Mild hearing loss, masks and angry interactions

[Blendabrethin]

I've recently been diagnosed with mild hearing loss. The audiologist has told me that I don"t need a hearing aid as I should only really have trouble understanding speech when people are communivating badly e.g speaking to me while turned away or from a different room etc.

However, because people are still wearing masks in a lot of settings I find I'm having a lot of really uncomfortable, upsetting interactions with people. I genuinely can't get over how rude and horrible people have been to me recently. Every time I have to apeak to anyone in a restaurant or a medical setting I almost end up in tears.

I don't know if it"s because I'm constantly having to ask people to repeat what they have said or because I kind of tend to scrunch my face up/frown while trying to concentrate on what they are saying (maybe they misinterperate my expreasion as anger?), or because of the slight delay in responding while I try and figure it out, I don't know 😐

I'm just finding that I'm not being well received. I've had people huff at me, shout at me, roll their eyes, talk over me to my partner, look at me like I'm stupid etc. It's constant. I had no idea that people were just so downright horrible, nasty. Judgemental and mean to people with hearing problems. It's not jusst one or two thoughtless people - it's almost eberyone I talk to.

At this point I am starting to wonder if it really IS because of my hearing problems or whether I have suddenly developed some sort of hugely unlikeable personality trait I am unaware of during lockdown. Or maybe lockdown has made everyone moody, irritable and mean?

Has anyone else had a similar ecperiemce with hearing loss? Or has anyone had a similar experience recently that hasn't been due hearing loss i.e. is there just a general lockdown vibe of weird, angry interactions going on? Is it me? What can I do?

I would willingly wear a hearing aid but the audiologist really stressed that my hearing loas was mild and I shouldn't need one 😐

Oh @Blendabrethin I so feel your pain! I am young and have a large hearing loss in both ears and it has been difficult with masks to say the least. I literally don't have a clue what 95% of people are saying to me, hubby included, if they're wearing a mask and I've had people who won't drop their mask (one being a pharmacist) and then continue to talk to me, I asked them to write it down and why and they wouldn't, I was so upset. Most people will drop their mask if I ask, but tbh I've isolated myself a bit since masks began and don't go out much any more.

I'm sure it's not you that people are responding badly to, but I find people in general are pretty clueless about hearing loss in my experience. Would you be happy asking people to drop their mask? I do sometimes and it makes all the difference. It's hard in some settings like a crowded area or with somebody medically vulnerable, but asking the odd person here and there and having a 'normal' conversation might help you feel you're not a horrible person after all 😉 hugs 🌼

Also wanted to add - if your audiologist says you'll have a problem with hearing people who are turned away, then they should understand that you have a problem with masks. Can you speak to them and ask for a hearing aid? x

I've hearing loss like this and I absolutely hate masks with a passion. I now have it on my file in hospital that I'm hearing impared and professionals still talk to me with their backs to me or whisper at me. Its so bloody frustrating!!!! I end up getting quite short with them and telling them that they need to please face me and speak up. I find it so rude when people ignore my request and then get frustrated when I can't hear them.

I have a severe hearing loss, my hearing aids help but I still have to lipread. A world of mask wearing people has been my worst nightmare, mainly because people are so inconsiderate. I go out as little as possible now.

You have to be very assertive with people who won't drop their mask - I just repeat myself:
I can't hear you with your mask on because I have to lipread.
(person keeps their mask on and keeps talking)
I can't hear you with your mask on because I have to lipread.
Repeat until they get it.

It's exhausting though. Which is why I don't go out much.

Sorry to hear this, can't believe people are rude or angry in this situation.

I got myself checked for hearing loss, but I am within normal range. However I do struggle to hear people wearing masks and in crowded situations. Makes social situations difficult.

I was out yesterday and bought a coffee , the person behind the till was hard to understand and the said to me 'cash or card?' , but I heard this as 'sugar?' and said No thanks... so he was forced to repeat himself!
This chap wasn't even wearing a mask, but so many people with customer facing roles speak quickly and unclearly.

I completely empathise with you and am sending you solidarity. I have no answers/solutions. I have hearing loss in one ear (which is currently worse as it's aggravated right now by an infection). I've had a few rubbish interactions when I've been out in public recently and it's shaken my confidence so much.

I totally empathise. I work as a GP Receptionist. Patients must wear masks unless exempt or an adult male of a certain age. I can't wear my hearing aid because the environment is so noisy. We've had a glass partition put up from desk to ceiling and it's an absolute nightmare. I have to ask people to repeat themselves or speak up. I'm waiting for the day someone says in a nasty way "are you deaf?"

My DS21 wears hearing aids in both ears and he works in a supermarket. He has worked throughout the pandemic and has found it extremely difficult in understanding customers who wear masks. He couldn't understand one customer who got aggressive with him and pushed him over! He usually takes his hearing loss in his stride but he was so upset after this. He is now concerned that masks may become mandatory again although he does appreciate the world can't revolve around him.

There's a lovely thread for people with hearing loss on here if you aren't already on.

I have a moderate loss and even with hearing aids it's so hard with masks.

Would you consider a sunflower lanyard I have one that says I have a hearing loss and it's been really helpful

Also so sorry people are rude to you there's no need for it

I have mild hearing loss and was offered hearing aids but didn't take them after doing a weeks trail (the sounds I can't hear are high pitched and sibilants and I found being able to hear them really unpleasant ).

I also live 98% of my life in my second language (all my interaction except with my family is in a language I didn't learn until age 32) and in an area a dialect of that language, is used by about 20% of people, which can add to problems.

However in all honesty I've found people very patient, helpful and cooperative 99% of the time. I don't ask people to lower their masks but say that my hearing is poor and then ask if I can clarify and repeat back what I think they've said.

