Need advice on how to handle horrible nurses

[CorrodedCoffin]

My mum is currently hospitalised following a broken hip. She will likely still be in hospital over Christmas and she’s just lost her mum so she is obviously a little more emotional that usual, but she has been phoning me up over the last week in tears because 2 night nurses on her ward have been making her feel terrible for needing the toilet.
During the day she has absolutely no problems and can’t sing the praises of her nurses enough, so I know she doesn’t have a problem with nurses in general.

Basically, she can’t go to the toilet unaided and they have a wheeled commode that the nurses are supposed to bring to her, and then clean her up afterwards. Apparently these two nurses have been making a big deal about her needing the toilet at night. Last night she was kept waiting so long she ended up going in her bed. They then forgot about her and she was too embarrassed/frightened to call out to them again, so she spent all night in it until the day nurses arrived in the morning and cleaned her up. Again, all the day nurses have been wonderfully supportive and told her that accidents happen and not to worry herself about it, but she’s agonising over the thought that the night nurses will have a go at her tonight if they find out what she did.

I want to ring the hospital and say something but I’m really not sure how to handle this kind of situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

PALS. This is unacceptable.

Pals. Absolutely not ok.

They may be HCA's. Important to check who it is. Does she know their names?

Complain to PALS. The contact details should be on the hospital website

Sadly this was my experience of night staff too, it was horrible. Complain to the matron on the ward, say you don't want to take it further but you feel you will have no option if it happens again. In my experience it really does help if they know there is family around who will kick up a fuss.

Same happened to my mum with the night nurses. Only reluctantly brought the commode grumbling about smells on the ward and when they left it they said And you can clean yourself up! This to a sick lady over 90.

That’s horrific, absolutely needs addressed and why your poor mum lay in her own urine all night too. No one should be scared to speak up for fear of Nurses taking it out on them later. So so sad!!! Horrifies me to think of people going through this, your poor mother.

I am a nurse - please please please complain about this! I would be horrified if anyone on my team/ward was behaving in this manner towards a person who is clearly vulnerable and in pain! It is absolutely unacceptable not to assist someone to use the toilet/commode regardless of what time it is! I hope your mum recovers quickly!

My FIL was in hospital recently
He soiled himself in the night and they chucked a pack of wet wipes at him and told him to clean himself up. Wjen my MIL came in at 9am he was still laying in it. He died a few days later.

My dsis is currently in hospital. She was in intensive care for a fortnight where everyone was lovely. She says the general ward is awful and the night staff are cruel and unfeeling.

I'm a student nurse. It's stories like this and staff like these that make me absolutely determined to never ever turn into someone like that. This needs escalation, it is absolutely out of order and I'm so sorry for your poor mum.

Why must they be HCAs?
Horribly judgy!

I experienced similar after my C-section on the postnatal ward. Day staff wonderful, night staff made me cry when I buzzed as I needed the toilet & couldn't walk there myself. The attitude was disgusting & I felt so alone in the middle of the night with no family around.

Please mention it to the person in charge of the ward & escalate if necessary. Even more vulnerable patients without family to advocate for them might be suffering similar too.

In my experience, the HCAs are never as kind and efficent as nurses. I've spent the last 5 months visiting very sick people four or five times a week in three different hospitals including a large London one, and my heart always sinks when I see that badge.

I’d be cautious. She’s the one stuck in there having to deal with this. It’s all very well to complain and it will make you feel better but will it make things worse for your dm?
My experience of PALS with an elderly parent wasn’t brilliant.

This is truly horrifying. I’m so sorry. 😢

Straight to PALs for this, then you know it will be followed up correctly.

Good point
We complained, and my FIL was then treated even worse.

She did say, may, not must.

@CorrodedCoffin your poor mum.
@Greatly your post about your FIL brought tears to my eyes, that poor man. And sadly
seeing other posts it sounds like these are not isolated incidents.

I don't know the answer, it feels like you should complain but I would worry about things being made worse. It scares me for my family but also for those who have no one to advocate for themselves.

OP, this was exactly my experience. DM was receiving care as she had cancer. She needed to vomit due to the chemo and a young nurse threw the bowl at her.
I am a HCA so I would come in everyday to toilet/shower/change pads etc. I ended up toileting, feeding, charging phones and ringing families for the other patients on the ward. Ironically I applied to work at Ipswich hospital (online application) and never got back call back!

When my elderly Dad was in a similar position and equally neglected, I bought a shed load of cardboard/disposable gents 'bed pans ' and inco sheets. If he rang at night and got no help he used those. He was able to maneuver off the inco sheet and stow it. We gave away a lot to other chaps on the ward which was a bloody ridiculous thing to have to do. We never complained though we should have done.

I would ring the ward now and ask to speak to the Sister in charge. Explain what has happened, tell them that you do not expect a repeat of such behaviour from the night staff and will expect your mum to be checked up on regularly to ensure she doesn’t find herself in such an awful situation again.
Then also contact PALS. You are your mum’s voice whilst she’s in such a vulnerable situation.

Men's cardboard urinals 60p each, presumably there is similar for women and incontinence bed pads, £15 for 50 ish. But of course there is no way anyone should have to do this.

I would speak to ward manager and explain the situation and your concerns, it may have been a genuine error on the night shift because they were extremely busy and dealing with far too many patients and simply forgot, not acceptable, but not malicious or deliberate. You mention your mum is more emotional than usual so is she perceiving the nurses to be upset with her when they’re not? Worrying they will tell her off, but they wouldn’t have anyway?

I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing at this stage, but I would definitely speak to someone senior to complain and discuss your concerns about her care. It may be that this is an issue with some of the night staff and not simply an error, but if it happens again or you don’t get a satisfactory response from the ward manager I would go to PALS and ask for her to be transferred to another ward if possible.

Go to the hospital ask to speak to the senior ward sister. Make sure you get her name and title, and address her by her name.

Tell her what happened. With staff names if Mum knows them. Give her the dates/times so she can check who was on shift/ responsible. Then say you want this incident of patient neglect entered in the ward report. Ask what will she do to make sure there are no repercussions for mother.

Give Mother a notebook and pen and encourage her to learn all the nurses names. When asking for help remember to use their name. " Nurse Jones, could you help me use the commode please. ".

With a broken hip she probably isn't able to do it on her own.