Please please help, my DH's insomnia is causing huge problems but he won't do anything about it!

[peggotty]

He has had insomnia pretty much since our dd (now nearly 3) was born, despite her being a terrific sleeper, that's what seemed to have set it off. I am now 37 weeks pg with dc2 and am suffering pretty badly with pregnancy insomnia myself. We are sleeping in separate rooms. Both of us are barely functioning with lack of sleep and I feel absolutely bloody dreadful about my dd who is the one bearing the brunt of this. I know that my insomnia is short-ish-term but I am at the end of my tether with my Dh's. THis sounds selfish and heartless of me, I know, but I am sick of all his energy going into work and then the weekends consisting of him going around with his face tripping him and with no effort on his part to do ANYTHING. I know insomnia is an illness but he won't help himself. He says he's going to go to the gp, been saying it for about a year but hasn't. I have researched insomnia on the internet and there is no fast cure, mostly self-help and a lot of effort on the part of the sufferer, I just can;t see him doing it. I am so totally fed-up of me and dd only getting the dregs of him, because that's it feels like. It's only going to get worse when the baby is born. I feel so overwhelmed.

Please, anyone ...?

Can you make him an appointment, and then tell him 'you're going to the GP on xx at xx o'clock'?

Sympathy to you - my dh is absolutely hopeless at going to see the GP if anything is wrong.

And it may sound an obvious thing, but have you talked to him about it, without getting cross/emotional? Just a rational, non-accusatory conversation to tell him how you feel about it all?

THe stupid thing is, we talk about it regularily and usually in a calm way - Ive told him that I think he would be a different person if he could sort it out and that he's changed since suffering from insomnia. He accepts that he actually HAS bad insomnia but the procrastination over sorting anything out with him is unbelievable - he will put things off for months or years until things are at absolute breaking point before he galvanises himself to do anything. Today has been awful - he says he didn't sleep from 11.30pm last night despite having a lie-in til 10am this morning. I was also awake for several hours last night and am particularily sore today. I feel so incredibly selfish saying this but I just want him to look after me in these last few weeks of pregnancy but he just isn't capable - I am feeling disgustingly sorry for myself. He's sat in front of the tv now watching crap sport and ignoring me and dd.

Thank you for replying btw

CBT for insommnia is meant to be the best thing...although it didn't work for me!!

I was sent to a sleep clinic because of severe insomnia, but what works best for me is a very low dose of tricyclic anti-depressant. I was always ill and run down when I wasn't sleeping, but physical health is now much better.

Short term, nytol is good or phenergan anti histamine tablets.

I can post cbt stuff if you want to know it hth

Fizzbuzz, thanks, I would like info on cbt. He occasionally takes nightnurse tablets but they just leave him groggy - are nytol and pherargen the same?

If you don't mind me asking - how long did you suffer from insomnia and how long to 'recover'?

I have to go offline for a bit but will come back later.

Thanks a lot in advance.

I've had it since I was sent to the Far East with work 18 years ago. The time difference started it all off...I never recovered! I had periods of good and bad, but it got worse and worse as I got older.

They might be the same, I know Sominex and phenergan are the same. I don't know what's in Night Nurse.

CBT is based on depriving your body of sleep to reset it's clock. It is meant to have a high success rate, but it is hard to keep going with it, as it is meant to take 6 weeks to 2 months to work, although thier should be improvements after 2 weeks.

1. no alcohol, coffee, coke, tea or choc after 2.00pm. Ditto physical exercise and sex. Nothing to over stimulate the system, like pubs or loud music 2)Room to be totally black(black out blinds with no chink of light)As silent as possible, not to hot or cold, and no clock and no naps

2)In the first week keep a diary of how much sleep you get, but don't nap in day.

3)Add total hours of sleep over past 7 days together and divide by 7. This is how much sleep you should aim to get in the next week even if it is 4 per night hours or whatever

4. In that week, don't go to bed until you feel tired and aim to go to bed about 1.00am. if you are not asleep within 20 mins, get up (this is really important) and go into another room, and sit or read quietly with a dim light (read a novel nothing taxing)When you feel sleepy go back to bed. If not asleep within 20 mins repear the whole thing. Get up at 5.00am, no matter how much sleep you have had, keep this up for a week.

If there is an improvement and you are getting a straight four hours, you can increase it by 1 hour. However if you slip again, you have to go back to core hours.

You have to get up at the same time every day, until you are sleeping better, then you are supposed to get up about 7.30 am every single day after that (no lie ins). Of course those foor hours could run from 2-6 or 3-7, it doesn't have to be 1-7. Or he may average 5 hours per night in the first week, and that is what he should aim for at first.

It is called sleep hygeine, but is very hard ime

Thanks fizzbuzz, that's really helpful.

Never worked out how you were supposed to time the 20 mins without a clock mind

The idea is so you aren't looking at every 5 mins thinking Oh God, I,ve got to get up in 2 hours/whatever.

Persoanlly I have found the little medical helper much much more beneficial