5 year old dd with anxiety and tics - how to help and what can a GP do?

[hippipotami]

Please help, I am extremely worried about my 5yo dd.

She has had a nervous tic (headshake) for the past 2 years. Sometimes she adds a sniffing tic, nose rub, cough or heavy breathing tic. Her latest addition is a shoulder shrug. Sometimes she will go for a period of 5 weeks or so without a tic, but mostly she will tic each day.

In addition she has had a phase of hairpulling (actually pulling it out, leaving big bald areas), nail biting, and her latest one is biting, rubbing and pulling the skin on her fingertips until they bleed.

According to her teacher she is also become very weepy in class, and is unable to be parted from her cuddly toy (which in previous years she has happily been able to leave at home)

She also recently has stopped saying 'bye bye' at bedtime or going into school. It has to be 'see you later'. She actually told me she does not like saying 'bye bye'

Tonight during tears she said something about if she was not with me or daddy then no-one would want her, and then no-one would feed her, she would shrink and then die.
(and this from a little girl who never has much of an appetite and is not a big eater)

On the outside dd comes across as very confident and sociable. She started reception in September and has made friends, been invited to lots of parties, been invited to tea, and whenever we arrive at school she is immediately skipping off, saying hello to all sorts of children. I have seen her be hugged by classmates, kissed by one little girl, and the other children always seem pleased to see her. So she appears happy.
She has no worries about the work at school, is doing fantastic reading, knows her letter sounds, loves number and shape work and is very bright and doing well according to her teacher.

So, what do I do? The nailbiting, ticcing, anxiety is concering me in as far as her teacher has noticed. Her teacher does not want dd to keep bringing her cuddely bear into school, and has brought the weepiness and the finger biting to my attention. (Of course I am aware of hte finger biting, teacher just wanted me to be aware she does it lots at school at the moment)

Dh want me to take dd to the GP, and has gone ahead and booked an appointment for next week.

What will they do? What can they do? When we took dd to the GP after the first bout of extreme hair-pulling, the advice was that it was merely a bad habit and to ignore.

Will I wast a GP's time if I take dd.

I am sorry, I don't really know what sort of answers I am after. I am just very worried about dd. I worry that she is unhappy. I hope the tics and finger biting are just bad habits she will outgrow. It can't be anything else can it? Dd is not having a nervous breakdown age 5 is she?

We are a stable home, mum, dad, ds and dd. No arguments (minor disagreements yes, but no arguments), dh home for dinner every night, no talk of moving house or anything else to give dd the impression her little world is about to collapse. So why the worries? Why the refusal to say 'bye bye'

Thanks for reading all this. I really hope I am worrying over nothing. I don't even expect a reply, just typing it all out made me feel a bit better. [watery smile]

Definitly not wasting your doctors time. May refer to a psychologist, I think I would want to be anyway if this was my DD. Tics can be symptomatic of Tourettes syndrome, I had a boy in one of my classes when I was a TA, and he had a mild form with tics but no swearing.

Thanks Sophie

What will a psychologist do? What will he / she look for?

Hopefully just have a chat with her, she obviosuly is having some issues with leaving, eating and her cuddly bear. She sounds as if she is really anxious so maybe give you some strategies to help with this? I am no expert but would like help along those lines if I was in your position.

Can both you and DH go with her? Make sure you tell everything as pulling out hair is not right.

Don't know if this helps, but I can remember quite clearly when I was 4/5 that I would make my self sick with worry about death, what would happen if mummy and daddy died. I became quite anxious about it, no idea why, but I did grow out of it, but i can so clearly remember it, I also found it very difficult to talk about it.

The psych will talk to you and your DD and observe, it will be very gentle.

Hope things get sorted.

Shame on her teacher who doesn't want her to bring the bear. If the teacher can see this is display anxiety symptoms ie tics, being weepy - the bear should be able to stay. FFS she's in Reception!

I can sort of see the teacher's point re the bear. If dd brings it, it has to sit on the shelf for the day. Dd sees it there and wants it, but can't have it, and thus gets weepy. If it was at home, it would (or should) be out of sight out of mind.
If dd were to walk around with her bear all day it would be a 'barrier' to getting on with all that reception class has to offer as she would have her hands full, or put him down and then fret about where he was.

The hairpulling, whilst it is not right, is not that uncommon. (I found that out on MN and some internet searches after dd first did it) It is clases as a habit in the same way as nailbiting, just less common!
Ditto the skin picking I think.

The nervous tics worry me. I had initially put them down to the harmless 'transient tic syndrome', but as there is no clear long break between the tics, and the fact that instead of replacing one tic with another she is actualling adding to her repertoire...

Aaargh, why is being a parent so hard at times....

clases? classed

clases? classed

oops

I really feel for you Hippipotami.
My DD is also 5 and has gone through anxiety phases where she develops certain habits, e.g picking the skin around her nails, wringing her hands, going vacant, waking up crying several times a night, biting her lip and getting uncontrolably upset at certain adverts on the TV.

The last time we went through a rough patch was when she started Reception in September. She was fine for the first week then she started coming home from school with her pockets crammed full of leaves!
Apparantly she felt uncomfortable in the 'big yard' at playtime so to distract herself she collected leaves. It got a little extreme as we had to clear her school drawer out every morning as that would be full too, and she's get very upset and sob if we tried to stop her 'collecting' them. Luckily the teachers were fantastic (they called her The Leaf Gatherer!) and we worked alongside them to try and ease her out of the habit.

