senile primagravida

[Jimmy]

Are there any other older first-time mums out there? Facing the delightful 2's at 46, with menopause symptoms, a chat with similar would be appreciated.

Am not in your situation but just want to say "good on you"! Hope you are surviving, lol

Hi Sam29 thanks for the positive message - are you waiting for your first???
Hi Sobernow - like you - gave up career once I realised I'd finally got through my pregnancy. Even two years on, sometimes can't believe the wonder of it! Autumn days in the park with ds beat the office hands down. Yes it's tiring and only rarely manage to stay awake this long.....

I had to smile at the title of your posting Jimmy! You see, I thought that term would be applied to me, having my first (and only) baby at 37 years old. But not a bit of it, noticed no great drama about Downs' Syndrome tests, blood pressure or anything. Perhaps older first-time mums are more the norm now?

I was in fact 3 years older when my son was born than my mother was when I appeared in 1962. I spent almost the whole of my childhood in a state of mortification that my mother was 10 years older than the norm. I swore to her that I would have children in my 20's, funny how things work out isn't it?

Yes- brilliant thread title. So glad it's all going well, Jimmy.

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Hello Jimmy
I'm your age with a 5 year old so have got past the most tiring bit and now have full-time school to help! dd2 is not my first though as I also had (still have!!) a dd when I was v. young. Must admit to loving having a child in my advanced middle age!!

Hi Jimmy, I'm not a first timer, but my second son is three and I'm 44, so I, too am experiencing the joys of toddlerhood from an over 40 perspective. My older son was a toddler when I was in my late 30's and I cannot say that the extra five years has made much of a difference. I feel as tired now as I did then, but no more IFSWIM.

I do find, however, that I need to take more exercise to stop feeling stiff and siezing up. The reluctance to bend down to get toys off the floor has definitely grown with age.

Don't worry about feeling old at the school gates. Lots of mothers IME are late thirties - over 40s. However, you might not see many mothers of your age with just the one child. The over 40's tend to be mothers who have several children and have spaced them out over the years.
Now that's what I call exhausting!

Welcome to mumsnet - hope you like it here!

Hi Jimmy & welcome, I am also a menopausal first time mum - 45 next May, DS will be 2 in March so we are very similar!! I thought I was starting the menopause when I became pregnant which is why I didn't do anything about until about week 10!!

The good thing about being an older mum is, for me anyway, is that you are much more relaxed about the whole thing, also, I am lucky enough to have no financial need to return to work. When I look at other threads with mums with two or more children, full time jobs - I am truly inspired but that only makes me feel guilty at the constant exhuastion I feel - and I have a really 'good' sleeper (ie: 7am-7pm, plus at least 3 hours after lunch!).

I am also a little worried about being the oldest mum at the school gates, I am already by far the oldest at the toddler group - but, as someone else said here on Mumsnet, children will always find something embarrassing about their parents!

Good to 'meet' you.

Good grief, you can tell us older mums are exhausted, can't even writte clearly, my DS sleeps 7pm - 7am, not the other way around, thank goodness!!

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I can just about manage a needle but what does worry me is being able to understand all the 'cool' stuff they talk about - can't even keep up with some of the music/film/TV/cebrity type threads on mumsnet. The thought of the TV/music etc blaring in a few years is already causing me to panic!

Jimmy - I am 37 (a mere youngster - joke ok) and a first time mum - and one of my very good friends is also 46 and also a ftm with a nearly 2 year old. Are you my friend and if you are I feel terrible that I forgot to mention mumsnet - sooo sorry. Do you live in Hampshire? are we going to Farmer Giles' Farmstead next week? Why do you need mumsnet when you have meeee the oracle? If you are not - then welcome I know that I am not old enough for this thread, but I have had a hard life and look 50.

charliesmummy, looking at the time of your posting this "morning" are you suffering from lack of beauty sleep? Age is a state of mind so if you feel old enough for this thread.....(just teasing!)

Lindy, having teenagers in the house is actually wonderful from the "What? Who? When? How?" point of view because you get to know pretty much what "everybody" is talking about!

