My husband has some problems he won't face up to. When I got to my wits end a good friend of mine told me to save my own soul not his. Not in a religous sense. So I have made a real effort to sort my own head out. I clear out my drawers, try to pay attention to my own health, contact my family and friends, get books I like out of the library, go to a group therapy session once a week. What else?? Put the immersion on so I can have a hot shower, repot my plants, enjoy having the cat on my knee, make soup I like.
What's amazing is that he has started doing mini projects to look after himself, eg clearing up some of the stuff on his chest of drawers, used to be a horrible dusty heap, going through his drawer of paperwork, tidying up his business card tower!
I had to take full command of the children too. I have been putting them and me first for about 9 months now. It feels a bit like tough love, but without the love. It is having an effect. My husband actually said something nice a few weeks ago: I was scared about making a phone call and told him in the evening after I'd dealt with it. I nearly fell over when he said that I could have called him and asked him to make the call. GASP.
What else, the children have been sharing more with me about their problems. That has made life a lot more difficult, but it was just hidden before, because I was putting my husband first for no good reason. Too much of an old fashioned marriage. Now I and the children come first. I think he realises it is a privilege to have us around, not a burden.
He still hasn't gone to the doctor for proper health care. I do point out that the internet has great men writing on it using phrases he would identify with, but he hasn't admitted to consulting his fellow men on the web yet.
So, say a bit more about your situation if you want, this thread is about you and your DH.