Being bipolar and taking medication...or not

[electra]

I have had a very rough time in the last few months which I did post about here. I was prescribed cipramil and quetiapine (mood stabaliser). I took this for a while but recently stopped. I know it might sound wreckless but I am afraid to be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life. I haven't taken them for at least 3 weeks and I am not depressed. I can look after my children again but my family have noticed that I am hyper lately. I also am finding it difficult to settle at night and take codine to make me sleep. I know this isn't good.

The thing I want to know is

Have I always been bipolar or can it be triggered? Is there a way for me to cope with this without needing drugs?

When I was very ill I was self-harming regularly and was extremely depressed but experiencing highs at the same time. I am not like that now but recognise that I still have porblems.

Anyone have a pov on this?

i think the am i arent i thing is interesting its not like you can have a blood test and its definitive or even have a specific correct medication its all very experimental

even being normal is a subjective assessment

clinically reckless or temperamentally reckless

The point that Stephen Fry made (he has a diagnosis, I think) is that while he can go out an be financially very exuberant and reckless in his manic phases, there is no real impact on his life, because he has enough money to 'indulge' his spending sprees, and has no family relying on his money.

The same degree and expression of mania in another setting, of a married man supporting a young family on limited money, would be a serious issue.

In the cases that I know about, the depression has affected to person with bipolar most and the manic phases affected the families most. The people with bipolar quite enjoyed the manic phases and took a lot of persuading to see that they were very harmful long term, and hurting those around them/.

It is a wildly broad condition, and every case is unique

well its certainly an interesting subject electra have you read touched by fire or an unquiet mind they are both really good books

i watched that stephen fry doc yep

i have an idea he isn't on medication but could be wrong

i agree what might make a difference tom one person doesn't to another i made that point to someone recently eg sexual promiscuity doesn't necessarily matter depending on the situation personally

He isn't on medication, and made the point that his depressive phases were 'cope-able' and that his manic phases were ok because he wasn't in a relationship and was rich enough to cope

and as you say sexual behavior isn'r an issue for some people, but can be horrific in other circumstances.

the academic I knew found his manic phases exceptionally productive in terms of his work life, but his home life took a real battering.

yes an illness if you like. but not in the same respect as measles or a broken bone. a purely medical model just does not cover mental health to my mind.

drugs have an extremely important role to play in the management of bi-polar disorder, but just as the diagnosis is never absolute neither can the type or function of drugs be as clearly defined as it would be with an illness of the body.

I have a personal objection to the application of the same language as used in body medicine to mental distress. I should be clear about that.

There are many ways of managing bi-polar depression and therapy is an important tool.

I think posts indicating that the OP is 'ill' and should take their medicine regardless of how it makes them feel (physically or emotionally) are less than useful.

What is clear though Electra is that whilst you may be managing without the meds at the moment, you may be in a manic phase. You need support and help and you need to access it sooner rather than when crisis hits. Are you in touch with your GP/Psychiatrist? Have you undergone or are you interested in having some therapy?

i agree with you sophable i don't think the illness model is helpful

it's an integral part of your being too and your personality

santa though, to be clear, I don't see it as NOT a problem...it is one if it is getting the way of functioning (loving and working essentially). supression of symptoms at all costs (physical and emotional) is not a solution to my mind though. although for some it is all that is possible for a number of reasons.

it is a horribly painful problem i know

don't worry

it's also horribly stigmatised which is the reason why i do post about it on mn not cos i like doing so i don't but i think there are loads of misconceptions and misunderstandings

and the medical profession is not always as good at understanding as could be

i was acknopwldeging that we have clashed on this kind of subject before

Some folks just aren't talkers, you know?

? not sure what you mean expat

Well, the whole therapy thing.

Let's 'talk' about your feelings.

Erm, let's not and say we did, k?

Let's go for a hike instead. Let's break out the guitar and learn a few new tunes.

Let's play piano.

Basically, I guess I'm just trying to say there are so many different ways of expressing oneself, just as there are so many different kinds of love out there.

So there are many approaches of dealing with a disease like this, and as MB pointed out what works for one person doesn't for another.

oh i thought thats what you meant i agree i was just checking

i always end up feeling told off like i am putting peoples lives at risk and when in fact i am just talking about myself not telling aanyone else how to run their lives

I hear you, Santa.

I don't have bi-polar disorder, but I have struggled with PND.

And likewise, it's affects people differently.

i prefer calling it manic depression for instance i think it is more expressive

and i am always manic depressive in the sense that it doesnt go away but im not in my eyes always ill...tho i am sometimes ill

being manic does get things done but it can also leave you with a horrible legacy of over committments and stress and a total inability to motivate yourself to do anything about them cos now you are depressed

and of course never finishing any darn thing cos you cant keep still

in fact not being able to keep still can be scary too

expat, of course different solutions/support work differently for everyone.

sometimes I think that the tone you take about therapy might imply that you view it as some kind of useless self indulgence which reams of research and studies would indicate is not at all the case. therapy is tremendously difficult and hard work. no client I have ever worked with has found it an 'indulgence'.

As someone who suffers from bouts of depression, I've come to the conclusion that the only way forward is to look at what I want from life and then decide the best way of achieving that.
At the moment, my desire to be a fully functioning, rational and in-control mother to my children is my priority. And to do this I need to take medication to control my depression. I find looking at it in this way makes me feel more in control of mental illness. I choose to be well which for me means medication. If a particular drug doesn't suit, ask for it to be reviewed.

I don't disagree with therapy at all. Or see it as self-indulgent.

It definitely works for some folks.

Just that it's NOT for everyone.

santa is that you zippi?

I wish you could find someone that you felt could be there for you and that you could talk to IRL expat. but that's just me putting my stuff on you....x

Soph, that's just it, I don't want to talk because IMO, there's nothing to talk about.

It is how it is.

yes sophable thought you realised tbh

it is possible if you are bipolar to be fine one morning and fucked by evening and then fine for a week or two years..well maybe not..but it's not easy to predict

that makes it hard and if you tell people they never treat you as they would if they didn't know

i'm single at the moment and i am totally undecided what if anything i may say to someone i might have a relationship with...not something i have had to contemplate ever before it's sure as anything not the first thing i'm saying

Thanks, everyone. It has really helped to read your posts on this, especially you santa.

Well, I have had a few very down days and I am going to see my doctor next week when she's back. Maybe I will have to accept that I do need the medication because it does make my life unpleasant when the loathing and self-doubt arrives unexpectedly and I feel that everyone dislikes me. I have also noticed some of my odd behaviours returning - the flirting,not sleeping, needing to walk/run constantly, noises bothering me, etc.

I tried to think about why it is that I'm down again and also about why I am not comfortable taing medication. I think I have triggered a bad spell with too much alcohol and lack of sleep. I think I'm uncomfortable with taking the medication, because I feel I've probably always been like this (just not so apparent) and I don't want to change myself or "lose" any of myself if that makes sense. My friend's dad is always on meds for his and she says he has lost his "spark" somewhat.

For the rest of you who are struggling with this too, I hope you're doing ok. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time too expat .

sophable - I would like to see a psychologist to try to work through some of my issues (I have seen someone before when I had problems after my daughter was born). So I'm going to ask my GP to refer me.

Have CATed you btw, santa