My uncle is dying - what to do in his final few weeks

[elesbells]

He had a liver transplant last year that has rejected. They have been trying different anti rejection drugs but to no avail. The doctors sent him home from hospital yesterday saying he had a few more weeks if he is lucky as there is nothing more they can do for him. He is too weak for another transplant.

He wants to have a party which is happening this weekend (he gets tired easily so don't know how much of a party he can manage) but I want to know what others have done in a situation like this? Do we offer to take him anywhere he has never been or carry on as normal? I want to spend time with him and show him how much I love him (I can't recall ever telling him before ) He was so good to me as a child and I feel at a bit of a loss now on how I should act Iykwim?

Advice greatly received tia

Presumably he's fully aware of the prognosis, so why don't you ask him what he wants? Certainly make suggestions, too. And don't be shy to tell him that you love him and appreciate him.

I've not been in your situation, but I know that it gave my grandfather great joy that I brought his great-grandchildren to see him. He lived in another country and we went to visit for two weeks. We stayed elsewhere but visited him for at least an hour nearly every day.

Play it by ear elesbells,sa Pretty suggests, see what he wants & spend as much time as he can manage with him & with other family members so you can all support each other.

Awful situation for you, hope it all goes OK.

Oh, you must be going through hell. If I could send you a giant hug then I would. Then I'd take you to the pub. My dad doesn't have too long either. I'd like to take him to places we loved to visit when I was a child, somewhere that holds special memories. Ask him if there's anywhere else he'd like to go or anything he'd like to do. I know people that have made hand prints and have turned them into stepping stones in their garden. I'm sorry, I can sort of imagine how you are feeling and it can't be nice.

Sorry to hear this. We were in this position with my grandfather a couple of years ago. I don't know about the going somewhere, because he was too ill, but I can imagine your uncle might appreciate the offer whether it happens or not. But what he valued the most was simply chatting- just spending time together sitting and chatting over old times- particularly our childhood and the part he had played in it. Wishing you strength.

Thanks

I just feel so useless I suppose. Its silly that we don't appreciate people until its too late I think we just assume people will always be there - now I feel like we are all wasting time.

It doesn't help that all my mother wants to do is complain to the hospital that he didn't get the right treatment I understand its just her way of grieving but she keeps saying it to him ffs. We've had a bit of a fall out over it which is the last thing we need. life's a beetch sometimes.

poor you elesbells...

i lost my dear grandfather suddenly and was certain not to feel the same when my grandma died

iiwy i would do lots od chatting over past good times - lots of verbalising your love for him- tell him what he has meant to you and your family over his life

i also tried to find humour - felt there was sadness and tried to make dgrandma laugh - moaning about other rellys etc just to make her feel alive - though the inevitable was obvious,,,,good luck x

I would offfer to go and sit with him - and write down or record any stories he would like to be remembered.

I have something similar from my grandad and it is lovely to reread it and hear his words.