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I have just lost my Dad to cancer .

51 replies

mommydear · 10/01/2008 19:00

He was dx with stomach cancer on 1 October 07 and died this morning. My mom and I was with him for the last 3 hours. He was peacefull and went quiet. He was 54 and very active until August last year. Everything happend so fast.

How am I ever going to focus on anything else?

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 10/01/2008 19:35

so sorry to hear this

josben · 10/01/2008 19:36

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 2 weeks ago very suddenly, I now feel a bit numb and sometimes I still can't quite believe what has happened...

Everyone has told me to just take things one day at a time... Wish I had more advice for you... Thinking of you and sending you and you family lots of hugs.

heymammy · 10/01/2008 19:43

Mommydear I am so very sorry

My dad died 6 years ago from stomach cancer too...he really wasn't very ill (fortunately but this also made things very surreal) and died 10 days after diagnosis he was only 57.

I remember the physical pain I felt at the time and at first I couldn't figure out how the rest of the world was normal but my life was upside down.

Life becomes a new sort of normal and the awful pain fades. I cope by thinking how incredibly lucky I am to have had him for 27 years of my life

I wish you every strength in dealing with this.

jofeb04 · 10/01/2008 19:45

So sorry to hear this.

summer111 · 10/01/2008 19:53

I'm so sorry that you're here posting such a sad piece of news. I lost my Mum in October '06; she had been diagnosed with stomach cancer only two months earlier. Unfortunately, she passed away whilst recovering from an operation and no-one, doctors included, expected this. I actually got to the hospital too late and so never got the chance to say my goodbyes.

It was such a surreal time for me; you just can't believe that your parent is gone, especially when they are young and you've had no time to get your head around it all.

The best piece of advice i had came from my best friend who had lost her Dad some years before - she told me to remember that in situations like this, there are no rules. You just need to do what's best for you and your family at the time.

Initially, the tears would come at the drop of a hat but as the year has come and gone, it has become a bit easier. I was so thankful of having my chilfren and my job as distractions, as I know had I been sitting at home alone, I would have had too much time to think.

So, in essence, try to keep busy, spend time with those you love and who love you and be very kind to yourself.

drivinmecrazy · 10/01/2008 20:59

mommydear, I am so desperately sorry for your loss. My Dad has had cancer and treatments for last four years, but now has lung cancer. He went for a scan this morning, but they can't see anything because he has so much fluid on his chest. They are going to try and drain the fluid in the morning. Am terrified this is the beginning of the end for him. we have known his cancer is incurable for years, but I am still petrified how i will cope if we have got to the point where they will offer him no more treatment. I put my DD1 (7) to bed tonight and she asked me if he was going to die, and i said I didn't know. She then burst into tears saying she didn't want him to die. I feel so sorry for her, but more for my DD2 (2) who won't have any memories of him, they idolize each other. How can you comfort your child when you feel no more than a child yourself in this situation?

Beauregard · 10/01/2008 21:03

So sorry to hear this

39andcounting · 10/01/2008 21:03

Such a sad post. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Summer111 advice echoes everyone elses really, and I think it is good and solid.

I send you strength and comfort in knowing you are not alone and can come on here and be supported by your virtual friends.

Big virtual hugs

xxxxxxxxxxx

ScoobyDoo · 10/01/2008 21:04

mommydear i am so so sorry for the loss of your father ((((hugs)))) to you x

I lost my father when he was 47 & i was 12 he died in a tragic accident so all sudden/unexpected it will be 13 years on the 19/01/08 & it still pains me to the day.

Please talk about your father, think of all the great times, talk about him with your mum/family, it is very very hard & if i'm honest it probably gets harder before it gets easier this is what i found anyway along the way, you never ever get over it but you learn to live with it.

Just remember your dad is proud of you, he is watching you & probably saying be happy & live your life, he will always watch over you all.

If you ever want to talk just CAT me lots of love to you & your family xx

biglips · 10/01/2008 21:04

mommydear - im so so sorry about your Dad

peachygirl · 10/01/2008 21:06

I lost a very close Uncle to canceron December he had only been diagnosed 10 weeks earlier.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss

shrinkingsagpuss · 10/01/2008 21:55

Mommydear

So for your loss.

I lost my father to breast cancer nearly 3 years ago. He was 64. My DS was 6 weeks old at the time. We were very "lucky" to have known his dx for nearly a year, and my Mum and I nursed him together for his last week.

As others have said, no-onecan dictate to you how you should or will grieve. Your loss will never go away, and when it hits you, the sadness will always be as great. i have found that when I want to talk to my Dad, or see him, and I feel desperately sad, it is terrible, but that these times are fewer as the years go by.

I keep typing things, and deleting them.

Do you have children? How old are you?

Don't even worry about focussing on other things. right now is your time for sadness, in whatever is your way. Please take time for you, if that is being quiet, or noisy, with others or alone. Try and explain why you want to be alone or with others (My brother found it very strange that I just wanted to sit and watch TV 2 days after Dad died- I didn't want to talk, or be hugged, or be told I was brave, I just needed to zone out).

Take care. There is so much I could say, but I don't want tto waffle, and so muc of it is about my personal experience, and this is your thread.

. Take care.

Dior · 10/01/2008 21:57

Message withdrawn

Countingthegreyhairs · 10/01/2008 22:27

So sorry to read this mommy dear. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. 54 is very young.

You must be in shock. Look after yourself.

Spidermama · 10/01/2008 22:31

Gosh I'm really sorry.

How nice that you could be with him at the end.

ElvinaFrizzell · 10/01/2008 23:58

I am so sorry for your loss

VeniVidiVickiQV · 10/01/2008 23:59

I'm so sorry

KrippledKerryMum · 10/01/2008 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wotz · 11/01/2008 00:02

sorry for your loss mommydear
my father died on 10 Jan 1978
I will say a a little prayer for our dads before I go to bed

fortyplus · 11/01/2008 00:04

I lost my dad a few years ago. To start with the events leading up to his death werelike a tape playing in my head that I couldn't switch off. Constant visions flashing uninvited into my consciousness. The last thing I thought of at night and the first thought that entered my head in the morning.

But it does get better. Now I can think fondly of my dad and the good and bad times we had when he was alive. I rarely think of the dying process.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad when he was still so young.

slim22 · 11/01/2008 00:10

So sorry for your loss.

Time is a healer. Really. Nothing else.

Hugs

BadKitten · 11/01/2008 09:18

I am so sorry to hear this.
There are no words that can comfort you really nut know that a lot of people on Mumsnet are thinking of you.

BadKitten · 11/01/2008 09:19

not nut - but. Sorry

mommydear · 11/01/2008 21:57

Thanks for all your kind words. It was a realy busy day today. (Dont know what the time is in Uk. Its 11:47 pm in South Africa) We had to arange the funeral and there was people around us all the time. Now it is quiet and the pain is back. My ds, 4 years, prayed this morning for grandpa to get better. He was in pain for three months and I told ds that grandpa is better now and don`t have any more pain. That gave me peace.

It is so hard to believe that there are so many people in the same situation. Before my dad was dx I didn`t know anyone with cancer.

OP posts:
Waswondering · 11/01/2008 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.