Can't stop thinking about my operation

[Dogsgottabone]

I had a small operation earlier this week in a private hospital and I can't stop thinking about it.

I was really calm about it, very grown up and polite, but all of a sudden I was on the bed in the anaesthetic room being given 'something to relax me' and I panicked, I felt horrible, like I had the mad spins when drunk. I didn't realise that would be the GA I thought I'd get a bit of warning so I felt like I'd been tricked.

I felt gruesome when I woke up too, really ill for many hours as the anaesthetic wore off.

Is it normal to fixate on this kind of experience? I keep thinking all the details over again and again. I am also really disconcerted that I didn't see the operating theatre and I don't know how the operation was done (it was oral surgery) and how my mouth was held open. I do know the air tube was through my nose.

I am more anxious now I've had it done than I was in the preceding days.

Everyone was lovely. I just feel wrongfooted and anxious about it all.

Normal or not? Should I just chalk it up to experience and move on?

I totally understand op. Sorry you’ve had an upsetting experience.

I’ve had GA a few times. I’ve never actually seen the operating theatre - all different hospitals-as the anaesthetic is given before going into the theatre,
I have had one experience several years ago that I did feel disturbed about. The anaesthetic was given so quickly it was just ‘bang’ asleep then waking up in the recovery room. One op I wasn’t breathing properly afterwards, just 3 breaths per minute. Operations since then have been absolutely fine though.

Other anaesthetics I’ve had since were a more gentle drifting off, feeling very relaxed and absolutely fine on waking.

I do think it’s pretty normal to go over and over these things trying to make sense of it all. Wishing you a speedy recovery

Thank you for replying.

It's the first time I've had an experience like this, so maybe it's the novelty of it, I have nothing to compare it to or rationalise it against.

I don't really want to bore my husband with chatting about it. I just keep feeling really overwhelmed when I think about it and this is so unlike me, I usually just crack on with things.

It feels a bit daft really.

Perhaps it was the speed of it all once I was in the room, there was no messing about, on the bed, right place, monitors on, canula, oxygen mask and boom. No small talk other than checking my name and what procedure I'd be having.

I can see why you would feel very disturbed going so quickly in your experience above. Its the lack of warning and mental adjustment. You must have been so freaked out by not breathing properly. Did it rectify quickly?

I was the first to be taken down to have an op but the last one in recovery. Took just over 30 mins to start breathing normally then had to have observations for a couple of hours to check I was okay. It was weirdly very relaxing breathing so slowly though.

Yes they are very speedy, it’s all so routine to them I think they forget it can be a very frightening experience for patients, especially if it’s a first ever operation. They are just focusing on getting on as quickly as they can because they have X amount of procedures to get through I suppose.

I think the medication you are given can affect how you feel, post operative anxiety/depression can also be a thing too! Affects of anaesthesia are listed as possible causes. Some info here, it is on an American site, NHS don’t seem to have anything on their pages for some reason. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal, hopefully it will ease soon for you and the experience will just be a distant memory. Do make sure you speak to a GP if you find the feelings linger though.

It's important to note that it's typical for people to feel sad or vulnerable after surgery. After-surgery symptoms can affect your appetite, sleep, and energy. However, if those feelings last longer than two weeks, it could be depression. Whether small or large, surgery is an invasive procedure that can be traumatic
drnamnoum.com/depression-after-surgery-symptoms-causes-and-how-to-cope/#:~:text=It's%20important%20to%20note%20that,procedure%20that%20can%20be%20traumatic.

Oh that must have been a shock when you realised afterwards how poorly they must have thought you were, even if you were relaxed at the time.

I think as well that they are speedy because even the calmest person might get anxious when it gets to crunch time, so by being fast and efficient it leaves less time for patients to freak out before the drugs get into their arms.

Yes what's interesting is that I am still thinking about it constantly but as the effects of the anaesthetic are leaving me, I'm feeling less upset about it.

I had no idea I might feel upset afterwards (though to be fair it might have been in the information pack they gave me which I speed read 😊)

I definitely feel better after some fresh air, some distraction today and a more normal diet too.

I had a general anaesthetic a few months ago and it was given in the theatre itself, I was quite surprised as I had another one many years ago that was done in the anaesthetic room.

I know that this time they were concerned that I would have problems with the GA as I have some pre-existing lung/heart problems now, so maybe that’s why it was done in theatre itself. Although I was in the day theatre the anaesthetist wouldn’t go ahead until he knew there was a bed available overnight, should I need it. However, I actually found that I woke up quite easily and was sitting up in a chair about an hour or so after wakening. I believe I was only under anaesthetic for about an hour and a half though, so that might have helped. I have to say the anaesthetist was the kindest, gentlest, man I think I’ve ever met, reassuring me they would take good care of me. He was quite surprised when he came to see me on the ward afterwards and I was sitting on the chair fully dressed. I did feel groggy for a couple of days, but I became ill with Covid the day after I got out, so that didn’t help. To be honest, the worst part of the whole experience for me was having to wear surgical stockings for six weeks afterwards.

