Emetophobia - I am so proud of myself but also so scared

[Artichokes]

I have posted before about my emetophobia and how when my DD first threw-up (in Sept) I felt I totally let her down by panicing and running away when she needed me most.

Well last night DD got the norovirus. Normally the mere thought of this would totally freak me out and stop me going out until I thought the epidemic was over. But I have sworn to myself I won't let emet affect my DD's upbringing and so throughout this epidemic I have continued going to toddler groups etc.

Last night DH was out and although I knew DD was coming down with a tummy bug I did not panic and did not insist DH come home. I put her to bed with a towel underneath her and checked her every hour. I managed to eat a normal dinner and not have a panic attack. And the worst happened. She was sick everywhere. I cleaned her up. I cuddled her (incredible for me to touch someone with an infectious tummy bug) and I got her back to sleep. Then it happened again and it was all in her hair. I cleaned her up as best I could but I couldn't wash her hair out without a full on bath at 1am. So I ended up letting her sleep next to me in bed with residual sick in her hair. I continued to cuddle and comfort her. Today she seems better.

I am so proud of myself. But also so scared. It seems very likely I will get ill soon and that has been my worst fear forever. I feel a bit sick already but don't know if it is in my head or for real. I have cancelled a dinner party that we were meant to go to tonight as I think it is likely DH or I will be ill by then. I am a bit sad I have cancelled as it means I am still letting my fear stop me doing things, but on balance I have done so much better than normal.

Thank you for reading this far if you have. I just needed to tell someone how I am feeling .

Can I just add that I've caught this bug three times from the DCs since September and haven't thrown up once! so there is hope. DC's were vomiting, but DP and I just had nausea, tummy pains and the runs. Fingers crossed that you are OK

Well done Årtichokes!

I have had this wretched phobia since I was a kid. I have to say though having children has made things a lot better. I'm still completely paniced about norovirus, but if they are sick I know I will cope. I think the love you have for your children can help you over-ride the fear.

One thing that has helped me enormously is being prescribed anti-emetics by the doctor. Last time we caught a stomach bug from DS I quickly took one and the nausea disappeared - SUCH a relief!!! My stomach still churned and I had no appetite but didn't feel sick. Usually I would have to lie still, concentrate on not throwing up and couldn't look after the DC, so having a pill to sort me out really helped.

Just to let you all know that we have survived the night with no new signs of the bug. DD seems fine today and is eating well. Does anyone know how many days I have until I can consider the chance of contagion has passed? If DD came down with it on Friday night when would DH and I be most likely to get it?

These questions make me sound like I am obsessing about the fear. But I am doing so alot less than previously. I have not had any panic attacks still and I have continued cooking and eating normally. I even went to the gym to work out this morning.

Thanks for the tip about anti-emetics Minko. Unfortunatley the doctor won't give me any. When my phobia was at its worst (a few years ago) I was prescribed several different anti-emetics but I started to rely on them so they won't give me them now. I was but probably it is for the best.

I can't believe that you managed that. I am so full of admiration. I am sorry to say I don't think I could have done it (I'm posting elsewhere on MN about emetophobia and my terror of norovirus!!) What else can I say, other than that I hope you and DH don't get it as well?

Think you are amazing

Congrats Artichokes!! It's great that you have been able to make such huge progress. Hope your dd is better now.

Just thought people on here might be interested to know about a Radio Four programme I listened to the other day. It was about the emotion of "digust" and why we feel it, involving a discussion with several scientists/health professionals.

Evidently, our reaction to something disgusting such as flies, poo, v*t, rotting food etc is in-built so that we avoid disease wherever possible and also quite different from the "flight-fight" reaction that we feel in response to something frightening or threatening. Apparently a disgust reaction prompts us to drop everything and stop.

So maybe we shouldn't be feeling so badly about ourselves after all!!!

Just another update. Neither DH or I have come down with anything yet. I suppose the main danger has passed. I should be really happy that I coped so well, gave DD all the care she needed and yet seemed to have avoided the bug - but for some reason I am a bit down today.

I keep thinking I am nauseated and about to get ill. This has gone on since Sunday. Nausea and a belief that I could be sick at any minute has always been a big part of my phobia. It is why I got addicted to anti-emetics. I am trying so hard to kick this thing and live the life I want and although I have shown I can change my behaviour, I can't seem to change what lurks at the back of mind.

I want to be phobia free, not just look and act phobia free. I am still very proud about how far I have come and how I behaved this weekend, and I know I am obsessing less than I have in the past. But I am also very sad that my mind still seems to play tricks on me about feeling sick and I am scared I might not totally be able to kick this thing.

I'm no expert Artichokes but I think the thing with phobias is that the more pressure you put on yourself ie "I need to totally kick this thing" - the harder it is.

Could you be content - for the moment - with knowing that you have come a huge distance in getting better, and that you will have good days and bad days (depending on your levels of stress/tiredness etc at the time) but overall you are going in the right direction? In other words, try and be a bit kinder to yourself and recognise what you have already achieved.

Also, try not to look too far ahead and worry about what MIGHT be - try and bear in mind that you successfully dealt with the last challenge and then deal with what arises, when it arises, knowing that you are better equipped to cope???

(As a sufferer myself I know this is all much, much harder than it sounds, and much easier to say than do .....!!!! Changing long-established thinking patterns/attitudes is one of the toughest challenges anyone has to face I think as it's all so deeply engrained. You ARE already doing it though ....)

Also - just wanted to say - I think it is completely normal to feel down after an episode like this.

First, it's to do with adrenalin and being in 'crisis mode' and the aftermath when it all calms down and the perceived danger has disappeared.

Secondly, it's about self-confidence. That's the worst thing about phobias, they destroy confidence and trust in oneself. When you've suffered with one for quite a long time and then make a "break-through" step, you start to doubt yourself and your achievements afterwards because your 'old' thinking patterns are so firmly established. It's only through little positive steps that you manage to break the cycle and re-establish trust in yourself until it becomes something that doesn't occupy your thoughts anymore.

Sorry for the essay ....

Hi, I'm new to this so bear with me! Was just searching for information about emetophobia when i came across this site, so here i am, i've joined Mumsnet! I am step-mum to a 7yr old daughter. But i live in constant fear of her catching a bug, especially at the mo with that horrible norovirus goung round.MARE!!!!! Anyone else out there understand?

P.S Obviously there are people out there who understand, i've just read all the messages..duurrr! Did i mention my blonde hair?? Sorry, not wanting to offend any blondes, just a bit fun!

Hi Wiggelit, Yes do check the other thread as BB suggested. It has been of great support and comfort to me knowing that there are others who understand.