PND - anxiety emetophobia

[funnybunny1]

I have never posted on here before but last night things came to ahead in my life and I had to confront the feelings I have tried to hide since I had my baby 7 months ago.

I used to be a successful workikng woman who has confidence, strength and was very outgoing. I could take on a challenge and succeed. Oh how I've changed!!!

On the surface my life is great. Fantastic DH, a 3 year old boy and a 7 month old boy.

My 3 year old woke with a sickness bug yesterday which threw me into a blind panic. I came clean to my DH about this almost debilitating phobia.

I then explained to him my feelings. There were lots of tears and he suggested I sat down on my own and bullet pointed how I was feeling. It took everything in me to put my feelings on paper and I plan to go and see soemone now. Trouble is I know there is no quick fix and I feel panicy, anxious and am terrified I am going to get this bug. My feelngs are consuming my life.

I thought I would share my feelings with you as I hate feeling this way.

Exhausted - mentally and physically
tearful
anxious panic
can't sleep properly
low self esteem
poor self image
scared
morbid irrational fears about sickness - can't cope with this one - terrifying
frightened of getting worse
guilty as so many peoples lives are far worse than mine
stupid.

Please share your stories with me - hopefully some positive outcomes of both PND and emetophobia.

No special advice I'm afraid. Just wanted to say that you've made a huge and important step in coming out to your DH on this, and deciding to get help. Although in the very short term it might make you feel worse, it is going to make a big positive difference to you I am sure.
It sounds like your DH is constructive in his response.

Hope someone with more experience comes on to give you support.

Oh, and also, you do sound quite depressed, too. I hope you manage to find good professional help, starting with your GP.

And don't feel guilty for needing help. Sure there are people with worse probs but that doesn't devalue yours. A broken leg is no less worthy of help just because there are people with broken necks.

Hi,

You've just described what many of us go through in various degrees.
I do not want to undermine what you are feeling in any way. It's just that knowing you are not alone and this is a common process we go through might help you at least minimise that awfull feeling of low self esteem and guilt.

It's great that you can acknowldge your feelings. Even better that you have a husband that's ready to do the same. What can I say, you are even already considering help!
Why! you are more efficient than many of us who let this linger

My DS is 3.8 and now pg with N.2.
I went through a long patch of low self esteem for not "getting my life back" (ie: city job et whirlwind social life) and then I decided to stop beating myself up and enjoy those lovely years as a stepford wife because I will not get them back, whereas I will go back to a fullfilling/successfull activity when time is right.
I still occasionally get that panicky feeling and anxious thoughts about health/future of children on this dying planet etc... etc.... but I've learnt to praise God/universe/whatever for evreday's little blessings and I'm much better since I concentrate on that and count my blessings.

Get help. I can't help with with advice on medication, I've never taken any. I am pro exercise/meditation/omegas&good diiet&plenty of fresh.
That does not work for everybody and yes If I was in that panicky frozen state I would take a short course of something to snap out of it.
Surely someone can advise better on that.

Take care and rejoice in small things. Day after day, they help you see the bigger picture in a brighter light,

Thank you for your kind words. Since I've opened up about it I feel very tearful, but hopeful. I do worry about taking medication as I wonder whether it just masks how you feel rather than dealing with the underlying issues. I've got a GPs appointment for 3.40pm today.

I think medication can help overcome panic/tearfullness exhaustion in the short term.
You need it to snap out of it and get some perspective.
But I'm sure without therapy/introspection, it's as you say, a mask.

But again don't take my word for it, I've not taken any.
Why don't you go on the "feeling depressed" link?
Just sit down and read some threads. Lots of very enriching/eye opening posts and I'm sure knowledgeable people to answer specific questions.

Thank you for your kind words. Since I've opened up about it I feel very tearful, but hopeful. I do worry about taking medication as I wonder whether it just masks how you feel rather than dealing with the underlying issues. I've got a GPs appointment for 3.40pm today.

Hi Funnybunny - I could've literally written your post myself. I too had a successful career, earned loads, lots of perks, very outgoing, very "capable", was successful in just about everything I put my hand to.

So I expected having a child would be a breeze I was made redundant whilst on mat leave with DD (3.5), which really threw me (even though I couldn't feasibly have kept doing that job) She was also incredibly hard work for the first 4mths. I really struggled to cope, esp as all my friends seemed to just love being a mum. I really didn't enjoy it. On reflection I may have had PND 1st time round (also had crash section when I was hoping for a natural birth - which devastated me) but I just struggled through and eventually started feeling great when she was 2!