I’m glad you are feeling a bit better today and hopefully you’ll improve with each day.

Wow @FlowersareEverything I'm not sure I could have coped with compression socks for 6 weeks! I was told to wear mine that evening, and the following day and night, but I took them off the following morning as I was just sweating in them and I was up and about dog walking and cleaning the house so couldn't see the point. I probably shouldn't have been doing these things but I can't relax when jobs need doing, I'm the same with a hangover 😄

You are right about how nice anaesthetists are though. Mine was lovely. Just calm and thoughtful. To be honest he gave me more attention in the 5 minute pre op chat than my DH often does. I certainly didn't want to make any fuss or cause him any problems and I felt truly looked after.

And thank you for the good wishes. I feel a bit ropey at times. I'd been looking forward to a glass of wine with Sunday lunch but think I'll leave alcohol a bit longer as there is still the odd woozy moment.

I hope you are fully recovered from your op too. 😊

Really usual for anaesthetic to be given in the anaesthetic room, it will of had doors directly connected to theatre so you woukd of just been pushed through once you were out. Mouth would of been held open with a mouth prop, like a rubber door stop designed for the job. Has a groove at the top and bottom for your teeth to sit in. If you want to say what you had done I can talk you through what likely was done if that makes you feel better?

@Dogsgottabone I needed to wear the socks for six weeks as I had bilateral pulmonary emboli about 9 months before the operation, so it was necessary, albeit challenging! All going well now, touch wood. 🙂

@FlowersareEverything I am pleased to hear all is going well for you. And yes I would have kept my stockings on with a risk of embolism too. They are utterly revolting though aren't they 🙄

@Darkrainbow it was a biopsy at the back of my throat. My weirdest concern is what happened to my tongue - how was it held out of the way?

Also was the oxygen tube removed from my nose when I was in recovery? And how long did it then take for me to wake up?

How did the recovery nurse know I was going to wake up then, or was she next to me whilst the waking up process was done?

I really wish I could have seen a video of it all happening. I find it so odd that there's a part of my life I have no knowledge of.

I would be super grateful for any info. I assume you are an HCP?

Yes, this is my bread and butter. Lots of ways to keep the tongue out of the way depending on how in the way it is and how complex/long the procedure. Most likely the most junior member of staff given a sterile swab and told to hold it out if the way for a biopsy by grabbing the end with the swab. For something longer likely clamped gently in an instrument and again held by the junior doc.
Tube will of been removed as you were showing signs of waking, nurses will of been watching and talking to you and making sure they were happy with your sats. You would of been talking by the time it was taken out, usually brief answers but enough for them to know you were breathing without help. You just won't remember. Recovery is heavily nursed so you would of had 1 or 2 nurses with you and then the anesthetist wondering in and out and often the surgeon as well. From a short op people are usually waking up as I've finished writting my notes in theatre and wondering out in search of coffee so not very long at all. Longer ops were you've been pushed deeper under can take a bit longer but usually again by the time I've written the longer notes they're stiring, dont ask me about anaesthesia, its a dark art to me. Biggest delay in getting people out is usually waiting for a porter and ward to be ready to recieve them, usually people just have a snooze whilst they wait so it looks like they were in theatre longer than expected but there just being babysat at that point.
Playing arm chair psychologist, do you think your fixating on this to distract youreself from thinking about the biopsy results? Completely fine if you are but might explain why your mind can't let go.

Just to say I'm so grateful to all of you who have replied to me.

@Darkrainbow I love some armchair psychology. I don't think so though, the consultant said that this would be unusual to be anything but benign so I'm not overly concerned. Though I guess it could be subliminal worry!

Thank you ever so much for all the information above.

OK so some kind of clamp makes sense. When I first saw the consultant he held my tongue with his hand which was a very strange sensation. I really wanted to ask him before the operation but I didn't want to be a pain or delay him.

Also fascinating that I might have been coming round when the tube came out but I don't remember it. The first thing I remember is a nurse saying loudly 'hello Dogsgottabone'. After that I think she walked to another bed and then I started to cry. I couldn't talk as my throat had been numbed and I wanted to ask for my glasses and some water but no one could hear me whisper over all the noise.

This is all brilliant though thank you so much. I can sort of fill in the gaps now.

Laughing at anaesthetics being the dark arts. My anaesthetist was the loveliest middle aged middle class man I've ever met bar my husband!

Your job must be so interesting.

Also this is really helping me to think it all through. Mumsnet therapy at its best.