Could my partner be autistic?

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My OH is 70 and we've been together 30 years. I've always wondered if he might be autistic but I know very well what his reaction would be ('there's no such thing') if I suggested finding out!

Can anyone help? If I describe what I've noticed obviously that's not a proper way to get a diagnosis but might help me with conversations.

He's extremely intelligent and creative, very sociable, able to get into long involved conversations about most things.

He is very interested in certain subjects - and once he gets onto them it's like an encyclopaedic lecture that can go on for ages.

He's always been prone to meltdowns. Verbal, never physical. Shouting, swearing, insults - then afterwards it's like it never happened. They've reduced as time goes on, though, and he doesn't flare up so often now.

He has a variety of habits that have never really changed:

Standing with heels together, toes out, lifting toes up and down slowly

Wrapping arms round his torso and fluttering his fingers very quickly, usually while making a fizzing buzzing sound, forcing the air out and biting his bottom lip. It seems to send his blood pressure up as he goes red and can get breathless doing it.

Suddenly opening his mouth and distorting his face.

I've often felt worried about it all because he had a heart attack ten years ago, and I do wonder if these actions could lead to something like another heart attack or a stroke.

I'm sorry if it's not appropriate to ask - but I don't know who I could ask in real life.

Hi OP, just bumping this one for you in the hope that someone will be able to help.

Thank you

I mean nobody but a doctor can really say. In the kindest way possible it’s a moot point since you say you would never be able to convince him that he might need help.

His shouting/swearing etc isn’t likely to be more palatable to you if you can say in your head that he might be autistic - the only helpful aspect of knowing you’re autistic is that you can access support, and it doesn’t sound like he would want to do that.

He could be but he might not be! All kinds of personality types and conditions can cause a person to have rude, aggressive outbursts and I wouldn't have said that's only the domain of people with autism.

Does he meet the basic criteria if you do an Internet checklist for adults with autism?

I agree that it's hard to know what you'd get from a diagnosis, and you say he'd never go for it anyway! He sounds quite hard to live with. Is he kind to you?

Some of what you said rings true with my OH (it's not obvious but he was diagnosed at 4 years old), so could be. My OH is very sociable too, so although it isn't a typical sign, it doesn't mean someone autistic isn't sociable and outgoing.

Generally he's very kind and thoughtful in his own way, amusing and entertaining.

Another thing - hoarding and mess. He has now got three rooms full of boxes and boxes of stuff, keeps dead technology (six knackered dvd players / recorders in a stack under the TV table), all the packaging, and decades worth of paper - old flyers, catalogues, tickets, stacks of magazines ... Kept in no order, in piles, gathering dust, will not have them touched or agree to tackle them.