Suspicion of dementia

[SummersBreeze]

My mom is late 60s I suspect dementia might be setting in. It's not a forgetfulness as such. There is some forgetfulness but it's mild and I can be nearly the same forgetting things due to work related hours and stress.

It's more so irrational outbursts of anger.

There was an episode this morning from her. Lately we had some lovely dry weather and she got loads of household laundry done. She washed a lot and got a lot air dried out side on the line and then hung them up inside. This morning she further aired a lot of dry clothes by putting them in the dryer. She usually does air clothes for a few minutes. After about 15 minutes I turned off the dryer thinking these must be dry now and I reminded her of the news of rising energy costs and she didn't like any of this. She turned around and she turned the tumble dryer back on before screaming in my face about the cost of bills and not to boss her about. I get the sense that she turned the dryer back on out of spite and to gain control over the situation where she left the dryer on for further time and then put in another air dried load after that.

She was screaming in my face about bossing her around. It was a complete over reaction. I wasn't bossing her about.

If a electricity bill comes in for 100s she will be scolding me for the bill as if I am responsible for it all yet I am out at work every day from morning til late. When I put on laundry I do about 1 wash a month that is about 60 degrees and I make sure that is a short wash and that would be an under and sock wash. Any other laundry I do would be quick, 20 minute, 30degree loads and I hang dry on clothes horses. Any time I am home and if she has a wash in all of her loads are up to 2 hours long and up to 60 degree washes. She will never turn the dial down to 40 or 30. She will never use the quick option.

So back to my opening post. I suspect she has dementia and just wondering what my steps should be now to perhaps get her seen to by her GP? She attends the GP practice regularly in relation to high blood pressure and other matters but I don't think dementia is on the cards.

I will be some changes happening this spring too and I am anxious it might make her worse in relation to her mood and temper.

I’m sorry that you feel your mum is perhaps going down this road. Book an apt with the GP & explain when you’d like some memory tests. I did this before I spoke to my parent & then told them I’d done it & they were surprisingly ok.

Those tests were done right away. Next came brain scans & blood tests (within 3 months) then weeks of psychological assessments- there was a 6 month waiting list for this before it started. We are almost up to the 12 month point & only now we have a diagnosis.

I’d been worried for a couple of years earlier but with the pandemic / lack of seeing them so much, didn’t do much about it.

Good luck

Maybe she doesn't think a quick 30 wash will get clothes clean and likes to have it all completely dry. Did you ask her before you turned it off, maybe she does think you are a bit bossy, is it her house? She might have dementia coming on or she might just like her routines and doesnt like being told what to do. Have you sat down with her quietly to say you are a bit concerned about her outbursts, is there anything worrying her.

@BlanketsBanned

Maybe she doesn't think a quick 30 wash will get clothes clean and likes to have it all completely dry. Did you ask her before you turned it off, maybe she does think you are a bit bossy, is it her house? She might have dementia coming on or she might just like her routines and doesnt like being told what to do. Have you sat down with her quietly to say you are a bit concerned about her outbursts, is there anything worrying her.

We are living in uncertain times. For weeks we had nothing but the events in Ukraine in the news along with the effects from the war and news on rising energy costs left, right and centre. We are all going to pay. Myself and my mom is not rich. I don't have the funds to keep on going. We will all have to make changes. We had a beautiful dry day yesterday. She got clothes dry on the line yesterday and hung them up overnight on railings inside followed by airing in the tumble dryer. They couldn't be any more dryer. Ok, if she felt that she needed the tumble dryer on for longer to get things more dry, could she perhaps consider offsetting it with the next load. There are cycles in the machine that are 50 minutes long with a 40 degree wash. She will always press the pre-wash function, followed by extra spin and the loads always end up being hours at 90/80/60 degrees. There was no need for the tumble dryer to be on today for the length of time that it was on for.

I am not being bossy. I am being fair with uncertain times ahead.

She behaved in a similar way throughout the pandemic, nobody was going to tell her what to do. It's just stubborness.

She blew right on up into my face this morning while I was trying to get ready for work and she didn't care. It was crazy ranting and she brought up stuff that had no bearing in the hear and the now and had nothing to do with what she was telling to me about.

@Superstar22

I’m sorry that you feel your mum is perhaps going down this road. Book an apt with the GP & explain when you’d like some memory tests. I did this before I spoke to my parent & then told them I’d done it & they were surprisingly ok.

Those tests were done right away. Next came brain scans & blood tests (within 3 months) then weeks of psychological assessments- there was a 6 month waiting list for this before it started. We are almost up to the 12 month point & only now we have a diagnosis.

I’d been worried for a couple of years earlier but with the pandemic / lack of seeing them so much, didn’t do much about it.

Good luck

I could speak to our GP but I will have to do so in confidence. I will never be able to come clean and be honest with my mom. She grew up in a Catholic dominant country who despised women. She had daggers for my back when I was younger. She mellowed over the years but she's gone back to her old ways. She won't ever come and blurt it out but she hates women and thinks the majority of them are evil. She doesn't trust me even though I never gave her a reason to be like this. I live at home but I help and I pay my way. In fact, I was the only way to keep the show on the road for a long time. I helped to decrease our chances of picking up covid by doing online grocery shops. I was always helping. She has more faith in a drugged up brother of mine than she does in me. She doesn't trust me which is also evident because she put another sibling of mine down as her next of kin because he's the oldest sibling but the thing is he's living all the way across the world. What good is her next of kin in another country across the world?
Her long term memory indicates that women are bad and this is the way she now sees me.

I really do think there's dementia setting in.

What do I say to my GP to get the ball rolling down this road of a dementia diagnosis? We attend the same practice and we are known. My GP knows me as someone who turns up only when I have to be there, so that's usually once or twice a year although in recent times a condition has been diagnosed in me and I will need more GP care when that flares. So far they do trust me.

My mom had far too many outbursts over nothing over the past 2 or so years and even before that there was some senseless stuff going on. It's only lately I am thinking it's perhaps the onset of dementia because the outbursts are senseless and careless. I did a search on gransnet and a few things popped out to me there. Where some people with dementia are so cruel and mean to those most closest to them and anyone else they come across as sweet. My mom is definitely like this. She can look so sweet to anyone who is a man but she treats women who are the most closest to her as dirt. Her sister had a some who committed suicide and my mom was so sweet to her face but behind it all, all she did was judge her sister.

To be honest, you seem far more focused on her laundry habits than the outburst. You also say that she dislikes women which suggests that maybe the rant she had at you is rooted in that rather than dementia.

I can't honestly see that you are going to get her to the GP (without making your already difficult relationship MUCH MUCH worse) or even that what you've said shows obvious or serious signs of dementia that need looking into.

If she hates women and her behaviour towards you is worsening then you are in for a rough ride for the future if you are living in her property.

You need to make some plans about how you are going to manage the situation and the future. Even if there is dementia (with a diagnosis) it wouldn't alter the circumstances.

She is an adult, she can do what she likes.
Perhaps she felt like she was being treated as a child by you

Hold on. How many outbursts in two years and what were they about?

Was she tumble drying clothes out the wardrobe or things she'd brought in from the line but wasn't certain we're fully dry? That's a huge difference.

Why do you live with your mum? Does she just want some space? Does she contribute financially to the home or just you?

Did you always lived with her? Or is this a recent thing with you living there? Do you pay rent or how do the finances work between you.
If it's her house that she owns, I'd say she's allowed to put the drier on whenever she likes. If you are paying for all household expenses that's different.