How to give effective support to someone suffering

[ashorterday]

DF has leukaemia and after several stays in hospital having chemo is now back in with covid and an infection.

The infection is being treated but he is extremely depressed - lost my dm a few months ago and he just feels that it's a massive uphill battle, one thing after the other.

We can't visit him, but we all text or ring him daily and have delivered stuff to the hospital for him. He said he is done with positivity, has had enough of hospital and has hit an all time low.

I've spoken to staff and said we are worried for his mental health, but they are run ragged and don't have any time to spend with him chatting etc.

We just don't know what we can do to help him.

I'm so sorry, this must be so tough for all of you.

Has he been prescribed any ADs? Are you able to do anything like FaceTime him?

He was given some ADs months ago but didn't take them. We can FaceTime him but tbh seeing us seems to make it worse.

It's got to the point where we have to think really carefully about what to text him because he's sick of how you feeling/stay strong/try and be positive etc. I'm wondering if I speak to his GP whether they will contact him (I know they can't discuss him with me but they might be willing to listen and maybe check on him)

I would just brace yourself for all the negativity and let him vent all his distress. It will be a great unburdening to him and having someone sit and listen and empathise will really help him.
You must look after yourself though and try and talk to someone after.

Is he religeous? Could you ask the hospital chaplain to visit him?

I would just try to listen and softly echo what he says back to him. Ask him what the worst bit is… then agree, yeah that sounds really awful. Tell him you also feel like it’s a totally crap situation… stay with him in the negative bit for a while, let him express it, let the ‘words hit the air’ rather than rolling around his mind. Then after a while he might show a sign of exiting the loop… like ‘if your mum were here she’d probably tell me…’ or ‘still.. I have you..’ or something slightly positive then you can embellish that gently.. but let him work towards his own positive steps from his situation, rather than give them to him. He’s got your love and support and that is worth so much. I’m sure he will get there, it’s just sounds like he needs to express how shxx it is for a while then he’ll come up again. Gp is a good idea. Some counties have self referral to wellbeing services too.

@MrsDoraDumble

I would just try to listen and softly echo what he says back to him. Ask him what the worst bit is… then agree, yeah that sounds really awful. Tell him you also feel like it’s a totally crap situation… stay with him in the negative bit for a while, let him express it, let the ‘words hit the air’ rather than rolling around his mind. Then after a while he might show a sign of exiting the loop… like ‘if your mum were here she’d probably tell me…’ or ‘still.. I have you..’ or something slightly positive then you can embellish that gently.. but let him work towards his own positive steps from his situation, rather than give them to him. He’s got your love and support and that is worth so much. I’m sure he will get there, it’s just sounds like he needs to express how shxx it is for a while then he’ll come up again. Gp is a good idea. Some counties have self referral to wellbeing services too.

I love that, I will try to do this more. I think the negative is difficult to hear so there is a tendency to distract loved ones from it, but it is so important to get it out and out of the head!

@MrsDoraDumble

I would just try to listen and softly echo what he says back to him. Ask him what the worst bit is… then agree, yeah that sounds really awful. Tell him you also feel like it’s a totally crap situation… stay with him in the negative bit for a while, let him express it, let the ‘words hit the air’ rather than rolling around his mind. Then after a while he might show a sign of exiting the loop… like ‘if your mum were here she’d probably tell me…’ or ‘still.. I have you..’ or something slightly positive then you can embellish that gently.. but let him work towards his own positive steps from his situation, rather than give them to him. He’s got your love and support and that is worth so much. I’m sure he will get there, it’s just sounds like he needs to express how shxx it is for a while then he’ll come up again. Gp is a good idea. Some counties have self referral to wellbeing services too.

That's what I will do, thank you. He seems to be getting better test results so hoping he will be home this week.