(Jimmy, I am 51, my eldest is 20 but my youngest is only 9, not a first-time elderly but still feel senile a lot of the time, plus I had "peri-menopausal" symptoms between about 46 and 49 but then had to have chemotherapy which knocked my ovaries on the head; hair now completely grey and lots of lovely hot flushes - I avoid the school gate! You will find the 2's a bit strenuous I think but, in between the difficult bits, they are so interesting and delightful - no sarcasm! - it will be worth it!)

Thanks for your messages - v. reassuring that there are others... besides Cherie! charliesmummy - not Hampshire - but Farmer Giles' farmstead sounds facinating - not much farming in Liverpool. School gates thing is not on my mind just yet - but have already been mistaken for ds' grandmother at supermarket checkout. Do worry about the 'cool' bit though. Ds already v. impressed by loud dance music, so will have to learn to live with it!
janh - sounds like you've had a lot to face - chemo particularly no good for ovaries/hair/energy. Any tips on dealing with hot flushes? After only a few, I already hate them.

Cam - I am on the night shift tonight and last night - see what do we do thread - as you will see I have to make hay while the sunshines etc.

I know age is a state of mind, however, I do worry for myself, I start a conversation and have absolutely no idea what comes next and the way to get to the punchline and I am 37! and I do have very beautiful ........... Ankles at this time of the day.

janh
can you expand on perimenopausal symptoms? I'm 45 (with kids of 8, 10 and 14) and I think I'm getting some of these (mostly confusion - even worse than normal state of confusion - but also insomnia and various others). Did you get any treatment? Was it any good? Sounds as though you had a hard time, if you than had to have chemo.

jimmy
are these the kinds of things you are feeling? I was really quite worried at first - thought I was losing my marbles

Actually I'm 46. Talk about confused. Who cares about age anyway - whatever you are your kidds are going to be embarrassed by something about you!

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whatever happens, I hope we're still allowed to log on to mumsnet after the menapause

Ooh, tigermoth, I hope so too, otherwise the batty old lady police will be round for me!

Jimmy and Copper, re the perimenopause, I had never heard of it until my cousin (same age as me) told me about it 2 or 3 years ago - I understood from her that although the actual menopause is supposed to last about 2 years, many women have menopausal symptoms over a much longer period (sorry!) than that. I think there are some comments about it on another thread here.

My main problem, pre-chemo, was terrible flooding every 26 days; using the absorbency rates printed on the Lil-lets leaflet I reckoned I was losing half a pint of blood each time - that stopped straight after the first dose of chemo so it wasn't all bad! (Hair now more or less back to normal though but the new regrowth period was interesting as a lot of it came out vertical - sticking up through old hair - also with kinks in different directions - had it cut really short eventually but I looked very odd for a while!)

I wasn't getting hot flushes then but have them now - I can't have HRT because my tumours (breast cancer) were hormone-receptor-negative, I don't understand why that means I can't have oestrogen (sp?) but it does. However my GP said I could have progesterone tablets instead (don't understand why that is OK either!) and they do work, but every time I finish a packet I wait to renew the prescription to see how badly they come back - after a month or so they are building up again a bit. Mine are mostly at night, not sweaty, just HOT - prickles all over - spend the night waking up hot, tossing bedclothes off, then waking up cold and yanking them back again; I wonder if this routine accounts as much as anything else for the forgetfulness, mood swings etc!

Haven't even thought about alternative remedies so no idea about black cohosh (sounds like a renegade Cherokee)

Have just picked up this site from google - they have lots but this seemed the best of the ones I looked at:

www.50plushealth.co.uk/index.cfm?articleID=1025

(MUST learn how to do links!)

janh - thanks for the suggested site - I'll give it a go.
Re perimenopause - GP reckons that's what my symptoms indicate and yes, it can go on for couple of years. I was surprised by the flushes starting though. I can relate to the confusion/occasional insomnia too. Weird to be woken up by hot flush, rather than restless child.
Never heard of black cohosh, will give it a try. I did read an article about bread developed in Australia containing a natural source of oestrogen. Tesco began selling it, but sadly, it tasted foul, with no apparent benefit. Maybe you have to eat loads.

If barred from mumsnet will stop this menopause talk straight away - anyone like to talk about popstars - the rivals?????

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