Dentist phobia - appointment tomorrow!!

[anxioustoothmonster]

I have a massive dentist phobia stemming back from an incident when I was little.

I haven't been for 8 years as I fall apart as soon as I get near one but yesterday my tooth fell out!!

I think as I minimum I have 6 'problem' teeth - a minimum of 2 will need to be removed but I wondered if anyone can impart any wisdom to get me through this?

I really need a dentist who will not overwhelm me by telling me a massive list of what needs to be done but rather deal with one or two teeth at a time if that makes sense, it is a private practice so hoping it may be a bit quieter/less rushed?

I'm scared, I've spent the morning crying since making the appointment - I'm annoyed that I've let myself get to this stage but I cannot explain just how deep my phobia is!

I had my first filling last week and was freaking out, made a thread on here. Nearly didn't go ahead with it, literally was sat in the chair crying before he started.

Was honestly fine. My advice is to keep your eyes closed the whole time as when I did open my eyes I got more panicy seeing things go in and out of my mouth.

Well done for going, you can do this.

I didn't go for 5 years as had a huge phobia. It actually got worse the longer I left it as I was so ashamed of my teeth and thought they were all awful. I went when I had children as wanted to set a good example and knew they needed to go. I told them I had a phobia and I had the loveliest, gentlest dentist who was so nice and I didn't need that much doing to my teeth in the end, I thought they were a lot worse than they actually were. I now go regularly and even have got Invisalign so feel people are always looking in my mouth. Good luck, hope it goes well.

I hear you OP, I'm also terrified. I can tell you what I do when I go incase it's helpful.

Firstly arrive just before your appointment so you're not spending time hanging around in the waiting room. Look at your phone while you're in the waiting room to distract yourself. When you get in the dentist's room be very upfront with the dentist that you're terrified and explain exactly what you're scared of. They'll have seen plenty of very anxious people before. Even if you have a little cry it's ok, it'll help them appreciate how nervous you really are.

If you've got noise cancelling headphones then take them and say you'd like to wear them during the appointment. I play music through the headphones quite loudly so I can't hear anything that's going on. I also do "yoga breathing" i.e. deep inhales and exhales to try to calm myself down.

The main thing is - don't blame yourself for the fact that you need some dental work done. I've beaten myself up for years but recently realised that a lot of it is down to genes. Also make sure you get a second opinion from another dentist. I didn't do that and ended up having a root canal once which in hindsight I don't think I needed.

Modern dentistry is a whole world away from the brutality of old-fashioned dentists (like the bastard dentist I had when I was a kid).

First thing - tell them you're terrified! They hear it all the time and know about treating nervous patients.

I am now totally over my dentist phobia since finding a nice dentist in adulthood. The only thing that is uncomfortable is if you have to have an injection. They can numb the gum a bit first. But it's not that bad and the tip my dentist gave me was WIGGLE YOUR TOES! He would keep saying it over and over "wiggle your toes! wiggle your toes!" and it works because it takes your mind off that moment of discomfort. Also the dental nurse held my hand and was saying "squeeze my hand! squeeze my hand!"

Once the injection kicks in, there is NO PAIN AT ALL.

You can also try taking a couple of paracetamol an hour before your appointment, and maybe even a couple of Kalms or other herbal remedy for anxiety.

Or if you're REALLY freaking out, you can ask your GP to give you a couple of tranquillisers prior to your appointment, although you'll need someone else to drive you or whatever.

And think how nice your teeth will be when they're all fixed!

Here's a reminder from the ageless Pam Ayres...

Can you call them and tell them? Explain exactly what you've written here. The worst that can happen is they don't change anything and carry on as normal. It's not uncommon so you definitely won't be the first patient they've had who is afraid. I have a phobia with hospitals and I have to tell any doctor/nurse about it. It's horrible to admit, but almost always they're a bit gentler with me - don't treat me like I'm another case number. Obviously the treatment is the same, but they check I'm ok. Sometimes there's an medic who doesn't care, but usually they're nice about it.

My top tips would be:

1. Never go on your own, always have a trusted, caring friend, family member or partner with you who 100% will help you through your fears. Don't take anyone you think might get impatient with you, or who tells you to be brave and minimises or dismisses your fears.

