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How can I help my DH?

3 replies

IWantTheManIMarriedBack · 21/08/2022 12:51

The man I married was very fit - cycled, played Squash, ran marathons. Now, 16yrs later, there doesn't seem to be part of him that doesn't have something wrong with it. He has crush discs, a hernia, anxiety and depression, poor sleeping patterns, bad knees & hips.
The pain makes him very grumpy, and the depression and anxiety doesn't help either. I can't keep track of when he has dr/hospital appts and what each is for.
Every issue is being treated by the NHS, but in isolation, which to mind doesn't help much as everything is linked in some way. My question is this - is there somewhere he could go that would assess the WHOLE of him? I know it'd cost, but I just want him better.
He's also quite stubborn when it comes to seeking treatment too, which doesn't help.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 21/08/2022 16:54

What's he doing about his anxiety and depression @IWantTheManIMarriedBack?

Leafy3 · 21/08/2022 17:06

Treating the pain is the priority I think, it'll be taking a huge toll on his mh. I live with chronic pain and often when it's really bad I don't know notice because you get so used to dealing with it and by that time it's really impacted mh and sleep.

I'm not sure what the latest treatment is for the discs, but these need sorting as does the hernia. A good physio and pilates (preferably 1-2-1) will help massively but need to be done consistently.

They'll help him rebuild strength - his knees and hips are likely painful because they've had to take the strain from his back which won't be able to support his body properly. Good rehabilitative core work can change his life (speaking from first and second hand experience). They'll help him build the right muscles to support his joints and core, which will ease a lot of pain.

I would see what docs can do for his disks and hernia and what the waiting times are for treatment, consider going private if waiting times are months away.

Mh can be further supported with anti depressant/anti anxiety meds and therapy, although I suspect much of it is situational from what you've said so treating his physical health is key. Joint supplements may also help with knees and I would discuss with his gp getting in place effective pain relief.

Could also see a physio/qualified sports therapist regularly for massage to help release tension in his muscles - this will also help with pain management but given his spinal issues needs to be with someone properly qualified.

So, its a two pronged approach: pain management through meds and physio/pilates, with treatment for his injuries followed up be properly rehab.

I would definitely add in mh support if he'll accept it.

Poor guy, sounds really tough for him.

IWantTheManIMarriedBack · 21/08/2022 19:56

@PritiPatelsMaker he's on Citalopram, 20mg and propranolol.

I do think a large part of his MH is the debilitating effect the pain is having on him. It can't be easy being like this having been so active (especially as I'm quite active myself).

@Leafy3 thank you for your suggestions. I have had physio sessions myself for a back issue, it really helped. But remember I said he was stubborn? He refuses to pay to see one himself as he argues he should get it on the NHS. I tell him, yes, he should, but he isn't so why not just try it - but he's not having it. I might have to give him an ultimatum!

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