How to collect a poop sample without it touching the bowl or water - sorry!

[Choux]

The leaflet seems to show a bit of toilet paper to catch it but that's just going to go straight into the water isn't it?

Note that all suggestions need to be something an 81 yr old man could accomplish on his own. I do NOT want to have to help him!

@DropYourSword amazing typo! Can't understand why more people don't get their tradesmen involved in sample collection!

The window cleaner was here this morning but that's not quite the same thing. Although he had a decently big bucket!

Pee first. Catch turd in wodge of toilet paper. You only need a tiny smudge of it.

@tearinghairout

Pee first. Catch turd in wodge of toilet paper. You only need a tiny smudge of it.

This is what he is hopefully doing right now,

save one of those metal dishes instant dinners come in. Line it with TP (this makes the poo disposal so easy and non messy).

Pee first. Then hold the dish under the toilet seat while you poo. You don't need to catch every turd.

Take the sample, secure it, then empty dish into loo and flush.

If you have a bidet, even easier. pee in lav, put the tray in the bidet which supports it, and poo.

I do this every 2 years for faecal blood tests; its very easy honest.

@2bazookas

save one of those metal dishes instant dinners come in. Line it with TP (this makes the poo disposal so easy and non messy).

Pee first. Then hold the dish under the toilet seat while you poo. You don't need to catch every turd.

Take the sample, secure it, then empty dish into loo and flush.

If you have a bidet, even easier. pee in lav, put the tray in the bidet which supports it, and poo.

I do this every 2 years for faecal blood tests; its very easy honest.

UPDATE: he couldn't go. We will try again later. I may line a container with toilet paper as a receptacle.

I do not want anything to do with the cleaning up process afterwards.

Thanks for all your tips.

Gives a whole new vision of fiddler on the roof.

OMG this thread is hilarious, haven't laughed so much in ages
totally misses the point of the thread