Worried about my husband’s health

[Josie1968]

Hi

My husband hasn’t been feeling great for ages.. but he will rarely go to the doctor. He’s had back pain for ages. He’s sleeping a lot and has been losing weight. When I mentioned him losing weight the other day he said the trousers he was wearing were bigger than his others.. but I think he was just saying that to stop me worrying. I keep telling him to go to the doctor, but he won’t go just says ‘I don’t want to’ when I suggest he goes. He’s so stubborn and always has been. He said ‘it is what it is!’ I don’t know what to think and I’m really worrying and keep crying thinking it’s something bad. (He doesn’t know I’m crying) He was 60 in January. What do people think?

Thank you x

It doesn't sound very great but I don't know what more you can do if he won't go to the doctor. Have you had a frank chat along the lines of 'I am worried you might have cancer and will die and I don't want to lose you' type of thing? I assume this is what you are worried about?

I think that's worrying, especially the weight loss. His 'It is what it is' response sounds like it means 'I know I may have something sinister, but because I'm terrified and don't wantt yo admit it, I'm pretending that because facing up to it won't magically make it go away, that there is no benefit to going to the doctor's'. Keep badgering him. Remind him that it might be something non-scary, in which case he's prolonging his (and your) worry for nothing.

Thank you both for your comments. Yes I’m worried about losing him.. and I’ve tried saying it might be something that’s easy to treat. I spoke to him again tonight to let him know how worried I am but he just told me not to worry, and he says he’s not going to the doctors as he doesn’t think he needs to.. I’m not sure what else I can do .. :(

Have you let him see how upset you are?

He knows yes @TotalRhubarb

He doesn’t know I’ve been crying but he knows I’m worried.. I don’t think I’ll be able to persuade him to go to doctors.. he’ll only go if / when he decides he needs to go. Think I’ll have to accept that.. he’s always been the same..