Anorexia - any survivors with insights?

[Anna8888]

The 11 year old daughter of one of my best friends has anorexia. I saw her at the weekend for the first time since she became ill (about 6 months ago) and was very shocked at the way she looked and behaved - I've known this little girl since she was tiny and have been on holiday with the family several times, and am quite attached to her.

My friend is obviously sick with worry and, although her daughter is now seeing a psycotherapist, is very keen to talk about it.

Does anyone have any insights as to anorexia and the best approach to recovery?

I think they've been doing research at the Maudsley hospital in London.
You'll also find lots of information if you look up BEAT on Google.

They say that the sooner you catch it the better the chances of a full recovery. 6 months is not long to be ill, and it's fantastic that your friend's daughter is getting help so quickly.

Sometimes family therapy may be helpful.

The Eating Disorders Association (now BEAT) used to hold meetings and probably still do. They may be worth investigating.

I really hope things get better soon.

Thank you very much indeed

i was part of the maudsley study when i was recovering although i only ever had "mild" anorexia (ie didn't need hospitalising) - but i was quite a bit older than your friend's dd, was recovering at about age 17 and the thing that really helped me to recover was the drive to succeed in my A-levels, i had so little energy i couldn't work properly so i just started eating bit by bit. Sounds dead simple and it wasn't at all, but i hadn't had any therapy or anything (did that later on!) Basically i was a classic anorexic in that i was v ambitious and needed my energies channelling somewhere constructive.
After lots of years of help and learning a lot about myself i am a pretty balanced person who has put ambition in its place, i LOVE food and am a real foodie, and i am very happy! So it is possible to come out the other side..
that is a REALLY potted version of my experience, all the v best to you, your friend and her DD

i was part of the maudsley study when i was recovering although i only ever had "mild" anorexia (ie didn't need hospitalising) - but i was quite a bit older than your friend's dd, was recovering at about age 17 and the thing that really helped me to recover was the drive to succeed in my A-levels, i had so little energy i couldn't work properly so i just started eating bit by bit. Sounds dead simple and it wasn't at all, but i hadn't had any therapy or anything (did that later on!) Basically i was a classic anorexic in that i was v ambitious and needed my energies channelling somewhere constructive.
After lots of years of help and learning a lot about myself i am a pretty balanced person who has put ambition in its place, i LOVE food and am a real foodie, and i am very happy! So it is possible to come out the other side..
that is a REALLY potted version of my experience, all the v best to you, your friend and her DD

Thanks fairylights .

My friend (a very dear friend) comes from a very high-achieving family, is herself a totally driven mega-achiever (who exhausted her husband who left her 9 years ago - she hasn't found another man capable of withstanding her energy) whose elder child, a boy, seems perfectly capable of meeting her exacting standards and enjoying all the opportunities that come his way. Her daughter, however, is clearly overpressured by this environment (she's still first in the class at school, though) and the mega high standards that are taken as given in her family...

hmm would your friend be open to doing family therapy? Seriously - can she see that the home atmosphere her daughter is living in may be quite destructive for her? I was lucky in that i left my home environment soon after recovering, but although my parents were not high achievers or pressuring in that sense, i think i was always trying to impress my mum and get her attention (lots of underlying issues there) which was v destructive and would have continued to be so if i had still been at home.
I remember seeing on another thread recently that a clinical psychologist said that 70% at least of her anorexic teenage referrals were from highly successful families..
it may be hard for your friend to recognize that her whole worldview is having a negative impact on her daughter, but if she is willing to face that and maybe do some family therapy (if her DD is open to it) then it might be really helpful.
Sorry i hope i don't seem harsh on your friend.. it must be a desperate situation for her.

fairylights - you are quite right, I'm sure some family therapy would be very good for my friend and her children. Unfortunately, the concept of relationship therapy (couples, families etc) is not very developed in France, where most psychological therapies are highly influenced and informed by psychoanalysis (Freud, Lacan et al). So she will have to search hard to find a practitioner. But I will definitely be suggesting that to her when we next talk.

It wasn't clear they live in France! I expect eating disorders are just as common there as here. I saw a dietician for a while, which at the time seemed like rubbish, but in the long run has put me in good stead to eat normally and to know how much or how little I actually need.

I was very badly bullied by my father. I sometimes wonder that I am still alive! I tipped over into recovery when a severe and what seemed like a chronic depressive illness was finally treated. My family is not in any way especially successful.

Yes, in France but my friend is very interested in how eating disorders are treated in the US and UK (and she speaks English very fluently).

I wonder whether bullying and over-high expectations are fundamentally so different? Either way a child is receiving the message that they are not good enough.