Any ideas for treating low self esteem?

[inneedofachange]

(I put this is feeling depressed but only got one (helpful) response so I've put it here too. I know it doesn't make much difference as far as active convos is concerned but people may have opted out of the feeling depressed topic. btw I am a regular but have namechanged)

I've suffered with low self esteem for as long as I can remember. I can't think of any one incident which triggered it, just that I've always felt inferior. My mum and dad aren't massively confident or charismatic so maybe there's a bit of genetics in there.
Now it's affecting the way I treat DS1, who's more like me than his dad. He's very sensitive and I worry about him turning out like me. DS2 is like his dad, confident and resilient and doesn't let much bother him.
I find because DS1, who's six, is like me I'm impatient with him and criticise him more than DS2, not all the time but probably enough to potentially knock his confidence. I really want to stop doing this and I am really trying but I think I need help building up my own self esteem in order to do that successfully. I just want to be the best mother I can to DS1 and not burden pass all my self esteem problems on to him.
How do I go about it? Should I try to find a counsellor? How do I find out if a counsellor is any good?
Any advice gratefully received.

This is the website for the Royal College of Psychiatrists It explains a bit about the sort of help available. You can get some help through your gp. If you still have a HV, it's really worth talking to them about how you feel.

I've been throug the mill a bit over the years, and it is possible to make moves to feel a bit better. Keep posting about how you get on.

Thanks hellobellosback, I'll have a look at that site.
Anyone else have experience of this sort of thing?

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Definitely some good counselling will help. Sounds like you might need to unravel your past and why it makes you behave the way you do.

On a more practical note, I find writing lists of great things that have happened that day/reasons why I am a good mother/things I have to look forward to/why I love my dc
helps!

Good luck

Thanks bluejelly.

cognitive behavioural therapy works really well for low self esteem. Your GP may have a counsellor attached to the practise or if not should be able to refer you.

Have you tried it littleboo?

I have inneed. i suffered from PND, diagnosed when my DS1 was a year old. Probably had had it with my DD1, but wasn't picked up then
Have also had problems since childhood with low self esteem, eating disorders - trainned to be a ballet dancer ... so was pretty much going to happen I think.
I had a fab counsellor, but you have to make sure you actually click with the person, if it doesn't seem to be happening then my advice would be to find someone else.
There is also a really good book, which I think is called "mind over mood" - its a kind of work book, so not all readingg or heavy going.
I also do yoga which I found is great for me, try and find something that you really enjoy doing and can feel a sense of achievement, same for your son as well.
Good luck, if I can help any more please ask

inneed - book is available on amazon - by C Padesky and D greenberger £12.71 at the moment( just checked it out,

I am sure you are a lovely mum to both your DS's and if you have a great DP/DH you must be doing something right! In addition to following up counselling options, do you do some sort of outside activity for a sense of your own worth (not that being a mum isnt rewarding but it is good to get involved with something else too) - either working or voluntary involvement in something or a hobby/interest?

Is DS1 involved in outside activities as well? If he has some interests of his own and you all do things together as a family and DH (and granny/any other close friends/relatives) spends time with DS1 then his self-esteem will have other positive influences too.

Thank you littleboo and dustyroad. I'm definitely going to try and get this sorted before it gets any worse.

Hi inneed.

I think low self esteem is very common and can start in childhood by being made to feel worthless (unintentionally). Children are told they are naughty, they are punished (often when they don't realise they've done wrong) and they are criticised. Consequently we grow into adults who doubt ourselves constantly (am I doing the right thing?, Do I look alright? Do people like me?).

By acknowledging you have fallen into this trap and by trying to understand why you feel like this you can try to change the way you feel about yourself / view life.

I haven't seen a councillor but I have read some books, which is a great help.