Does dementia always show as a forgetfulness?

[SummersBreeze]

My mom is aging and there has been some issues over the past few years where she doesn't make any sense ranting and raving and then there's other issues where there's no comprehension or sense. Just some odd stuff happening.

Have you asked the GP for a memory assessment ?

Not always, it depends. But it certainly sounds like something has changed. Will she go to her GP? Can you go too?

No it doesn't. My mum had a type where her first sign was behavioural changes and losing words for things.

@SummersBreeze

My mom is aging and there has been some issues over the past few years where she doesn't make any sense ranting and raving and then there's other issues where there's no comprehension or sense. Just some odd stuff happening.

Can you describe what sort of things she is saying?

My mum's dementia certainly started with short term memory isses - she would repeat herself and ask the same questions within a few minutes. She is imagining things now, but that is fairly recent.

No its not just memory loss. Often it is being unable to do simple things such as make a cup of tea, getting dressed, putting rubbish in strange places.

@CMOTDibbler

No it doesn't. My mum had a type where her first sign was behavioural changes and losing words for things.

My mom isn't in this place exactly.

It's something different. There's just some senseless stuff going on from her. Some senseless ranting.

For example, one of my brothers is due to fly the nest soon to go abroad and she was ranting and Tanvi g about how boring this country is going to be and she will have nothing left once he's gone. It was a rant that was really down. Even though I will be close by and she won't be alone as such but she was ranting and raving about that. It didn't make sense.

There even other rants over the past 2 years or so too and there was some stuff even thinking back, wasn't really right and it has me thinking if dementia is setting in but it's not showing up as a typical forgetfulness. There is some forgetfulness but it's mild. Mainly there's some bad moods if she doesn't get her way.

Knittingaddict -

There's just some behaviours that don't make sense.

Like her phone rang yesterday and she saw it but she decided that she didn't want to answer it because she didn't recognise the number. After the phone stopped ringing she wanted me to Google the number and so I did but the information wasn't on Google. I checked my own phone for cross reference and it looked as of it is the number from the doctors surgery when doctors phone patients. My mom didn't want to accept this answer from me because it was a different number to the one that you ring. Then she decided to go cold on me as if I was responsible for Google not having the answer she wanted.

There were other instances too over the past two years or so and when I think back on them, they were completely senseless.

Another symptom is inappropriate behaviour such as overly physical displays of affection, especially when they are not normally.

How old is she OP ?

Not just memory loss
Our brain is applying learned data (from baby to adult) to all social interactions. We "learn" a lot of our personalty as we react to external stimulus.
Dementia can show as the inability to process events in a logical way (A to B to C), fixation/frustrations can happen as the person can go from A to B but cant no matter how they try to move to C but their brain cant produce the learned data needed to make the connections.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/symptoms/

Her GP can do some tests. While the doctor may not directly discuss her medical histoey the doctor can listen to specific concerns you may have about her memory and other social behaviour.

I’m wondering if my mother is getting dementia. She forgets words for things and peoples name sometimes.
She gets suddenly suspicious or can be very spiteful. Other times she is very nice. I never know where I am with her .

@NellGwynne

I’m wondering if my mother is getting dementia. She forgets words for things and peoples name sometimes. She gets suddenly suspicious or can be very spiteful. Other times she is very nice. I never know where I am with her .

This is sums up very vaguely where my mom is now too. I am in the same position. I don't know what way the wind is going to blow every morning with her. If she's going to be nice to me or in the mood of ignoring me.

I am mindful of my own attitude to her so I don't go around mocking her or insulting her or being critical of her or being sarcastic. I am somewhat soft with her no matter what. I remain positive as much as possible.

Like last week when she was ranting at me about my brother flying the nest to go away, she was somewhat upset that she will have no family around any more (and I don't count as family do I?). She was ranting to me saying she will have nothing to do anymore. So I was encouraging her to keep busy and maybe go for more walks. It didn't matter what I said she found a fault with everything I said.

It can manifest in continence issues and also movement issues. Looking back, those were the first signs with dad (and were confirmed by a neurologist)

Long term memory remains longest

Take the phone no

When she grew up people had one fixed phone line and one number.

She has since learned that 2+ lines can be given to the Dr.

She knows 1 Dr no and her brain defaults to everyone can only have 1 no.
She has to accept that her knowledge (memory) is wrong, relearn that the Dr can have 2+ and that the new number is the Dr.
If she cant hold the new memory she loops back to "Unknown no cant be Dr calling"

@SolasAnla

Long term memory remains longest

Take the phone no

When she grew up people had one fixed phone line and one number.

She has since learned that 2+ lines can be given to the Dr.

She knows 1 Dr no and her brain defaults to everyone can only have 1 no.
She has to accept that her knowledge (memory) is wrong, relearn that the Dr can have 2+ and that the new number is the Dr.
If she cant hold the new memory she loops back to "Unknown no cant be Dr calling"

That makes a lot of sense.

@SolasAnla

Not just memory loss Our brain is applying learned data (from baby to adult) to all social interactions. We "learn" a lot of our personalty as we react to external stimulus. Dementia can show as the inability to process events in a logical way (A to B to C), fixation/frustrations can happen as the person can go from A to B but cant no matter how they try to move to C but their brain cant produce the learned data needed to make the connections.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/symptoms/

Her GP can do some tests. While the doctor may not directly discuss her medical histoey the doctor can listen to specific concerns you may have about her memory and other social behaviour.

How do I go down this road? We both attend the same medical practice. Will I make an appointment and discuss my concerns with a doctor? Would I need to have my mother there?

