I have (suspected) chronic fatigue but dealing with a (suspected) autistic child- I'm exhausted. Help?

[Jinglejangly]

I'm awaiting screening for my eldest daughter who we believe has autism. I have been struggling with fatigue in recent years and I can pinpoint it starting around the time that we began noticing certain behaviours.

She talks a lot and asks a lot of questions; she's a sensory seeker and is constantly gathering information in her head. It's exhausting as she often doesn't sense the tone of situations, like if I'm busy or need to concentrate.

We also suspect ADHD and so the not sitting still, slipping off her
hair at meal times, getting up several times after being put to bed, constant movement, tapping and humming.

More recently she has started clearing her throat constantly and repeating words over and over again out of context, I guess a bit like tourettes.

I feel awful to admit it, but when in hef company, I can feel very easily drained and like I need to lie down. My head is often spinning. Meal times are the hardest when I finally get to sit down after a day of working, school runs, cooking, swimming lessons and the incessant chatter begins at the table and my youngest child is upset that shr can't get a word in. I often end the meal feeling like I need to lie down or I might keel over.

I already know about one underlying health condition but I have noticed that my episodes of heavy fatigue correlate with the periods I'm with my daughter, when her behaviours are magnified (such as meal times). I feel awful to admit it.

But how can I take care of myself to avoid these episodes of heavy burn out when my daughter's behaviour is particularly challenging? Again, I feel awful to admit it, but I feel very tense and can't relax around her with the constant noise and fidgeting. Her father is around but has a demanding job and it looks like he himself is autistic!!

Following as in similar boat - except I have two of them 😂

I have been in a similar situation. I had severe post viral fatigue for two years while dealing with autistic DS who fired questions all day long and never slept. You have my total sympathy.

Things that helped me

Take supplements. The most effective I've found are:

• herbal iron supplements (e.g. floradix or feroglobin) as they don't give you constipation like normal iron tablets do.


• vitamin D spray - not tablets. The spray is more absorbent


• You could also try a B-complex vitamin


• Maybe take L-Tyrosine and magnesium (Solgar is a good brand). L-Tyrosine gave me mild sharp headaches but did help lift my energy.


• only cook super easy-to-cook dinners you know they will eat. My autistic DS lived on tinned spaghetti with grated cheese, peas and carrots for a few years. Not varied but had all of the main food groups. Try filled pastas with pesto one night, chicken tray bake with baby potatoes and veg another night, home baked fish and chips with peas and carrots the next - all of which take 5-10 mins to prep, max.


• Use Flylady 5 minute room rescues (quick tidy-ups) and 10 minute room blessings (very quick hoover and dust or wipe) to keep the house looking bearable. Teach your DC how to do these too, using a timer. It is life changing.


• Use TV and computer games. You don't have neurotypical children and you are not in good health. Screens are an excellent nursemaid in these circumstances so don't let anyone criticise you for over use of them. Put them in front of some great films, documentaries or non-violent games like Minecraft or Lego. It won't harm them. My DC spent far too long in front of screens for years when I was ill. But when I had energy we explored the world. They are now at good unis, one competes in sport at national level, the other is obessed with the arts. Both are well socialised despite autism. No harm came to them.


• Be direct. Say, 'Stop talking to me now. I am tired and I need a rest.' Give them timers and tell them to set them for 5 mins, then increase to 10, 25 up to 30 or an hour, where they occupy themselves without interrupting you. Let them earn rewards from this. Mine used to earn small amounts of money which they saved up to buy big Lego sets.

@goldfinchonthelawn thank you so much for your post. It's super helpful. My daughter is totally obsessed with Eurovision at the moment so I tend to let her watch that on repeat for respite 😂.

I could definitely make use of more timers. I think that would help enormously.

I'm actually having monthly B12 injections at the moment for energy which is helping, but the low energy still hits most days at around 4pm. I am taking supplements but find that I'm so much worse around my period. I could sleep for days.

I do get bogged down by preparing healthy meals for everyone which I think could be simplified. The meal time battles are excruciating with my youngest child whilst my eldest (suspected autistic) one witters incessantly as if nothing else is happening. I have even considered eating at a different time to them, but I don't know if I have the energy to cook 2 meals.

DH is great practically, but in terms of mental and emotional support he's dreadful. Him being autistic too (it's clear to all but him) he just clashes with her and struggles to employ any tactics with her such as timers or reminders and resorts to shouting at her. Parenting him on how to parent an autistic child when he's autistic himself is so tiresome also.

I hate the 'are you me' comment on here but OP I have SO much sympathy as my DH is also autistic and also shouted at DC all the time when they were little and I had to train him and train him how to behave with them. But once he;d learned the most effective ways to handle them, he was great because he doesn;t like change so that exhausting period of being the parent and teacher tot he entire family paid off.

Are you taking Vit D spray and iron? Especially iron around the time of your period.

Healthy food really doesn't need to be hard work. And it doesn't have to be home cooked. I used to burn myself out cooking healthy food that got rejected time after time. Not exaggerating when I say DC lived on tinned wholemeal spaghetti with grated cheese, peas, carrots, apple slices, smoothies. I tried to make it healthy. At school autistic DS had wholemeal cheddar sandwiches, smoothies and an apple every day for about seven years. Teacher used to make snide remarks but i knew it was all he'd eat. He's now late teens and very experimental with food.

A good rule to remember is: a lot of parenting advice doesn't apply to me because DC is autistic. So none of the 'they'll eat it if they are hungry' or 'leave them to entertain themselves' stuff applies. Do what is right for you, your child, your family, in that order.

I dont have health problems, but do have a child with ASD & ADHD and yes they are exhausting. Mine needs constant attention, and never stops switches off (apart from when he's asleep, but doesnt get to sleep until after 10pm!). Even without health problems, school holidays are EXHAUSTING, so it must be so much harder when not feeling well.

One thing I do is to listen to music with earbuds. It means I can't hear their constant noise, but nice calming music instead. And they eventually realise I can't hear and stop asking so many questions!!!

We also get a small amount of respite from the council. 4 hours every weekend and 4 hours twice a week in school holidays. It isn't much but really helps. It might be worth asking for a carers assessment?

I hear you OP.

I'm on my fifth anti-depressant in 4 years desperately trying to feel ok.