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Original poster

What does comfort obs/palliative care mean?

19 replies

Neome · 27/12/2022 23:58

My 88yo mum is in hospital. She went into A&E on Christmas Eve and was moved to a ward today.

Her calcium and potassium levels are bad and not responding to treatment.

She has been referred to the palliative team and is on comfort obs only.

I feel confused by varied messages from different nurses. Could she recover or continue poorly for a long time (days? weeks? months?) Should I be substantially changing my plans ie cancelling social visits in next few days and staying nearby for longer than school Christmas holiday? Is she on potentially on the brink of death?

I’d appreciate any perspectives, I’m not at all sure what I should be saying to my family.

OP posts:
talkingmorenonsense · 28/12/2022 00:02

She’s dying @Neome , I’m so sorry. How long it will be isn’t possible to know but it will be days rather than weeks. 💐

Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 00:05

I’d suggest you ask to speak to a doctor (doesn’t need to be a consultant) tomorrow if your mum’s situation hasn’t been properly explained - it really shouldn’t be left to a passing nurse to explain what is going on. But generally, when we move to comfort care, it is because we expect the patient to pass away in the next day or two I’m afraid.

It’s always possible for patients to surprise us, and obviously I have no idea about your mum’s condition except for what you’ve said here, but that is generally what it means.

LifeIsHardAlways · 28/12/2022 00:05

Very sorry but shes dying. They’re now just going to keep her comfortable until she passes. I’d assume you may only have days.

EmmaAgain22 · 28/12/2022 00:07

I'm sorry OP, I don't know why doctors are so reluctant to say they think the patient might be nearing the end of life. It sounds like it. My dad was here weeks after I thought he'd die. I'm afraid you need to gird yourself. Flowers

RustySprings · 28/12/2022 00:20

If mum has been moved to palliative care and comfort observation, then the medical staff basically can’t do any more for her other than make her comfortable. As others have said, it would be best if you don’t make plans, stay close and get an opinion and update from a doctor tomorrow. Thinking of you 💐

AriettyHomily · 28/12/2022 00:23

I'm sorry, it's about making her comfortable until she dies. Can you ask for clarification from the team about what the plan is, take notes if you need to and write down questions if you have any so you remember to ask them.

Original poster
Neome · 28/12/2022 00:27

Thank you, it’s tremendously helpful to hear this from you all. I don’t want to give false hope to the extended family - her sisters, my cousins, children and grandchildren. I want to be as mentally prepared as I can be.

I was with her when she was taken in the ambulance and felt strongly that she was fading.

She has come back from the brink a few times over the years but this feels different.

It’s a bit difficult to ask doctors questions as my brother is her carer at home (so is the one who talks to them) but is finding it hard to speak about.

From your experience is there anything that will give her comfort? She is being nursed beautifully.

OP posts:
EmmaAgain22 · 28/12/2022 00:29

OP "From your experience is there anything that will give her comfort? She is being nursed beautifully."

I talked to my dad about happy times, reminded him of his favourite songs etc.

BradfordGirl · 28/12/2022 00:57

I agree about talking about happy memories.
Also if there is anything you want to say to her now is the time. I thanked my mum for all her hard work and love in bringing us up. I wanted her to know how much I loved and appreciated her.
Also if there is anyone who might want to see her before she dies, now is the time to contact them.
Ask her if she wants anything? Special food like chocolate mousse? Perfume? Hand cream? But she may want nothing except you and your brother there.

saraclara · 28/12/2022 01:04

When my DH was dying (at home) I and my daughter's sat on/by his bed and chatted, shared memories, and laughed at remembered funny moments, while he was either unconscious or close to it. It helped us, and I hope that our voices, sounding relaxed, loving and warm hearted, eased him on his way.

It's all you can do, really. My best wishes to you.

BradfordGirl · 28/12/2022 01:06

If you are able to, you might also want to talk to her about any funeral plans and what she would like.

Original poster
Neome · 28/12/2022 09:11

Thank you for your kind and helpful responses. 🌸

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 28/12/2022 09:14

So sorry you are going through this Neome x

ihateexcel · 28/12/2022 09:23

Its a hard time but try and make it nice for her. Ask what favourite food or drink she wants, even if it is just a taste on her lips, bring in her favourite perfume and spray it around her, play music she likes.
Also make sure she is not in any pain. Palliative care teams are amazing and really helped my family a couple of years ago with MIL. We put drops of Baileys on her lips and she smiled and asked for more.

gogohmm · 28/12/2022 09:32

It's very hard to say because people are different but music playing quietly, massaging her hand gently with hand cream, reminiscing with her whilst she's lucid and with other visitors about happy times, finally reassure her you are all ok, many people want to know their family will be happy without them, hard as it seems.

Some people want to plan their funeral and/or wake (this is what I do so I've made many bedside visits in the last days) it's comforting for some people but be guided by her

pilates · 28/12/2022 09:39

Having her family round her playing her favourite music?

comfortablylesslumpy · 28/12/2022 09:41

I am sorry you are going through this.

When we knew my Mum had reached the end (she was at home), we sat with her, (and had family menbers visit), looked at photos, talked about old times, and even did facetimes to relatives further away and abroad.
There were a few hours where she was really quite lucid and was taking it all in.
Later that day she became sleepy again and never fully woke up.

I hope the doctors can give you more of an update today x

Borntobeamum · 28/12/2022 16:54

I was able to stay at my dads bedside for 10 days - they moved him to a sideward and we were allowed unlimited visitors. They even brought us all tea coffees and biscuits.
He was given pain relief via a pump that they changed daily and he was turned and bathed in bed regularly.

The staff were amazing.

I spent hours playing him music in You tube, especially during the night when I couldn’t sleep. He was unconscious towards the end after a massive stroke, but Music had played a massive part of his life so I just knew he’d want music surrounding him.

I spoke to him only holidays we’d been on to lake Como and what a fantastic dad he was. I told him mum would be looked after well and not to worry about her.

I was privileged to have spent so long with him. I miss him dreadfully but I hope I did him proud 💔

Original poster
Neome · 28/12/2022 17:25

This is all so helpful. It’s good to know that it is ok to be there as much as I can be.
Does anyone know what primary school policy about this reason for absence might be? Unfortunately we’re a long way from home.

OP posts:
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