Social behaviour is another aspect of what I am concerned about. For example this was last year or the year before. Me and her were in town and when we got the bus home and got off the bus in the town, there was a smoker outside the local pub and that man was my father her ex. She stood across the road and she didn't want to be seen by him but she continued on walking nudging me all along the way - 'oh, look at him, look at him but don't look at him.....'. She behaved like a schoolgirl seeing her crush or ex.
There's other anti social stuff too. Like for example there was a death in the extended family last year and I found out first from my partner who works in a bar. Ally mom could do was focus the news back around onto herself and say 'why wasn't I told'. I explained it's still a new and early development and no one got around to telling her yet and I said the best person to phone is my aunty A. My mom refused to do that and instead rang her deadneat drunk of a brother. The my mom made issues around the funeral too and when the funeral did come about she behaved as if she was at a teenage disco. She went missing to behind the church with a few of her old buddies. It wasn't the time or the place for that carry on.

My mom was raised in a Catholic dominanted country where men were viewed as precious within a family and women were seen as evil and dumped into homes to be abused.

She had daggers for my back when I was growing up as a teenager even though I wasn't bad. I always aimed to please but it was never good enough. She did eventually mellow to me. Anyways I find myself living at home now and I do my best. Lately it's becoming unbearable. Sometimes the silence from her is deafening as if I am evil. She has no problem sitting in the same room as me blunting out one word sharp answers and then silence. Yetme keeping the show on the road paying the bills and ordering groceries because she has no experience with the internet or computers.

For my Mum it was trouble finding words which was the first sign. Though her moods had also been very up and down for years, not sure if this was the dementia or not.

Hope your mum is ok.

The early signs with my stepmother was in appropriate behaviour. Her language became quite offensive and she had less inhibitions so it was a bit of an issue when out. Also she started craving sweet drinks such a tizer and cherryade. She was diagnosed with pre-frontal dementia.

If she's always been a nasty piece of work (which you imply given your description of how she was when you were a child) then nothing has particularly changed has it - why are you leaping to dementia?

People who were nasty or had MH conditions when they were middle aged don't suddenly become sweet little old ladies - they remain nasty buggers in their old age. So maybe a MH condition, maybe her personality. Unlikely to be dementia though unless the behaviour is very different to how she usually is.

@titchy

If she's always been a nasty piece of work (which you imply given your description of how she was when you were a child) then nothing has particularly changed has it - why are you leaping to dementia?

People who were nasty or had MH conditions when they were middle aged don't suddenly become sweet little old ladies - they remain nasty buggers in their old age. So maybe a MH condition, maybe her personality. Unlikely to be dementia though unless the behaviour is very different to how she usually is.

She wasn't the nicest person when I was younger. A lot of that was based on how she herself was raised then she married a man who turned abusive. She just had a sexiest attitude when I was growing up and she treated me and my brothers differently.

She eventually mellowed and warmed to me. It looks to me as if she is going back to the old days. The silence from her was dealing yesterday but as soon as my brother walked into the room she was all talk to him.

There was other senseless stuff too. Like throughout the pandemic she behaved as if I was the one spreading disease but I took the lockdown very seriously. However I had to go to work. My work and transport to work was low risk. Not only that in the year 2020, I never once got sick with colds. If I needed to cough or sneeze I would run to the door as if it was a bomb I was holding. To protect others from my germs. My mother behaved as if I was constantly spreading disease. I remember episoded where she would break out in cleaning around the kitchen similar to OCD but she was never OCD before. Yet,on the very same hand she refused to cover her own coughs and sneezes. She wasn't ever able to comprehend the hygiene aspect of the public health advice. She would only break out cleaning when I was around.

That was another incident. It just didn't make any sense. She certainly wasn't protecting me from any potential harmful germs she was coughing and sneezing. She was cleaning because I'm her mind I was the one spreading disease even though I wouldn't even be coughing or sneezing.

You have 2 options.

A) Make an appointment and raise your concerns with the doc. 1 on 1 < this can happen if your mum refuses permsision.
Or use it as a pre-appointment eg if you need to be a little more forthright about your concerns and your mum would take them as a personal attack rather than genuine worry.

B) Get your mothers permission and make an appointment for your mother and you go with her she raises issues you fill in additional information and give examples. < this is only possible if your mum agrees.

Pick say 10 examples over the last 2 years.
Rank from small change to large change
See if the time line reflects events happening more frequently or more extremely or have a commonality.

The first sign my mum had Alzheimer’s was a loss of smell (2018 so before Covid) and that sense of smell has never returned. Apparently it’s a very early and common sign.
I knew she has dementia because she would tell me the same story several times, literally 15 mins after the first time and would have no recollection that she had already told me.
She would do strange things like take cheese out of the fridge to make a sandwich then put it back in the bread bin or microwave.
She would also drive on a familiar, regular route and forget which road to turn onto.
I just knew she had it, I know my mum enough to know when something was very off even when my dad couldn’t (or wouldn’t?) acknowledge it.
Would you be able to get your mum to her gp so they can do a mini cognitive test?
When I go with mum to her cognitive assessments, one of the tasks they always get her to do is to draw a classic clock face with an suggested time on it. They say that is one thing many dementia sufferers struggle with.

@titchy

If she's always been a nasty piece of work (which you imply given your description of how she was when you were a child) then nothing has particularly changed has it - why are you leaping to dementia?

People who were nasty or had MH conditions when they were middle aged don't suddenly become sweet little old ladies - they remain nasty buggers in their old age. So maybe a MH condition, maybe her personality. Unlikely to be dementia though unless the behaviour is very different to how she usually is.

I was thinking the same while reading your posts op. She just sounds like a rather negative and not very nice person. Nothing is screaming dementia to me. Do you feel like you need a diagnosis to make yourself more able to cope with her.

If there are mental health issues then it's not necessarily dementia. My mil ended up in a secure care home and didn't have dementia. There are other things it could be, but it may just be her personality or depression maybe.