How do i tell dd1 that daddy needs a new heart?

[misdee]

dd1 is 4.5years old. she knows that today daddy went to hospital so the doc could check his heart as it isnt too good. Dh is being referred to harefield for transplant assessment, am guessing that will happen in the new year.
But dd1 is at the age of lots of questions, and i really want to be honest with her but ot scare her with too many details. how do i do it? is there a book out there somewhere?

Hiya Misdee - sorry to hear about dh. I would be honest with her to the extent that you aren't lying ie carry on pretty much as you have done - let her be aware that he is going to the doctor etc but I think 4 is too young to deal with any more info than that. When you're little it's scary enough when on of your parents is ill/going to hospital but I think if she knew any more it might confuse/frighten her. Good luck, I'm sure she'll be fine - hope it all goes well.

misdee sorry to hear your news xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You could say that the doctors will need to do an operation to make daddy better. google threw up this site but it's more about explaining to a child who is having a transplant - maybe you could adapt the info in the pdf file the have called "Organ Transplants: What Every Kid Needs to Know now"

Sorry to hear this Misdee.I don't have any experience in telling children about illness ect.Have you tried your local library? Ours has lots of books about going into hospital/dealing with ill/disabled friends relatives ect.They may have something that she will understand & that won't worry her.

I'll keep everything crossed for your dh.

dont forget that kids by that age have a general basic idea about your heart and what it does so to say anything too much might be a bit daunting for a young mind

Mirgae, havent tried the library yet, as got back late from the hospital. dh has been ill since dd1 was 2yrs old, so as far as she can remember daddy has always had a bad heart and cant run about like other dads. she is quite understanding really, and tells him to rest. dd2 even quietens down at times when daddy needs a rest and sits and watches star trek with him.

Aww bless her, she sounds like a little superstar!! I would honestly leave it as it is though. Just say Daddy is going to hospital to get his heart made better, then when she is older you can tell her more

We had this with ds and there were no books.He saw me on dialysis and we told him that there were some spare kidneys for people who needed them and that the doctors were looking for just the right one for me so we would have to wait a little while.We also told him that some people are born with a slightly weak kidney(in my case)and it doesn't last as long as a stronger one so they replace it.Kids accept whatever you tell them really and your ds sounds lovely and will probably look forward to when daddy's better rather than worry about the op itself HTH

I think you need to answer questions as and when they crop up. Start with a fairly basic explanation and leave it to her to ask more, although making sure you are "encouraging" her to express any fears she may have.
When my dd was 3.5, her daddy suddenly became acutely ill with complete heart block. By that evening he had a pacemaker, which has now been in place coming up for 4 years. I was honest with her from the start, although protected her from a lot of my anxieties. At school they talked about it a bit, about how ***'s daddy's heart wasn't working properly and what had happened (this was done very informerly, but was helpful in as much as dd sometimes expressed feelings to her teacher that she was trying to protect me from). Her teachers kept me well informed of how she was. I am adamant in feeling that keeping communication channels open is absolutely vital.
Now dd and I have a great, very open and honest relationship which I think was founded when dh was ill.

I really wish you and your family the best. Remember there are a lot of people on here who can support you at any stage during the next few weeks and months. Look after yourself as well, as everyone will be relying on you. Make sure you have someone to offload on.

Sorry if I've said more than was asked for, but I feel so much when people talk about heart conditions.