1. Your first appointment should be spent with the dentist looking at your teeth to allow them to make an initial assessment what work needs to be done and then talk you through the priorities. Ask them to just look, using the mirror, absolutely no poking, or prodding, and nothing actually done. Maybe, if your nerves can cope, have a full mouth x-ray too (that is painless) so they can assess your jaw bones and any potential root problems.

1. Make sure the practice you go to is experienced in dealing with phobic patients. Also ask them what sedation options they offer. Conscious sedation is very good, and many will consider full sedation with appropriate medical/hospital support.

1. Make sure the practice will allow extra time for your appointments (double the normal time slot). You will need to be sure they are not rushing you. You need to feel confident that if you ask them to pause what they are doing they will, and won't just tell you to hold on until they finish. Take as much time as you need to calm yourself during these pauses before giving them permission to carry on.

1. Make sure the practice can make all your appointments with one, or maximum 2, dentists. You will need continuity and to be able to build trust in the dentist treating you. If you don't like or trust the first dentist who assesses you, look for another, and another, until you find someone you can trust to understand your fears and treat you accordingly.

1. Never ever play down any pain or discomfort you feel. Tell them instantly if you feel any pain and make sure they address it. There is no reason these days to experience any pain at all during the treatment. Although you may have pain after you get home once the numbing wears off, this too can be dealt with by appropriate pain medication.

I really congratulate you on your first step of making your appointment. It is a huge step, and with the right dentist, and taking things slowly, you can do this. I send you support and a handhold.

Your first appointment should be spent with the dentist looking at your teeth to allow them to make an initial assessment what work needs to be done and then talk you through the priorities.

Just to add to this. It's this part that I find the most scary as I'm completely paranoid and I convince myself every time that they're going to tell me my teeth are all falling out. The last couple of dentists I've seen read out numbers and grades on your teeth to the dental nurse as they look through your mouth. I find this very distressing as I don't know what any of it means and start panicking. This is where the headphones come in handy to block it all out.

Personally I find the actual dental work much less scary than this part.

@sheroku I completely understand what you mean, it's like a code which excludes you and that is scary. But you can ask the dentist what it means, and to talk you through it as they do it. But I also agree, listening to lovely music and keeping your eyes shut does really help.

Thanks all - I'm beyond terrified, I think for me it's the overwhelming feeling of being told all of this needs to happen/be done etc and knowing I will need to have lots of follow up appointments haha.

Give them a call today and let them know how you are feeling - they’ll have heard it all before, so don’t worry.

I too hate being a dentalphobic - like most people caused by a horrendous childhood experience. There were some right bastard dentists around years ago.

Ask your GP for propranolol (beta blockers). They'll reduce your anxiety without making you drowsy.

Thanks all - I'm beyond terrified, I think for me it's the overwhelming feeling of being told all of this needs to happen/be done etc and knowing I will need to have lots of follow up appointments haha

I completely understand OP. It won't be enjoyable but just focus on the sense of relief you will feel once you've got that first appointment out the way. Knowing exactly what you're up against is far far better than lying awake at night worrying about it. Have a little cry in the dentist's chair if you need to, I've done that and it makes them be extra nice to you!

This link explains about the code (not the only site available of course) .. and not my dentist in case anyone wonders (I live in Spain so have to do my dental visits in spanish).

www.churchfielddental.co.uk/dental-jargon

Hope I have not broken a MN rule by posting this link, didn't in any way mean it as advertising or endorsement.

Unfortunately I think knowing what the codes mean might actually make me feel worse! My gums are not in great shape so I know they will be reading out some bad things when looking at my teeth. I'm sticking to the noise cancelling headphones technique for now!

@anxioustoothmonster I am so sorry you feel so scared, but try and remind yourself you can do it at your own pace. You don't have to have appointments all crammed together. Give yourself time between appointments to recover. I recently had some work done on my teeth and spread the 4 appointments it needed over 6 months. A good dentist will help you by planning anything you need with time in between to let you calm down and regain your equilibrium. for you

I hear you, you are not alone, lots of people have this exact same experience. It's really, really common, I was terrified as a child.

A couple of times I cried so much in the chair that the dentist told my parents to take me away again. Win. 😀

So, as an adult, what did I do so I could have my teeth treated ?