This works really well. Its something I haven't really thought about, its just what I do - I think I started it years ago, long before masks or being aware of hearing loss, because I was communicating in my non native language and misunderstanding can obviously cause everyone problems.

Maybe try it as an alternative strategy?

Wouldn't help people with moderate to severe hearing loss who aren't hearing anything at all/ enough to have a stab at getting what was said without lip reading, but it does work if you are hearing part of what's said.

I am sorry you're experiencing this, sadly it is very common for people with hearing loss to struggle at the moment. I wouldn't get your hopes up that hearing aids are a magic fix though. I have single sided hearing loss and really struggle because I lip read a lot.
I take the up front approach now. If necessary I repeat myself until I understand but I have had a few years where I did pretend and try to cover up my hearing loss and it caused all kinds of problems. I think now I am older I care less about what other people think.

It is tough and people can be very unhelpful and rude and make you feel like it is yourself that is at fault.

However in all honesty I've found people very patient, helpful and cooperative 99% of the time. I don't ask people to lower their masks but say that my hearing is poor and then ask if I can clarify and repeat back what I think they've said.

This is dhs experience too. He has quite severe hearing loss and is being assessed for a cochlear implant at the moment but for now wears hearing aids. He just upfront says a cheery I'm pretty deaf so can you repeat that or some variation of that and people are normally nice about it.

I think people can get defensive and take you not hearing them as a personal slight on their ability to communicate and by dh saying he is deaf it takes away that defensiveness. I'm not saying people are right to feel that way but it does stop people getting shirty with him.

Thanks everybody x. It sounds like the best approach would be to be more clear and direct with everyone re. my hearing problem. I hadn't really considered wearing a lanyard - I had always associated those with people with autism ratjer than a physical difficulty.

If you’re having those problems regularly, go see another audiologist.

I am hard of hearing and do wear hearing aids but I still sometimes cannot hear people.

I have found telling people right from the start that you’re hard of hearing and to please look at you while they’re speaking, speak loudly and slowly, really does help. I look at people in an interesting manner while they are speaking, open faced and nodding when I hear them. Repeat back what was said if you’re unsure

I could very well imagine if you’re scrunching up your face, which is a frown, people will be short with you.

It's tricky when they just repeat what they already said.
Surely it's not that difficult to grasp that we already tried to hear the first time!

Yes! Plus I have a headache as glasses steam up, which only adds to my lack of patience.

What is the aforementioned thread please?

Thread for those of us that are deaf/hard of hearing? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/4340542-Thread-for-those-of-us-that-are-deaf-hard-of-hearing

My one sided hearing loss has progressed during the pandemic from mild to severe. I'm waiting for a new hearing aid. I absolutely understand and share your frustrations. I'm just tired of it all and tired of saying I'm sorry could you repeat that. You just end up feeling frustrated with people who know you're struggling, and stupid in front of those who don't.
It is definitely better if you keep reiterating that you have a hearing problem though.

Could you ask the audiologist to reassess you? You may have to push. Could another one be more sympathetic? Mention that mask-wearing is making life very difficult. I do understand, I have hearing aids for moderate hearing loss and they're an absolute God-send. You are very unfortunate to have to deal with such rude people. Deafness is one of those difficult disabilities as it's invisible. Some people just do not understand, do they? Hope you get sorted OP.

I’ve been completely nerve deaf in one ear nearly all my life - I can’t say I’ve experienced much difficulty with mask wearing, but then I developed ways to position myself so I can hear people. Failing that I just tell people I can’t hear a bloody word and can they speak up- if they can’t / won’t , that’s on them. It’s not something I ever apologise for and I won’t be made to feel inferior because of their ignorance. As far as hearing aids, I don’t wear one, but that may change in the future. If you’re struggling, why not try a hearing amplifier app on your phone?

OP I'm a teacher of the deaf. I have several children who are mildly deaf and have hearing aids.

Please go and see another audiologist. Even a mild loss has a significant impact and I can't see why you wouldn't benefit from hearing aids.

It was chaos yesterday at the covid booster vaccine clinic. They were running a flu clinic as well. Everyone was shouting at each other to be heard, I couldn't hear a word of the questions I was being asked, just this cacophony of raised voices.

I'd taken DP to 'interpret', fortunately. All very polite, though.

NB: All the shouting through flimsy masks really negates the point of wearing them.

FFP2 masks are much better and seem less likely to cause glasses to steam up. There are lots of work arounds fot the glasses issue too - glasses a couple of millimetres further from the face, wash glasses with washing up liquid in the morning (it helps), or antifog sprays or wipes. We have lots of family experience with glasses and motorcycle helmets as well as masks plus at work I support various people with special needs, many of whom are wearing masks with glasses without problems, having found solutions.

There usually is a work around. It does always help to state upfront that you're asking for help because you're deaf and make the person you're talking to feel helpful rather than wrongfooting them and putting them on the defensive.

That's what I've found - but obviously some people are just arses, and the example of pushing a deaf person over because of their disability upthread is actually the definition of a hate crime - a crime (assault) motivated by hatred of them specifically because of a protected characteristic - disability.

"Or has anyone had a similar experience recently that hasn't been due hearing loss i.e. is there just a general lockdown vibe of weird, angry interactions going on?"
OP may I ask how old you are? A lot of my interactions with strangers have felt disconnected and unfriendly and, maybe not hostile exactly but like they're barely tolerating my presence. Also people ignoring me or talking to dh instead of me. I wonder if it's my age.

My hearing isn't great so I often have to ask people to repeat what they've said. Sometimes people will raise their voice which could be perceived as hostile, but may just be emphatic? Idk, I suspect a lot of interaction is fraught with such difficulties now due to masks, you're not alone.