I then got pg again and the same happened. DS 8mths was very hard work again for the first 4mths and I ended up in tears in front of virtually every health professional at our medical centre. I knew after 5mths that all of the feelings weren't just related to coping with a difficult baby, so went to talk to GP. I guess I knew it must be PND as I have nothing else "wrong" in my life - supportive DH, enough money, healthy kids, lots of friends etc.

I've been on ADs for about 2mths, although I keep forgetting to take them so haven't had any for around 3wks. They've helped to just kickstart a more positive mood, which then motivates you to start acting on the insecurities etc. Eg I've just signed up for a 600km charity bike ride next year - need to get fit again, do something for myself, improve self-image etc etc. I too was very against taking medication - I've hardly ever been on antibiotics! GP admitted that ADs might not "cure" you but they will act as a catalyst to getting back on track.

Hope this isn't too waffly...

As for emetophobia - ditto. In fact I didn't even know it was an "official" (and common) phobia til I learned about it on Mumsnet - maybe do a search, there are some very helpful people here, incl Dumbledoresgirl (think I've got that right) and others who've had therapy.

DS has just got over a bad sickness bug - his third in 8mths. Someone is putting me to the test!! I find the anticipation worse than the actual event if you like, ie clearing up vomit etc. I worry myself to the point of illness that I/DD/DH will get it next... I'm not sure how to manage this yet, have heard that hypnotherapy/cognitive behavioural therapy can help? I'm sure someone else here will be able to start pointing you in the right direction.

Not sure if I've helped - hope your appt this afternoon goes well. Keep posting!

Well I've done what I thought I couldn't. I've been to see the GP. I've been given 7 night's worth of sleeping tablets and one month's worth of anti ds. I've got to call my HV tomorrow who will come and visit me and decide who would be best for me to see.

My GP put my fear down to an obssession - don't think she quite understood this.

amzonian women - thanks for your posting. It does help to know that I am not alone. I have to find someway of dealing with this emetophobia. I am so lucky to have a hands on DH who will happily deal with the worst of situations but somehow it just doesn't take away my fear.

Anyway here's to my first nights sleep in weeks.

Sorry I meant Amazonian women - typo!

Well done funny bunny!
Hope it all works out well for you!

Excellent you've made the 1st step

Hope you get a great night's sleep.

Emetophobia isn't an obsession! It's an awful awful thing to suffer from - and it can literally take over your life, esp at this bug-ridden time of year, with kids

I've just let my husband read this thread so that he can try understand my current situation. He's really supportive - I'm a lucky girl.

Can anyone suggest any therapy or treatment. It would be good to be able to make some suggestions to the HV when I see her (she also happens to be a really nice lady)

I've just let my husband read this thread so that he can try understand my current situation. He's really supportive - I'm a lucky girl.

Can anyone suggest any therapy or treatment. It would be good to be able to make some suggestions to the HV when I see her (she also happens to be a really nice lady)

i had a phobic anxiety phase around my dd's birth and mother's death (my phobias were varied and usually irrational, but totally real to me, with symptoms just as you describe) and eventually was persuaded by family to get help. The GP referred me for counselling, and the counsellor eventually suggested cognitive behavioural therapy. It's sometimes possible to get this on the NHS but quicker to go private, if you have health insurance. Then i saw a phsychiatrist who diagnosed phobic anxiety disorder and mild depression, decided CBT was appropriate, & referred me to a practitioner. eventually, after no success, the two of them recommended medication to get me past the immediate irrationality. It worked fantastically and completely turned my life around. Good luck!

oh sorry i meant to say that CBT is a good, successful approach but you may need medication to get you to the point where you can effectively learn and practise the techniques. i made it sound like it hadn't worked...

If you want therapy suggestions for the emetophobia (sorry, I don't know anything about PND and I am not sure from what you are saying which condition is the one you are worrying about most) I have been told that CBT is one approach and also NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Also hypnotherapy.

Amazonianwoman is right in that I suffer from emetophobia badly, but I have not been able to face any treatment and the initial stages of therapy did not help me. I can only tell you about therapies I have heard spoken of here on MN. If you want treatment for the emetophobia, I don't think it sounds like your GP understood the severity of your condition. This does not surprise me. You have to be very explicit about how you feel and you also might have to see a few doctors before you find one that understands that emetophobia is proper condition.

Good luck!

DUMBLESDORESGIRL -

I am sure the PN depression can be dealt with by, a hopefully short, course of anti ds
and some counselling or therapy.

The other issue is so deep rooted and goes back years that I'm more worried about being able to resolve this one as since I've had children has become a lot worse.

However I think each separate issue has had a knock on effect on the other.

