Terrified of biopsy results and stressed about taking sick leave

[flyingumbrellas]

Hi everyone,

I'm messaging because I just don't know what to do and am in immense anxiety because of it.

So in January I was ill with a chest infection that caused other symptoms that led to me going to A and E and incidentally discovering that I have a massive growth on my pancreas. I get my biopsy results this week, so far all indications are that it's benign but until the biopsy is confirmed I'm terrified and even if that's the case it is highly likely I'll need major abdominal surgery due to the size of the cyst. I have already been signed off for a month and just had that sick leave extended for a couple of weeks. I feel very guilty as I feel I'm letting my work down and my manager has been ignoring my messages. But on an emotional level I can't cope with work on top of this as I am already emotionally fragile after losing both parents, my dear Mother passed away at the start of the pandemic. I also feel tired very easily. Sometimes I'm in a lot of pain too. I'm just fed up of waiting for results. I feel unable to cope, this cyst discovery is like the straw that broke the camel's back.

There's a strong likelihood that the doctors will decide to do major history regardless of biopsy results, so I have rushed to finally clear my parents old house, as the stress of that was crushing me and it's been done with the help of a great builder.

I feel toppled by everything and today I just feel tired, weak, headachey and so stressed.

I feel heartbroken my parents aren't here, guilty I didn't do enough to help them, angry at myself that I can't work, upset I have this pancreas thing, useless and angry that I'm so overweight too...I can't be a good Mum while this is going on, or a good wife. I'm lucky, hubby is very supportive but he is also unwell and I can't help but feel terrible that I'm stressing him and our LO out. But I now feel like I'm dossing and useless and making all my problems up in my own head. Sorry to be so miserable. I'm just feeling utterly broken right now and don't know what to do.

Oh you poor, poor thing .
You need to take one thing at a time, and stop being so hard on yourself. First of all, you need to get well. Waiting for biopsy results would make anyone crazy - that doesn't make you a bad wife or mother at all, it makes you human!

Once the biopsy results come back (which you already know are likely to be benign), then sit down and have a chat with your dh about how you're all going to manage things through the surgery and recovery.

Why be angry with yourself for not being able to work? Your pancreas cyst isn't your fault! Hopefully your manager is giving you space rather than ignoring your messages out of annoyance. But if not, he/she is the problem, not you!

P.s. I'm pretty sure a massive panceatic cyst and grief over losing your parents are not problems you've made up in your own head!

Poor you, that sounds really stressful and also scary.
Weirdly, I know someone who has the exact same medical issue, and of course she is very worried too.
You can't do anything about your parents not being around, or what you've done in the past, but you can focus on dealing with the immediate future. You have already taken a big step by getting the house clearance done. Do you need to do anything else as far as the house is concerned?
Assuming the cyst is benign, having it removed is going to make you feel better in the long term. Make sure you are taking the right vitamins and eating a clean diet to put you in a good place for surgery and recovery. Concentrate on packing in nutrients rather than a weight loss diet. My DH swears by Marmite to keep his mood up, I think it contains Vitamin B, and it certainly works for him.
Will you need to make arrangements for your DC while you are having/recovering from surgery? Depending on how old they are, you might have to consider how to deal with the physical side of things - if you have abdominal surgery they can't be climbing all over you for a while. I see your DH is unwell too, is there anyone else who can step up for a while?
I've found people do help out when asked - I needed help when one of my DSs was in hospital and I had to be there too - once I let it be known that help was needed I had offer from a few people for the first week so that I didn't have to rush home. My friend had a pregnancy related illness and needed help with her DD1 getting to and from nursery - people were happy to do specific tasks like helping with transportation and then giving the child tea and taking them home once a week. Now is the time to be thinking about who you could ask.
Making lists helps so that you get everything out of your head and onto the paper.
Think about what would help you right now and in the long term - would it be grief counselling? yoga? seeing a nutritionist? having time out with a friend? Speaking to ACAS or your union about your job situation? If you are not at work, it will give you a bit of time to think about these things.
It does sound as if you've been really unlucky and anyone in your situation would struggle, it's not a personal failing on your part that has put you in this position.

Oh gosh.

You need to go easy on yourself.

Any one of those things is enough to deal with - without all of it coming at once.

When I was doing this once someone gave me some great advice/ words of wisdom I'll share with you.

"How would you react to someone going though what you are? You are entitled to receive what you'd give"

Take care of yourself. Do what you can manage only. Everything else will still be there tomorrow/ next week/ next year.

What you need today is what's best for you today

Sorry for your loss. Things seem very bleak right now, but you’ll get through it Op. Better days are ahead. Spring is round the corner.

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your kind messages xx Hubby and I are lucky as we live with very supportive neighbours who are like family and my in laws are all wonderful too. They've already said they'll help with our LO (who isn't little anymore, which definitely helps, I'm just so used to calling her little hehe). My manager eventually responded sympathetically and kindly, which I am grateful for. So I no longer feel pressured about work. Tomorrow I get biopsy results from a member of the surgical team. I'm utterly terrified but will distract myself before the appointment by watching my favourite TV programmes and doing word puzzles.