STDs

[Bumblelion]

Sorry, not a very nice subject, but thought I would raise it. Bit of background history first ...

Me and my husband (ex-DH) have been separated since February (finally) but he did not move out until September. I had started seeing someone in June of this year but things never really got going until x-DH finally moved out and things seemed to progres very quickly with B as we had been "seeing" each other since June - not that long I know.

Anyway, before we started "sleeping" together (mid-September) I had had the coil removed as I felt I no longer needed contraception when me and H split as I felt I would never meet anyone ever again.

The first few times me and B had sex (sorry to be so blunt) we used a condom but, as I got to know him better (and a good friend of mine has known him years), I started taking the mini-pill - see new thread soon! Because I felt I was then "protected" we no longer used condoms - silly of me I know, 35 years old and not acting sexually aware!

All was fine until we split, briefly, for 10 days. We got back together again recently (still early days - got to get lots sorted) and, after having sex with him again, I find out via a friend B had slept with someone else while we were apart (without a condom I presume). This person B slept with is basically a "slag" and is well known in our area for having been about a bit. B will not admit to me that he did this although my good friend would have no reason to lie to me.

I have now decided I am going to my local hospital tomorrow (with my good friend) to get "checked out". I have never been to my local GU clinic and am not sure what questions they will ask, will they judge me on my behaviour, what tests will they do and what do these tests involve.

I appreciate this is a delicate subject but any advise would be appreciated. I am attending the hospital tomorrow regardless - to put my mind at ease as anything else.

I can't be the first woman (with 3 children) to go and be "checked out".

[megg]

Bumblelion regarding the GU clinic I went to get checked for chalmydia as the doctor said it would be quicker than him testing or referring me. Its the nicest clinic I've ever been in, the staff are lovely and if you don't want to answer a question then thats fine. The atmosphere is relaxed and its all very discreet. I wish all clinics could be like that. Luckily in my case I just turned out to have a yeast infection so good luck but please don't worry about the clinic. The staff certainly don't judge you but then I guess as they must see more than a fair few prostitutes and the like they've probably seen it all anyway. Good luck.

[Bumblelion]

Megg, thanks for your comment.

I don't even know what the symptons are for any STD (chlymadia, syphilis, gonorrhea). I don't have any symptons but I need to be checked out for my own peace of mind. I just don't want to be made to feel like a "dirty slag", to think he has "cheated" (although we were not together) on me is bad enough and if I do have anything it can only have come from one person - him!

Those out there that know my history - marriage ended because of my (long-finished) affair would think I am a hypocrite - me feeling bad at the thought of B cheating on me when we don't exactly have any commitment towards each other and me cheating on my H after 8 years (when the affair started) of marriage.

[Bozza]

Bumblelion we are not here to judge you and you can't exactly help your feelings can you? For what its worth I think you are being quite brave and far-sighted actually going to the clinic rather than burying your head in the sand.

Sorry I am unable to offer you any advice because I am quite inexperienced in sexual matters really!

[Bumblelion]

Bozza, that last thing I want is to be judged. I was married for 11 years (although I did have an affair during that time) and had only two sexual partners - husband and "lover". Now I find I am back on the "single" scene, I find I am not sure what to do - although I am definitely not going to sleep around. I think "B" is "bad" for me (start new thread I think) - but I have got to come to this conclusion for myself. I can't honestly believe I am going to get checked out but I need to for my peace of mind and it will also reinforce it to myself that B is not good for me and I would do well to get shot of him - although it is not that easy when you do like someone (although if he is/was sleeping around, obviously he doesn't respect me as much as he should).

[Bozza]

Of course you don't want to be judged Bumblelion - it just sounded like you thought that with your comment about "thinking you are a hypocrite". Still think you are being amazingly sensible about it all. Good luck for tomorrow BTW.

I cna imagine I would have similar feelings to you should I ever re-emerge on the singles scene post children.

[prufrock]

Bumblelion don't worry about the clinic. The people in them tend to be very non judgemental. It is in their interests to encourage as many people to get checked out as they can so they are not going to want to make people feel uncomfortable. They will ask about your sexual history - your's sounds really quite limited to me They will do urine test, blood test if you want HIV checks and probably a cervical swab. If you were a guy they would stick a big stick down your uretha - DH said it was most painful experience ever! The only thing they might question that would be at all uncomfortable is about why your current partner is not with you, as they do like couples to get checked out together.

There are many STD's (including chlamydia) which are symptomless so you are right to go and get checked. Good luck

[SueDonim]

Bumblelion, I used to work in a hospital and the GUM clinic staff work are well trained in their job, so don't worry about that aspect. But Prufrock is right that your partner needs to be checked out too, because if he has something then he could just pass it straight back to you, unless you insist on a condom long term. Good luck.

[megg]

Bumblelion how did you get on? Hopefully it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

[Bumblelion]

I went on Friday and it really was not that bad at all. I didn't feel I was being judged at all. I explained my background history and the reason I was there. They were very kind, very considerate and didn't make me feel I was "dirty" in any way. I was not having any symptons of anything, and am still not, but they took all the swabs and they all came back clear. The only one I am waiting for (get results on Friday) is chlamydia which, as you say, is symptonless. After posting this on Thursday, me and B had a massive blow up Thursday night (see other thread) and it is now definitely over. Thank goodness. I have told the GU clinic his name and have told him that I would be giving his name but they said that, because of confidentiality, if it showed up I had anything they would give me a note to pass to him (which I could get to him via a friend of a friend). Fingers crossed for Friday although I am not unduly worried.

[bundle]

Bumblelion I'm really pleased you were dealt with in a professional & non-judgemental way (I'd expected that, but you do hear of horror stories) by the GU clinic and glad you've got that b**r out of your hair! fingers crossed for your results, bundle xx

[prufrock]

Bumblelion, they didn't make you feel as if you are "dirty" because you aren't! Glad it wnet OK, and well done for getting rid of transition man.