I cannot cope anymore :(

[Catchingrainbows]

I’m a FTM to a beautiful baby girl who is 5.5 months old

My birth was pretty traumatic and I was ill after with anemia and still recovering from covid. I had huge anxiety about being so ill.

My LG has always been formula fed and I feel she had a bottle aversion from being on incorrect formula and pressured to feed.

She’s now taking bottles alot better but I have and still do have major anxiety about this and feeding in general because I’m scared we will go back to that place of rejecting bottles.

For the last 2 weeks I have been having horrendous sleep. I will fall asleep easily on the sofa but wake up at 2am / 3am
or I cannot get to sleep until 3am.
My LG doesnt wake for feeds anymore, she might stir for her dummy but there are many hours now where she is asleep and I cannot sleep.

I feel exhausted and it’s impacting on my MH.

Today I thought about how I would end my life if nothing gets better.

I just feel like a failure, like I cannot cope with this, with being a Mum. I don’t know who I am anymore.

You need to phone your GP today for an urgent appointment. You are not a failure, you are sleep deprived and exhausted but things can, and will, get better

We're so sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support on this thread but we just wanted to add a few more links to organisations which may be able to give you some support in real life.

First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which can give you some extra support.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123.
Your baby is still very young and you may well be experiencing postnatal depression, so we'd urge you to take a look at an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through PND & AND. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776. Please take a look at their website and consider giving them a call - we know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past.

We'd also urge you to take a look at the [[https://www.cry-sis.org.uk/
cry-sis website]]. Their helpline number is 08451 228 669
and their lines are open 7 days a week 9am-10pm.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ. We really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

Hi sweet, I would advise you to speak to a professional as soon as possible, your gp could maybe be your first protocol. Try face to face mum classes sometimes seeing other mums help and remember being a mother at times is challenging, so many thoughts run through your mind and that’s normal because you always want to ensure the best for your child but guess what you are the best for your child no one else, you’re not a failure you’re a super mum and you’ve got this be proud of yourself you’re doing the hardest job on earth

I remember this very well. My anxieties were mainly feeding related too. Please go to your GP xx

OP you are suffering one of the toughest times of your life. Many of us recognise the things you are going through.

You are not alone and you are not a failure.

It is going to get better - hang on to that.

This suffering is terrible - and lack of sleep makes it even worse - but it is temporary.

For now you do need (and deserve) your GP and some real-life support!

Thank you everyone
I went to my GP yesterday and he has prescribed me a low dose of anti depressents
I feel scared to take them?!

x

You need a break - reach out to someone close to you - a friend / relative / partner / neighbour. Tell them how you feel and let them help you. Being a full time parent is alot and you need a break and some rest.

Please take them, there's nothing to be scared of.
They'll help calm your mind so sleep is easier.
But you also need real life support.

I have took my first one today

I am terrible for accepting help from family and friends especially when it comes to looking after my little girl. I think because I’m so anxious about other people feeding her.

I wish I wasn’t like this and I’m scared I’ll be like this for the rest of my life :(

God , I just need to get a grip.
I want to get a hold on this x

Feeding can be really stressful and anxiety is almost impossible to "shake off" when you are faced with the trigger (in your case bottle feeding) multiple times a day. However, your little one won't need bottles forever. You're currently in the thick of it but in a few months she'll be sitting up eating her own food and maybe only be on one or two big bottles a day. She'll hold them on her own. She might even start to use a straw, sippy or open cup soon. So in other words, your trigger for anxiety will hopefully start to decrease over the next few months. Hang in there. I also find that my anxiety is much worse when I cannot sleep. Did your doctor mention a sleeping aid? If you're scared to take the antidepressants, it might be worth a discussion with the doc.

Without judgment please 🙏🏼

I won't set the whole scene but PLEASE KNOW we have engaged with everything and tried many many options. This has not been explored lightly. You will just have to take my absolute word for that. My children are my absolute everything and for that reason we have explored care.

In a nut shell my teen is displaying very dangerous behaviours, included going to a city 2.5 hours away from home with no regard or intention of bothering to come back. She is 14.she is very verbally abusive to me and her siblings, one of which is disabled.

My other daughter hates her life and living with my teen. She is a good child but is so down and low and foes not feel safe in her own home.

There is so much more to this but to sum up it is just like living in a relationship that's experiencing domestic violence. We don't go out, she cLls all the shots, everyone else's life has been put on hold in a bit to make (teen) happy and settled.

Social became involved, although they stated we did not need a S/W because our home is beautiful and the kids have all the need and much more. Which is fine but we are in crisis point and I honestly feel this is not going to end well. So anyway, we have an 'early intervention officer' although not early and we are in crisis he visited around 3 times for a general chit chat with the kids and vanished off the face of the earth.

I begged and pleased for help from a s/W. A s/W then visited with the early team to basically state we did not need the service and I have parental responsibility so basically put up and shut up.

My point here is my other children's physical and mental wellbeing is in extreme jeopardy and they will need some pretty intense support later in life because of this experience.

I did plead for teen to be placed in voluntarily care for her own safety and for the welfare of my other children. Life is hell and if it was just myself I would put up like they advise but it's not it's my others that are completely innocent in all of this. Other children's healthcare apps have been missed or rearranged due to teen behaviours and outbursts and whilst I have parental responsibility over her I also have this over all of my children.

They continue to refuse a social worker and have declined care.

We have worked with every single professional for years. This isn't an overnight struggle this. Basically, is there anything I can do or say that will make them consider care for the safety of her and others. I have mentioned section 20 consent but they've declined. Again, this has not been suggested lightly and I'm utterly ashamed but my other children are also in need and the effect on them also is going to be severe.

Any advice is welcomed 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I beg for people not to judge, the s/w sniggered and laughed about me putting up because I have PR but we have to life this hell everyday and I'm close to getting in the car and dissappearing if I'm completely honest 💔