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Original poster

Am going to have to have a word with DD1 and I'm not looking forward to it ONE BIT

18 replies

2sugars · 29/01/2008 06:18

Basically, she's got fluff under her arms now (which I'm not sure even she's aware of) and I need to talk to her about periods etc (not sex if I can help it). She's 9.

I sooooooo wish I'd started talking blithely about it from an early age, so she kind of know what they were, but I didn't, and so here I am not really knowing what to do. I bought a book - Girls Only - but how do I broach the subject before I give it to her without embarrassing/shocking her? And how on earth will I find time to be on my own with her, without dd2's ears flapping?

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Furball · 29/01/2008 07:13

Could you speak to her after dd2 has gone to bed and just sort of say. I've got an interesting book here can we read it together?

Why don't you want to talk to her about sex? I think they teach it in year 6 anyway now, surely it would be better to hear it from you and she can ask questions etc?

chocolateteapot · 29/01/2008 07:20

My DD is the same age and her friends with older siblings have started talking a little about sex - though I think it is their take on what they have heard rather than fact in a lot of cases. I have explained about it to DD as I would rather tell her than her pick up a series of half truths from friends.

My Mum was always open and relaxed about things like periods so that by the time I had mine it didn't seem a big deal.

Original poster

2sugars · 29/01/2008 07:25

That's my point ctp - I haven't been open and relaxed in the past, which is why I'm up a gum tree now.

FB, they both go to bed at the same time (only 14 months apart)

OP posts:

Furball · 29/01/2008 07:26

if only 14 months - can't you give them 'the talk' together?

Original poster

2sugars · 29/01/2008 07:27

I suppose so FB. OH GOD, this just gets worse and worse.

OP posts:

Furball · 29/01/2008 07:35

I'm sure once you get going with it, it won't be that bad. Please don't dread it or put it off. My mum was never told by her mum, so she was determined to tell me properly and let me ask any questions, I am always grateful to her for that, it is important and scary and the reassurance from you is vital.

shabster · 29/01/2008 07:35

My DS (in year 6 at primary school) had 'the talk' last week at school. On our way home he said 'its not fair the girls in the class had a private talk with the nurse and the boys had to do maths' I asked why and he said 'something to do with periods - what are they and how come we cant listen!!!!' I just thought 'in with both feet we go' I explained to him and apart from going bright red he was very interested.

I havent got any daughters (4 sons) but I think I would just say things like 'it drives me mad having to shave under my arms but thats just part of being a grown up' try to make little jokes about it or say how you felt when you started to grow up.

They do have the talk in Year 6 - dont worry you will get there

Original poster

2sugars · 29/01/2008 07:47

I suppose what I'm really scared of is - well, scaring them.

I gave blood yesterday and h picked me up with dds from the church hall. There mere MENTION of blood and they wouldn't come near me. DD1 actually cried and said 'Don't do that again, will you Mummy?'

OP posts:

Miaou · 29/01/2008 07:59

2sugars - if you are not comfortable with it then try to do it in a "no big deal" way. Eg do some craft activity with them at the table, then just casually drop it in to conversation. Removing the need for eye-contact will reduce your stress and any embarrassment they feel because they can busy themselves with what they are making! But ironically the message is more likely to go in.

I would start off by asking about PE and had they noticed other girls' bodies changing (ie don't make it personal). Talk about puberty in general at first - invite them to tell you what differences they are aware of (girls get taller than boys, have mood swings, get spots etc), get them involved in the conversation. Then you can go on to the periods stuff.

HTH.

shabster · 29/01/2008 08:06

oh love please explain what an amazing thing it is to be a blood donor - tell them how it hardly hurts and the massive importance it has to people who are ill. Try to be confident and they will pick up on it immediately. As soon as you talk to them with confidence and humour they will realise what an amazing mummy they have

chocolateteapot · 29/01/2008 09:29

It will be fine 2sugars. Try what Miaou suggested, be doing something together then just bring it up very casually. My Mum told me about periods first when we were baking cakes I remember.

You're not up a gum tree, it's still plenty early enough to introduce these things and get on a good footing to move onto the bigger stuff once you've had practice.

It will be a doddle when it comes to dd2.

Original poster

2sugars · 29/01/2008 10:36

I know I will be stuck at the first hurdle - does it come out of your bottom or where you wee from? Erm, no, it, erm

God I'm rubbish. Even at just thinking about it. And to be honest ctp, I really don't think I've got that long. Poor little thing is one of the very youngest in her year group - her body is ready for things I don't think her head is. Mine certainly isn't!

OP posts:

bozza · 29/01/2008 10:43

2suagars you just have to explain there that girls have an extra hole. I recently explained that to my 6yo DS, due to my SIL being overdue with a baby so him wanting to know how it gets out. Actually in the car can be a good place for these kinds of conversations IME.

tibni · 29/01/2008 10:48

my dd is just 9 but physically immature (gymnast and ballet dancer, very slight). DD has never really asked questions so I broached the subject and like you had a book handy in case my GCSE biology wasn't enough!

She was interested but not over interested and took it in her stride. I emphasised that she can ask me anything and talk to me about anything, and if I don't know the answer then we can find out.

My mum didn't tell me anything and my period started at 10 (early compared to my peers)

Hope the anticipation is worse that the actual telling. You will be very proud of yourself when you have actually done it.

Good luck

Jackstini · 29/01/2008 11:00

Sure you will be fine - let them ask the questions and then you can tell them what they are asking to hear.
fwiw, you may have got off lightly - I asked my Mum when I was 7!

nutcracker · 29/01/2008 11:02

Snap 2sugars, I also have to have the same chat with Dd1, who is just 10.

She goes away on a school trip to France in March and I'd never forgive myself if she started her periods whilst away and I hadn't spoken to her about it.

She has never ever once asked me any questions about anything like that, or sex, which is why I have not mentioned it until now.

jesuswhatnext · 29/01/2008 11:15

tell her the bald facts, don't go into huge detail and just answer any questions honestly - she will only ask questions up to the point of her understanding, reading the book together is a good idea aswell

hermionegrangerat34 · 29/01/2008 11:56

Years ago my mum got me 'The Body Book' (I saw it in the ELC recently which reminded me!). It was great - starts with what happens to your food when you eat it all down to excretion. then goes on to puberty and all the differences that occur. It mentioned sex at the end but not in great detail - I think it was 'a special kind of cuddle that adults do who love each other very much' and linked to conception. Highly recommended.

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