Childs health anxiety ruling everything

[Wintersnuggles10]

Hi, looking for advice on how best to deal with health anxiety?
Bit of background. My son is ten. We have had years of worry and stress with various issues. School thought possible asd/adhd when younger, referred to cahms, and he also had counselling. They made a diagnosis of anxiety.
Over the years and as he has matured we've been able to notice patterns and things that spark his anxiety off. Used to be meltdowns when he was younger but this doesn't happen anymore. Then it was friendship issues as he didn't seem to fit in very well. This isn't an issue at the moment as he has a secure group of friends.
When covid started, his anxiety spiralled out of control into health anxiety. At one point it was so bad he would have panic attacks in supermarkets etc. Again this has eased off at the moment which we are super happy about. But the general health anxiety remains. He has stomach issues which I think are related very much to his high levels to anxiety.
He catastrosizes everything. A small cut, his arms falling off. A headache, it's a brain tumour. His chest hearts, must be a heart attack.
When he wakes each morning his first words are telling me what's wrong with him. During each day on average he will probably tell me of ten different ailments he supposedly has.
Weve had him checked over and he's got a clean bill of health.

I suffer from anxiety myself and I do understand, but it is very difficult to deal with sometimes. I have other children to look after aswell, but he's the one who's constantly attention seeking with this. (that's how my husband sees it)
Should we ignore the ailments we come up with and try to distract him, or reassure him that he's OK? Or tell him to stop???
I usually reassure and try to move on, but he is relentless with it.
I have to admit this morning I have just lost my temper with him because he didn't even say good morning, it was straight into stomach pains and head pains. I told him it's not possible to have those many things wrong so often and he's making it up. Now I feel incredibly guilty and have cried about it. It's really tough to deal with sometimes and I feel so incredibly sorry for him aswell that he feels this way

Also to add, at the beginning of covid, he stopped eating because he couldn't swallow. He said he could feel a lump in his throat. Doctor said its something called hysterical throat. Luckily after about 6 weeks this eased off but that was the worst experience I've ever had. At one point he couldn't swallow his own saliva.

I really feel for all of you. I know adults who have had this sort of severe health anxiety, and the only thing that has worked for them is a LOT of counselling combined with anti-anxiety medication. But I don't know if that would ever be recommended to a child. I also had my own experience with it when I was quite convinced there was cancer hiding somewhere in my body (my son and my father were both being treated for cancer at the time) - and I remember being at the doctor's surgery and begging her to find it - she increased my antidepressants. And I did eventually realise that I didn't have cancer. I think it was general anxiety though which was coming out as health anxiety, which sounds like what has happened to your son?

Has your son been seen by a neuro-development team? This sounds a lot like my son, who has autism. He reacts very strongly to any illness or injury and seems to experience pain far more vividly than you or I would.
We're very blasé about his injuries with him so he can see that whilst we care, we're not worried. We do reassure him.

@Blueuggboots he had the assessments available to him but because he was engaged during the meetings, and when the educational psychologist observed him at school, they immediately ruled out ash's and asd. I am always have been positive it is asd, and the family and also the school treat him /deal with things as if he has a diagnosis. There is no other help available to us as he is high functioning.

I have health anxiety, so I totally sympathise with you and your poor son. Like PP said, mine was only controlled by antidepressants. It became overwhelming, I could barely leave the house and was sobbing in the doctors office because I was convinced I was dying. It's a horrible thing to live with.

I think for your son, he will need more counselling. He’s probably too young for medication, but it's just not a condition you can pull yourself out of easily. It was difficult for me as an adult, I can't imagine doing it as a child.

@Wintersnuggles10, gosh, that's a hard one.
My son is also high functioning and very engaged with people, but the fact is, he does have issues in all 3 areas that suggest autism.

I would go back to the doctors, surly he could take some kind of medication. He obviously has a strong imagination (that’s a good thing) and maybe he should also look into intrusive thoughts, I get that a lot and it really affects you.

Oh OP. This is tough. My starting point would be that all these things are real. It's just perhaps that he feels them more and are, in part, caused by his anxiety.

We had stomach pains with DS. Totally cleared up in the end but treated at the time with gaviscon and then omeprazol.

We now have an absolute host of other things. Eye pain, vomiting, tinnitus, I also suspect he is hyper mobile.

We just take everyday as it comes and rejoice in the good ones.

Hand hold for you. I understand how incredibly hard this is as a parent. I once got shirty with DS when he announced he was feeling sick just as we sat down to dinner. He then threw up everywhere. I wanted to hand in my notice as a parent, crawl into a hole and never come out I felt so guilty. But our reactions are human. You are frustrated and worried.

Just know you are doing the best you can under very stressful circumstances.

That must be so difficult for all of you.
My asd son is similar but I have far less patience and when he’s ‘broken his arm’ I say if it’s that bad we’ll have to chop it off
It has taken years to get to this point though and for him to not take it literally and go screaming to the neighbours that I’m going to chop his arm off.
In other words I don’t have a clue but I hope you get some help and support.

Poor boy.(and all of you, it must be very hard) I have a friend with a child struggling with anxiety and the doctor referred her for therapy. Has your GP not suggested that? Early intervention often has better outcomes.

Can you try going through the worst possible scenario? I'm not sure that would work with health anxiety but it could go something like - ds "my arm really hurts" you " oh no what could be wrong with it? Ds "I don't know but it really hurts" you "oh it could be growing pains- which you'll grow out of, it could be a pulled muscle - we could rub it better - it could even be broken, but if its broken the hospital will fix it, let's see if you have a broken arm" and then get him to move it so you can then say " well you're moving it just fine so it's not broken, I bet it's a growing pain". You've then reassured him that the worst scenario he can think of is still treatable and you've shown you've heard him.

What treatments have you tried ? What has GP suggested for health anxiety ?

He's had a one to one therapy with our local charity, this was for anxiety. Can only get 6 weeks maximum. It was a complete waste of time because I couldn't go in aswell, so they talked about irrelevant things etc. The coping strategies my son was given, he can't apply during the times he needs to. When he's in a state about something, all the coping techniques are useless.
He's also had a group video session for 6 weeks (video due to covid). I was able to listen to what was said and again completely useless as not personal to him. We gave up then really

Don't medicate him - not unless it's an absolutely last resort. If you can afford it, go to a private psychotherapist/counsellor specialising in working with children. Many therapists will consider lower rates if you ask them. But he'll need to be in for much longer than 6 weeks.

When was the onset, OP? Was there anything going on in the immediate family or with someone close to him? As difficult as this may be to consider, the cause is very probably closer to home than not, and may not be something you're consciously aware of. Children very often act out the unacknowledged patterns and behaviours of the adults around them, and particularly their parents.

Have you taken him to a doctor and specifically discussed getting therapy for health anxiety ?

As it sounds as though general anxiety therapy won’t be as much help to him.

It’s worth trying therapy first but medication can be very helpful - just it does usually come with side effects too so usually people want to explore other things first.

Hi OP, we are having similar issues with DS 8 at the moment. He is currently out of school due to anxiety.
Come join us on Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens (part 5) in Mental Health
Sorry can't link as on my phone
@Stilllivinginazoo should be able to link to it