Stage 4 'treatable' but not 'curable' ?

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Hope this is ok. It's about my DH. He has moved from Stage 3 to Stage 4 cancer after a few years in remission. He's being treated and his tumour is Grade 2 so not as aggressive as some.

His treatment works in around 60% of cases and can give long term remission for 'years' but his dr hasn't said how many. If it doesn't work, he will be moved onto other treatments but no guarantee they work either.

There are questions I want answers to but don't want to ask his dr in front of him as he doesn't want to know 'the worst scenario'.

We've been told it's treatable (to try to stop the growth ) but not curable.
That's the bit that confuses me.

I understand that Stage 4 can go into remission but only for a while and always comes back, and eventually there are no drugs left that work.

Is this what I need to be prepared for? He's young ish , healthy (?) and fit. So sad.

I'm afraid it's a case of "how long is a piece of string" as there are so many variables...but an aunt of mine lived with cancer for about 8 years after being told it was treatable but wasn't curable. So sorry to hear about your DH 💐

My friend with stage 4 cancer has been told that she could live for 20 years (but that is quite unlikely) or it could be a matter of months, or anything in between. They really don't know when it will come back, but at some point it will. Sorry about your DH

Really sorry to hear your husbands diagnosis, my Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 in December and told that she would receive palliative chemo as it was treatable but not curable. After 6 sessions of chemo she has amazingly been declared cancer free which was completely unexpected even for the consultant.

Sorry to hear this. There are all sorts of things he can do to help to keep it at bay, I like the Canceractive website for a round up of research, covers traditional treatments, supplements, diet, exercise etc and has sections on different cancers.

My dad had this. He could take tablets and have treatments (radium therapy) to keep it under control/in check but the cancer would still be there and wouldn't get better or shrink.

Don't be afraid to speak to your dh's doctor on your own or phone him. If you ask them to be honest, they will be. What they can't predict are timeframes.

Very sorry to hear about your DH. Sending you strength and hugs.

It really depends on your DH's cancer and how he responds to his individual treatment. That often can only be answered when he's had some cycles of treatment.

I think you have worked out that the worst case scenario is that the doctors run out of drugs to give him and there is no more treatment possible.

However it sounds as if they are currently being optimistic - if he responds to this treatment it might work for years, after that there are other treatments.

To put this in perspective for some cancers at Grade 4, there are no treatments at all, or even with treatment the prognosis might only be a few months.

There are a lot of people alive with some Grade 4 cancers nowadays for years.

I know not everyone wants to hear about third hand experiences, but I know two stage 4 cancer patients who have lived with it to varying degrees for 10+ years. They have a good quality of life and bar a high number of medications and three monthly scans, live pretty much the same life as anyone else. The big problem is the mental strain of knowing you have an incurable illness, and that your health might take a nosedive at any time.

Sending you and your husband best wishes x

Every person is different, every cancer is different, some are faster growing than others, even in people that have the same type.

It's really almost impossible to predict, I'd imagine.

Sorry to hear your news, and it is understandable that you have so many questions.
My Mum is stage 4 and at the start of last year I didn’t think she would still be here now, but she is currently doing well on the treatment regime. It did take a few months for her body to adjust to all the drugs, so she did get some side effects, but now has no reaction to her infusions and tablets apart from the tiredness, but she is now over 80.
can you speak to a MacMillan nurse or support group for relatives?

There's been a big shift over the years, in the approach to cancer care. It used to be all about trying to "cure" it, with invasive and aggressive treatments that had awful side effects and were often worse than the disease.

Nowadays there is a bigger emphasis on quality of life. Treatments are more tailored according to the specific biochemistry of the illness and there is a wide range of different types... but if the cancer can't be eliminated (eg by surgery) the focus is on managing the disease and keeping it under control to maintain a decent quality of life. Hence "treatable" but not "curable".

It's still extremely difficult to predict how well any particular treatment will work, or to estimate timescales. The not knowing must be very hard. I am sorry 😞.

Be wary of sites like this OP. Some people find them helpful and some don’t. There is an element of false hope.

Do you have access to MacMillan nurses, they or one of the nursing team at the hospital should be able to arrange for you to sit down with one of the medical team when your husband isn’t there to talk you through terms and scenarios. They won’t talk about his case without his permission but they can certainly explain the likely scenarios in different cases. Some solid knowledge will help you feel empowered I think. Your husband may well be making a smart decision for him in asking not to know the worst, but it may not be right for you, and because doctors can only talk generally you won’t have any certain knowledge he doesn’t.