Absolutely, check in advance that the dentist you are going to see is used to dealing with people who are not 'comfortable' in the dentists chair.

There are two things that absolutely helped me. The first is to focus on breathing out.

It's not comfortable when someone is poking round your mouth, very easy to find you can't breath out. This makes all the tension and fear even worse. If you have to ask them to stop for a moment so you can breathe out.

Keep practising breathing out while they get on with things.

The second point is to have some control. My dentist has agreed a signal: If I raise my right hand he will immediately stop.

I've been going for decades now, had some significant work done and never had to actually stop him. I'm thinking breathe out, oh, that was a bit of a gasp but there I've managed to breath out. He is still working in my mouth. Does it hurt? No. Do I need him to stop? No, not just now. Ok breathe out again.

Then he says ok, rinse and spit and I am all done.

I hope you find someone sympathetic who can help you, too. It's such a relief when you are no longer haunted by this fear. Modern dentistry really is a miracle for me.

I did the raise the hand thing to stop when my son had to have extractions of baby teeth that just wouldn't move on out. His first attempt, a single tear rolled down his face and the dentist refused to do the extractions. We arranged another dentist and I stayed with him in his sight line and the dentist agreed to stop if my son raised his hand during the extractions. My son only stopped him once because he needed to swallow. A special treat was promised if he was brave. As soon as he was out of the chair, he wanted to be taken straight to buy the game.

My son is quite blasé about visits to the dental hygienist and dental check ups now. He said having a verruca burnt off his foot hurt a lot more than the dentist did.

My dentist knows I am nervous. I go every six months because I am so nervous. We went to a dental nursing training school as school pupils where 18 year old featherheaded girls practiced drilling and filling our permanent teeth and I mean practiced. Slow drills and no painkillers. Many of us emerged from this with dreadful dental work and a lifetime phobia of dentists. That sort of things doesn't happen any more. The injections work and the modern drills are so fast. So much more can be done now - the dental nurses' horrible metal fillings which I had have been replaced by porcelain overlays which were made to fit the missing bit of the tooth which had been drilled. I cracked a front tooth - no I don't know how I did it and it didn't even have a filling in it - and that was saved by putting a metal thing at the back to reinforce it. My teeth in my late fifties probably look better than they did in my twenties.

I'm mid 20s

When I was younger I needed a couple of fillings done, I was sent from my nice private dentist to a miserable woman who tormented me!

She did one with no numbing at all and the other she made me look at the needle.

I am overweight and always have been even as a child the whole time I was there she blamed everything on my weight said I must not have many friends and then made me keep a food diary for 2 months which kickstarted an earring disorder!!

May not seem like much but it has really stayed with me!

I'm sorry you've had such a terrible experience. Fortunately now you're an adult you've got the power so if you don't like your dentist then you can say so and choose another one. Your dentist shouldn't be telling you off and certainly should not be commenting on your weight. I've got the most lovely hygienist who spends the whole appointment saying "you're doing so brilliantly, well done you" and other encouraging things. I make sure to request her every time I go!

Well I've just had a drink and more has come out and I think it has exposed the nerve!

I think I must truly have been bad in a past life!

@anxioustoothmonster If it's any consolation, I'm going to the dentist tomorrow and because my teeth are looking a bit grim, I've made the first appointment just to see the hygienist and get them cleaned up. I'm too embarrassed to let the actual dentist see them!

Then when I see the actual dentist next week, I already know that I need work because one of my back teeth it definitely cracked and it hurts like f*.

So you are not alone!

Today's the day. I've been up since 5, feel sick and can't keep still.

Thought multiple times about cancelling my appointment mostly worried if they take it out about dry socket!

You can do this. Whatever you do don't cancel, you'll only be delaying it and you'll have to go through all of this horrible build up all over again.

It'll be alright. Just remember, they'll have seen teeth in much worse state than yours. You're doing the right thing by going now. Believe me you'll feel better just knowing what the reality of the situation is rather than imagining all the possible things wrong with your teeth.

Sending a handhold for you today

Well I went!

Not good news!

They want me to have 6 teeth out and 7 fillings! One of the teeth out I have to see a surgeon for because of the way it's broken.

All shit!!!!!!!!!