Hi there,
Apologies for the length of the post, and please bear with me. I'm feeling really fragile.
I've been struggling with a number of issues at work and have been seeing a counsellor, as well as bringing in someone to look at emotional intelligence in my department. As part of that process, both have suggested (independently) that I may be high functioning autistic.
I've since started reading up, as well as doing a few tests and there is a lot that I identify with - but I am also aware as a post-40 female, who is operating at a senior leadership level in the organisation, I have inherently developed a lot of mechanisms to cope with a differently wired brain. I'm exploring getting a diagnostic now (I will be a long process - plus I'm an expat, so a different system to the UK).
So - there are two thing (at the moment) that I am struggling with. The first is telling my husband. This all came up over a month ago now and I still haven't told him. So what am I scared of? That this gives a carte blanche for everything always being my fault. I am completely projecting my own fears on to him - but that doesn't change the stress this creates.
The second is that I am getting these waves of feeling really ashamed of who I am. I work in senior management and I'm now doubting everything about myself, and I also fear that everyone else's dysfunctionality when engaging with me will also be seen as 100% due to me (not suggestiing. I know that nothing has changed per se (and I haven't even had an official diagnosis) but that doesn't stop this feeling.
Has anyone navigated these issues? Any advice to give me please? Many thanks.