Have you been able to find any any coping mechanisms to deal with this. I would be really interested. My DS understands something is wrong despite my very best efforts to hide this from him. I can't let this affect him in the same way it takes hold of your life

Is this the first time he has been sick with a bug? I remember the first time my oldest was sick with a bug. I cowered in the bed, petrified, while dh took ds1 to the bathroom and dealt with him. Trouble was, he had been sick all over the bed and that needed dealing with. I remained cowering in my own bed. What a mistake! When I eventually went to deal with it, well, I won't go into details, but that first experience taught me that, as scared as I am, it is far better to deal with it straight away than it is to leave it to soak into the mattress/carpet/sofa/whatever.

Sorry, I am not being much use to you I fear. What I am trying to say is that my coping mechanism, such as I have one, is to make sure I clear up the mess as quickly and as efficiently as possible. I cannot leave it for someone else to do as I am terrified of catching the bug myself and I cannot trust anyone else to clean properly. That may sound contradictory to you, I don't know.

Also, you have probably heard this a thousand times before - I certainly have, and did not derive much comfort from the words at the time - but as time goes on and your child/children (in my case I have 4!) have more episodes of sickness, you do develop ways of coping. I won't say it becomes easier, but you work out damage limitation strategies, eg it is better for them to be sick on something that can be thrown into the washing machine than something that can't. Also, you gain some confidence that you won't catch the bug yourself (the one time I caught a bug from my children, it all came out the other end for me ) Fanatically wash your hands and wash towels, flannels, door knobs, loo handles etc whilst your son is ill and that will lessen your chances of catching the bug.

Re not passing the phobia on to your son. That is hard. I cannot hide my feelings. But when my oldest child was about 8 I explained to him what a phobia was and explained that I had one about sickness. I told him that my feelings and reactions were not normal and not sensible - that a connection in my brain didn't work properly - and other people do not feel the same way about it as I do, and I hope that that will allow him (and my other children) to grow up without the same fear.

I am sorry I can't be more help to you. I do find though, as the years go by, that I cope reasonably well with the event when it occurs (far better than I did the first time) but the anticipation of when the next event will occur is the worst aspect of my phobia. That affects me every single day and is very trying.

I hope some of that helps.
(DumbledoresGirl under her Christmas name )

at ludicrously long post.

One other thing: I always find after one of my children has had a bug that I am plunged into a depression that lasts maybe a couple of weeks. I am overcome with feelings of being a hopeless and unworthy mother and of having to live with this inadequacy for the rest of my life. I don't know if you will experience this, but if you do, you are not alone and it does pass.

funnybunny - just a quickie to say that depending upon the antid, it can take up to 3 weeks to 'work', so bear this in mind!

Just to reiterate Dumbledore's coping strategies - I always have piles of towels all over the house if either of mine are ill, so they can be sick in them (rather than me or a bucket) and I can chuck them straight into the machine without thinking. I actually find it easier to clean the mess up quickly whilst DH holds sick child - he's a star, doesn't care if they're sick on him. The busier I am, the less time I have to reflect on what is happening.

And I go through gallons of Cuticura handgel to kill germs. DD uses this too. Cue very dry cracked hands on my part at the minute, but I don't care if it helps to avoid spreading germs.

(Dumbledore - didn't realise you have FOUR children. This phobia is one of the reasons I couldn't consider having a 3rd baby! Oh, and wrong side of 40 too )

Well I took my sleeping tablet and was asleep by 9.30pm. Trouble is I woke at 3.30am!!! Had an attack of anxiety followed by a stomach ache and then on the loo. (Bug?)

DH working from home today which I am so thankful for. He is so supportive and until the Anti ds kick in he is going to help me structure my weeks, something I am starting to struggle with.

Has anyone else taken the sleeping tablet Zopiclone. It definitely helped me get to sleep but I really need something which allows me a full nights sleep.

You have really helped me open up about how I feel ATM and I really appreciate your messages xx

Glad you got some sleep at least. Hope the stomache ache was not a bug.

Sounds like you have a very supportive DH

Structure definitely helps. I find if I can be showered & completely ready before kids get breakfast, I feel more in control. Then we have established things we do most days, like toddler groups, swimming, visiting friends, softplay etc. Just seems to make the week more enjoyable/bearable

I just thought it was worth asking do any of you know whether there are medications available to people like me for emetophobia?

I know that if I knew I wasn't going to be sick myself I could deal with the kids and all that goes with it.

If all else fails in trying to combat this it would be a great help. I'm pretty sure the anxiety about this is not helping PND

Yes funnybunny, I have seen other emetophobes here mention some drug they have got from their GPs that stops them being sick. It is not something I have ever really thought about (if I had a bug, I don't know it would be a good idea to keep the bug in) but let me search a moment and see if I can find one of the other threads that mentioned it.