I think my mother is in the early stages of dementia - but what do I do ?

[cmotdibbler]

I've just spent 3 1/2 days with my mum, and am fairly convinced that she is in the early stages of some form of dementia. She has really severe problems remembering the words for things, will tell you the same thing 4 times in a day, is more forgetful than in the past, but most worringly is getting quite snappy and shouty. This is totally unlike she was in the past, when I'd describe her as the most calm person I'd ever met. For instance she shouted at 20 month old DS for chewing the zip of his cardigan.

So, what do I do ? I could speak to Dad, but shes most stroppy at him (I thought it was just the two of them winding each other up before, but its clearly beyond that), and don't know what he could do. No other family to ask, and I live 70 miles away, so can't casually speak to any of her friends.

BTW, she is 67, type II diabetic and on an assortment of drugs for that and back and joint pain. Is it possible that these could be causing this ?

I'm also worried because she says on a frequent basis that she'd kill herself if she had dementia.

My nana has altzeimers but she is much worse when she has a urine infection - it might be worth a chat to her GP

The GP is going to be cagey about talking to you & may give you no infomration - but explain your fears and see hwat s/he does

I'm fairly sure that some forms of dementia can be managed (somewhat) via medication. It may be that there is a chemical imbalance that is causing/contributing to her condition. Try doing some research to see what you can learn, and then would definitely be worth a chat with a doctor to see about setting up tests that could determine what can be done.

This might be helpful:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerontology

I can't direct you to any specific websites atm, but there are definitely some that exist that support the family as they approach this subject with the person in question (many are American, but that doesn't matter as the problem is still the same). As you might expect, the person with dementia is often quite defensive/resistant/hostile to this sort of conversation, so you might be able to pick up some tips about how to proceed.

The quicker a diagnosis can be made the better. If your Mum does have Alzheimers then the sooner treatment starts, the better the chance of her not continuing to deteriorate. If she has Alzheimers then she would benefit by going onto one of the anti-Alzheimer drugs and being seen by a specialist, getting a referral to memory clinic and so on. Please be aware that if she does have Alzheimers then all these things will slow down the disease progression but not cure the disease. The most important thing is to get a diagnosis and act quickly. Your Mum will probably very resistant to this and very, very upset - unfortunately without the diagnosis she won't get the treatment.
As another poster said other illnesses like infections can make someone appear to be quite irrational and confused. Your Mum has Diabetes so it's possible that her blood sugars are erratic which would also account for the irritability and forgetfulness. Again, it needs sorting for you, your Mum and family to see exactly what's going on.
My Dad has Alzheimers so I can understand some of the emotions you might be going through right now.
HTH,
Kath

so sorry to read this.
I was also going to mention about a urine infection.
If you think she'd be up for it, talk to her about seeing her GP for a general health check, call the GP as well to explain. They won't call her in though, she'll have to make the appointment. It's so difficult, we had all this with my Grandma. She started well over a decade ago, and by the time we fought to get her any sort of help it was a bit too late AFAIK it is much more manageable these days and some of the drugs are fantastic.
If she does have dementia (and that is an if) then this forum is really good.
Could she be depressed at all?

She does need to go via her GP, but your mum needs to be seen by a specialist in assessing dementia, usually at a local memory clinic or by a psychiatrist who specialises in older people. Either you dad or yourself can initiate the process, they should be well aware that patients with possible early stage dementia do not tend to spot this themselves.
There are some very helpful drugs for early stage dementia, but sadly some of them are not available on the NHS - if you afford to pay for them they have great results in about half (or more) of patients, the rest they don't work for - you would see in about 3 months whether or not they were effective.

Loshad - we didn't find that at all, all HCPs were adamant my Grandma had to ask for help herself
Oh and they'd ask her the ages of her (grown up) grandchildren as a memory test. She'd answer 11, 9 and 6 and they'd be happy with that answer

That's awful polarbear, they just failed your grandma and all of you

My mum goes to the memory clinic and takes drugs for Alzeimers. My dad insists that she doesn't know that she's got alzeimers, and is happy to tell anyone that that's what's wrong with her. It's impossible to know the truth. I've talked to her a bit about it and she says that the clinic is pleased with her.

My father is a dreadful bully and an appalling control freak. 45+ years of serial bullying and dv can't be good for anyone, yet my mum has chosen to stay with my father.

My parent's doctor is a god freak, which is a bit scary.

The Alzeimers Society has lots of helpful information. Help the Aged may provide help too.

Thanks for the advice. Her diabetes is quite well controlled (one insulin injection per day plus tablets), and she does see the doctor frequently. Don't think she's depressed.

I'm going to phone the Alzeimers Soc, then call Dad when I know mum is out. I think he has an appointment with their GP next week about his diabetes, so maybe he can talk to them about it then.

cmotdibbler, that's a really good idea