sure he would want me there or not. We have not been getting on well (well obviously as we split up but I mean on top of that) and I only put up with his behaviour for DS, as if it were up to me I would never want to see him again as he is selfish and immature.

I am glad to hear that you are fully receovered and waht a lovely story about your DH.

I hope that DS' dad does pull through I;ve not heard anything yet so assuem that he is recovering well/

Will just have to wait and see/

I always tease dh and claim it took brain surgery for me to marry him

well hope for your ds sake his dad is fine. You may find his personality changes slightly. Mine did but for the better, I became less selfish, more thoughtful and more patient but I do have some short term memory problems - I can never remember what I've forgotten!! usually it's silly stuff like to ring someone or to take the actual shopping list with me etc. I remember I've forgotten when prompted though but long term I can remember years and years worth of real trivia. Thats just part of 'me' now though and just the way I am.

Thanks furball

I am hoping that in a way this will give him a shock so that he wil sort himself out and stop lving life like an 18 year old, but then I feel guilty for thinking that when he is so ill.

I worry that the Dad that DS loves so much will never return (although for me that would not be a bad thing as I really have been pushed it my limits with his childish behavour and it is high timehe grew up)

Will keep my fingers crossed