Phimosis in DP - circumcision fears, any positive success stories?

[bananastraightener]

Hi, my DP has had phimosis for quite some time. He didn't realise he had it until he met me and I only noticed some months into our relationship (give me a break, I hadn't been with a bloke for quite a while before then so I think I forgot what a standard penis was meant to look like).

It means it's really hard for him to finish from penetrative sex, although he doesn't have issues with finishing from other activities. He went to the doctor about it and has been stretching and using steroid cream for a few months - it's helped a bit but not really that much. He still can't retract much and penetrative sex can be uncomfortable and not that stimulating for him.

We have a wonderful and happy relationship and communicate really well, but we're both finding this difficult. He recently went back to his doctor to say the stretching hasn't worked, and was referred to a urologist. The GP basically said though that circumcision was the only option at this point, and it's put the fear of God into DP.

He's terrified about it and worried about losing sensation, which I do completely understand as apart from PIV our sex life is very adventurous and fulfilling, and he enjoys himself in plenty of other ways. I know there are other options such as frenuloplasty and prutioplasty, but I'm not sure what the urologist will suggest. I feel really bad for him and wish there was another way, but we would like sex to improve for us.

Any positive success stories of this? I keep seeing things about men who regret circumcision and feeling anxious that it won't work out well for DP if he has it done. He says he wouldn't blame me or anything - apparently he's just trying to get his around it and the surgery worries him. So has it gone well for anyone - what were the results? And did anyone else's DP absolutely panic ahead of the operation? Looking for a bit of reassurance here. But also hoping there might be some way he won't have to go the full hog.

Thanks @squeakstick that is really reassuring! I know it's more common than you think to have it done as an adult. Can I ask what issues it was causing your DP prior to having the op?

Sounds like it really did have the best result for you both! Yep, took ages to convince DP to go to the doctor in the first place, let alone to go back again. What are men like, I swear... I said to him just take it one step at a time - the urology appt is soon so at the very least he doesn't have long to worry about it.

Aw, my husband had acicumsion at 30 due to this condition. He was nervous but so pleased when it was done. Minimal soreness and sex much better for him afterwards.

Really helpful replies from you both. I'm definitely feeling a little better now. Feel like there's scope for him to get over his fears a bit and to find the courage to potentially go through a circumcision if needed.

Agreed that it can be very hard for men to talk about these things, and probably why some take ages to get it sorted. DP is 33, btw. I think he knew on some level there was an issue as he'd had similar problems with PIV with previous partners, but I gather his previous girlfriends weren't so direct with him 🤣🤣 compared to me.

Also glad to hear it wasn't as horribly painful as all that - surgery is never nice but hopefully they'd give him good painkillers.

DP had it done at age 32 due to an accident with some jeans with a rough metal zip...also very drunk.....pain lasted about 3 weeks, do talk to doctor about the different styles they can do...look it up as some look nicer and neater than others...high and tight is the american style most have over there...looks nice... dp might get his done again as nhs left some odd incision scars which dont affect use but look a bit odd on close inspection !

@earsup Omg, what an awful accident for your DP, sounds like every man's worst nightmare but glad he's ok now, if not ideal aesthetically. I think if I mentioned different styles to DP right now the poor lad would spontaneously combust!

My DH was circumcised when he was 26 due to phimosis caused by BXO. Sometimes when he did manage to retract his foreskin it would get stuck behind the head of his penis and swell up. He found PV really uncomfortable. Anyway the operation under a full anaesthetic snipped it all off. He had a week off work and walked around the house without anything on until the sensitivity calmed down. The dissolvable stitches fell out after about ten days and it felt more comfortable after that and after four weeks it was in perfect working order although the novelty of no discomfort caused premature ejaculation for a few months. He is happy with it and it feels and certainly looks better than before and really is much cleaner. I’ve had no episodes of cystitis since his op. He really thinks it’s one of the best things he ever did and regrets not getting circumcised when it was first offered when he was 18. Ignore all of the anti circumcision posts. Even for an adult it was no big deal and once it’s sorted life and sex just get better. Good luck.

An ex had it done at a similar age.

The funniest thing was the post op swelling necessitating his wearing baggy grey jogging bottoms for the first time in his life and the my laughter at the swelling made him blush - which then led to the increasing bloodflow spreading exactly where he didn't want it to...

He didn't seem to encounter any functioning issues afterwards.

Thanks so much for all the info, it's useful to know it worked out for your DH and you. Good to know that premature ejaculation for a bit is a possibility. DP seems to be feeling a lot more positive now as we approach the appointment - we'll see how it goes.

Hi lovely people, just thought I'd pop back and update the thread. DP has now seen the urologist and they've recommended a dorsal slit where I think the hole is widened and the frenulum cut and moved. They think this should fix the problem. He seems to have gotten out of his funk, and while he's nervous, accepts something does need to be done.

Popped back to update again in case anyone ever has the same issue. DP had the frenuloplasty and some slits at the side - he can now pull back the foreskin behind the head. He was very uncomfortable for the first week or so, and then it felt quite sensitive for a whil after that but he's fine now.

Waited 7 weeks to road test it, due to his nerves. So far so good, sex seems more comfortable for him and he finds it easier to finish. So all in all, think it was a good thing to do, and I'm so glad he was able to get over his fears and have this issue fixed.