During this time we did take her to the doctor to get some advice on her behavior and through a stroke of luck saw a doctor who's daughter did similar things when she was small (she developed a thing with conkers and they found she'd stored nearly 200 under her bed!). He assured us it was mearly her way of dealing with changes and that she was very intelligent. He advised us to let her carry on with her little ways and not draw attention to them (we were doing as we found them quite upsetting at times).

For the last 2 months we've had no problems at all and she's gained alot of confidence, loves the 'big yard', ignores the leaves etc...it stopped as quickly as it started. When she gets upset at something she does still wring her hands and picks her nails but it's nothing compared to what it was.

I know these are different habits to your little one but I wanted you to know you're not on your own.

OMG, Lushaddict - dd started reception in Sept and used to come home every day with pebbles and stones she takes from around the edges of the playground and the big planters. I used to have a carrier bag of pebbles hanging in the hallway ready to take back to school ever few days. That seems to have stopped for now. Dd was fine when she started school, and her habits have gradually got worse. But there have been some changes at school (different class configuration in the afternoons now the spring/summer children stay all day, different lunchtime superviser, new groups for reading, changed onto cooked dinners - her idea though that one - )

I do think, as your GP said, it is a phase and she will outgrow it.
But dh is freaking out about the skin biting and thinks she is self-harming
Ok, technically she is, but not in the same way a teenager does.

I feel a lot happier this morning, especially having read your post. It is good to know that there are more complicated, beautiful, sensitive, intelligent little girls like dd, and that it is just something they go through.

Thank you

Hi hippopotami - I might just be able to help here, as ds2 had tics from age 6 to 11 off and on , and dd2 (aged 5) has many of the same problems you describe - weepy, stroppy, scared of growing up, death, not being with parents etc etc. Is she your eldest? I don't mean to sound anything, but ds2 won scholarship this year and is now obviously very far advanced in the way he thinks compared to his peers. It wasn't so obvious at a young age, when he just presented as withdrawn, 'difficult' and had tics. When he got to about 11 ( and changed schools, incidentally) he just seemed to understand himself better, and a lot of his neuroses disappeared. DD2 is even worse, and every day at the moment is stressful, but she is so clearly very very bright, although that does not mean that they are performing as well in school as others of the same age. It sounds to me as though your dd has a lot going on in her head, and gentle care from you,, or from a trained counsellor might resolveit. FWIW I believe she should have her comforter at school if she needs it - she will leave it behind when she feels more secure - there is no right or wrong age IMHO when it should be taken away from her. Reception is a very stressful time when she is beginning to work out that she is separate from you, and (because she is bright) wants to ponder on what happens if you are not around! To give you an example for comparison: we have just endured half a term of dd making merry hell about going to school each day. None of her siblings ever did this. After a long time, I got her to talk to me and it went like this:-
dd - I dont want to go to school ever ever ever
me - why not?
dd - because I don't want to grow up. If I go to school and learn things I'll have to grow up.
Me - why don't you want to grow up?
dd - because when you are a grown up you Mummy and Dayy die and then you are on your own, and I want to stay this age for ever and ever.....

Sounds logical, doesn't it? I'm sure that your dd is the same as mine

Sorry about typos (too much wine. ) On the skin biting - ds2 used to pull his hair out, bite his nails, twitch his nose, roll his eyes and have difficulty swallowing. DD2 has bitten her nails since starting reception last year, and is just stopping the habit now of her own accord. She has replaced it with burping involuntarily after food and drink!!! Aaargh!!! It is not self harming (which is a control issue) so much as a nervous habit suggesting that she is finding school a very stressful environment. Do let us know ho she is going on, poor lamb. If you are anywhere near Kent she can come and play with dd

Hi Hippopotami, I must admit it is quite comforting knowing others go through a similar experience.

As for your dd collecting pepples from the yard..that is amazing. I honestly thought my DD was one on her own there (with the leaves).

Callmemadam, you basically confirm what our doctor told us re: intelligence. I'm going to do abit of research on this to help understand what my DD may be feeling as she progresses through school and why she has her 'funny ways'.

Please keep us updated Hippopotomi..am keeping my fingers crossed for your appointment

Thank you callmemadam, I love you

You have very very much put my mind at rest. I figured dd was not 'self harming' in the truest sense of the word, but dh was worrying about his little girl.

She is our youngest, we also have an 8 year old boy. But he is Mr Laid Back personified. He is of destinctly average intelligence, in the bottom set for most things at school because he loves just coasting along, he is never worried about anything, takes everything in his stride and just coasts through life. Even as a toddler he never ever had proper tantrums, just a little sulk once in a while. Dd by comparison started throwing tantrums at 9 months (I kid you not) complete with head banging on the floor and wall etc. She has always been our hot-head. But she is also keenly intelligent; after Christmas the teacher streamed the reception class into ability groups and she is on the top table for everything. Ds always coasted in the bottom half.
Dd is indeed the one that has started saying she does not want to go to school.
I think we are going to have our hands full with her. Good job we love her so much

Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your experiences, you have made me feel much better

Oh, morning Lush, didn't see you there

Yes, please let's keep updating eachohter on our lovely, complicated dd's.

It is indeed very very reassuring that others are going through this aswell.

Any news Hippipotami?

I was wondering if you'd been to the docs yet and how DD is getting on