Tips for giving up booze please - struggling!

[S2P78]

Hello,
I'm 43 and want to moderate my booze intake/give up for good. I did sober October and that's the longest I've not drunk since I was about 25...I have a large group of friends who all drink LOTS and it's basically how we socialise. So, this is going to be difficult for that reason. But I've noticed that it really affects my anxiety and moods these days - to the point of depression for several days after even half a bottle of wine. Is this normal? I swear it didn't used to do that in the same way. I argue with my boyfriend when I'm drinking, and everything seems a bit of a struggle, and my work is harder - the only good bit is the actual early drinking stage, several glasses of wine in when I feel great.
I want to do the 100 day no-booze challenge - any tips on navigating friendships as I feel so judged by the heavy drinkers in my circle, and pressured to drink/they won't even say 'well done' when I say I want to go booze-free for a bit - just raise eyebrows :(
Any tips on nice alcohol-free drinks and encouragement, please?
Thanks!

You may find loads of suggestions if you post in alcohol support, there are lots of experienced quitters over there.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support

I read the unexpected joy of being sober when I decided I wanted to quit drinking.
Like you, I found I was being argumentative with DH, I was getting depressed (&anxious) after drinking and life was harder.
I did read somewhere about peri menopause and the affect of hormones on alcohol but I’ve just had a quick search and can’t find the article.

Your heavy drinking friends won’t say ‘well done’, and they pressure you to drink, because you being sober shows them up for how much they drink themselves. You drinking along with them normalises their own drinking.

If your friends won’t support you and help you on your journey you may, unfortunately, need new friends. Good for you wanting to reduce/quit. It really is life changing. Good luck!

www.theguardian.com/books/2017/dec/20/unexpected-joy-being-sober-short-history-drunkenness-review

www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/37754223-the-unexpected-joy-of-being-sober

www.beesoberofficial.com/join-bee-sober/join-the-sober-experiment/

I’m not an expert, I keep mine right down due to gippy heart and alcohol not agreeing with the pills. I mainly drink bitter lemon, ginger ale & lime, fever tree flavoured tonic waters, posh squash with fizzy water, Coke Zero. Lots of pubs do nice mocktails that look the part and taste good. I’ve not got on with the non-alcoholic spirits like seedlip but that’s just me.

Your friends could do better for you. Try to not need their acceptance. Let them raise their eyebrows, they’ll get used to it and you will feel like a new person

I think you have to mentally prepare yourself for what they will say / how they will react to you telling them you aren't drinking and plan out in advance how you will respond to it. It might be that you will need to avoid social situations, just until you are in the zone with not drinking. Bear in mind that when we choose not to drink around others who are drinking, often those people will feel (consciously or not) that we are criticising their own choices and so will do what you describe - raise eyebrows, say you're a party pooper etc - as a way of belittling and responding to the perceived criticism. So, try to factor that into the way you choose to respond to them. Also, take it one step at a time. You don't have to say to them (or to yourself) that you're not drinking for 100 days - you're just not drinking tonight. It will soon become habit. Have you tried the apps Hello Sunday Morning and the NHS one as well, where you can track your AF days? At the end of the day, you want to make a lifestyle change for really valid reasons - you've identified that your drinking causes issues with your mental health and instability in your relationship. These are really really good reasons to cut back / stop for a while. Ultimately, good friends will understand this and support you. If they can't do that, it might be time to take a step back from that aspect of your social circle for a while and look for other ways to meet new people who either share your goals or in social situations that don't involve drink (sports clubs, book clubs, walking groups etc). Good luck - you're doing something difficult but you will reap the benefits so stay single-mindedly focused on yourself and the good you are doing to yourself.

I stopped drinking because of a non related health condition, but I wanted to cut down before that
Now I normally drink Shloer in a wine glass, and only in the evenings. Sounds odd, but I treat it as my evening drink.

A helpful tip I picked up was that if I really felt like a drink on a evening out, I should promise myself that if I woke up in the morning regretting not having had it, to drink that evening. It's never happened - the joy of a hangover free morning never wears off.