Other emetaphobes are you out there?

[artichokes]

I know some mumsnetters see emetaphobe threads as a red rag to a bull. Please don't attack me for this.

I just wanted to know if any other emetaphobes are finding the current round of stomach bugs very hard to deal with? Since I had CBT a few years ago my phobia is pretty under control. But right now I am struggling. Everywhere I turn people seems to be discussing a new stomach bug. Yesterday I was out with a friend and her baby and was literally left holding the baby while she ran behind a bush having suddenly been overcome by a bug. I was calm and collected, she has no idea about my phobia and would not have guessed. DH was proud and said it was proof I am better but it does not feel like that. Since I saw her I have become obsessed with the inevitability of me getting ill.

I feel anxious and paranoid and depressed. DD is sleepiong very badly at the moment so I am tired and run down and I doubt my immune system could resist much. I know I should try not to think about it but I can't. I couldn't sleep for the fear least night. When I get like this I become paranoid that I am going to relapse into real anxiety as I did a few years ago.

Can anybody out there relate? This is my first winter with a child who is out socialising and bringing home bugs. I don't ssut want to learn how to "cope" with this (as I did through CBT), I want to learn how to ignore it, put it behind me and enjoy this time of year.

I am here Artichokes. Currently having CBT for this phobia.

Yes, its a very tough time of year.

If any reassurance to you: I recently went out for a drink with a friend. Shared a bowl of olives with her. She went home and puked that night. Then her daughter did, and her daughter's friend. Luckily I knew nothing about this because didn't see her again for about a week. But I didn't get the bug!

Me and the two dcs have literally been surrounded by people with the bug since Sept. Alls well so far but of course am just waiting for it to strike us ...

One thing that gradually dawned on me over my 5 or 6 sessions of CBT is that I would find it all less stressful if I could just accept my feelings, even my phobic ones. The guilt and fear and constant nagging worry are far more draining than the rare occasions when I have to deal with actual puke. So (my new feeling goes) perhaps I'll never really be "normal" in this one respect, its the way I am, but generally speaking I am an up together sort of person and a good and loving mother. Stressing about how I might react if my children are sick is the real problem. Its not those few phobic moments. I will find it very tough when they are sick - but its not everyday is it? And so on ...

Did the site just go down? I was trying to reply but everything froze.

Thanks for your supportive replies. You are so right Cali, it does suck. I try so hard not to let this beat me. I refuse to avoid siutations I find stressful because that would be defeat, I refuse to tell people how I feel because I would look weak, I did CBT and followed all the advice. I really try. But sometimes it is incredibly hard.

Its good to hear you reassuring story about your friend Daphne. I suppose there is hope. I know the worry it worse than the reality of the few occassions I do get ill. It is just so hard getting the other half of my brain to remember that. I try and distract myself but in the background my whole body is tense and my mind is racing .

I had this problem a long time ago, pre children. And while the thought of someone puking near me is still abhorrent (I think it would be to most people) I no longer worry about catching things. I have convinced myself that my immunity is strong enough, and some people are pukers, and some aren't!
I have a friend who vomits nearly every week! In fact she makes herself if she is feeling poorly, as it makes her feel better.

If you could cope holding your friends baby while she was being ill behind a bush, I think you should give yourself a big pat on the back. I know what it takes to do that!

Yes, this time of year is awful. I dropped dd in at school this morning and the teacher was looking rough. I asked her how she was and she said she'd been up all weekend looking after her son who'd 'puked all over the whole house' the whole time. I stopped breathing in then (of course) but I couldn't help but wonder if she'll pass anything onto the class. She said she's fine but she may be carrying it. And anyhow so many other people all seem to have it anyway! I don't know how to escape it.

I don't have the confidence of some of you that I absolutely won't throw up. I'm less worried about other people being sick than I am about myself being sick.

Morning sickness got to me I'm afraid. Not at first (I hadn't been sick since I was 8 before that and was 35 when pregnant), I just retched and felt nauseous, but then I did throw up a lot and ended up in hospital on and off. I've also had a couple of bugs from dd and thrown up for 24 hours in a row twice. So my immunity has expired!

And I have emetophobia more and more each year which puts paid to the idea that emetophobes are only afraid of vomiting because they never do. Vomiting made it so much worse because it became completely 'real.'

Well, I'm one that throws up occasionally. I managed to avoid vomiting during labour, but dd's very first gastro bug - last Xmas - caught me out.

Since September (as a family) we have had the grand total of 8 vomiting bugs! DP and I have escaped each time with just tummy pains, & nausea. DC's have had the full on vomiting versions. I'm seriously considering quitting toddler groups. Please tell me this gets better once they start school.

I am at the toddler group stage too AD. So far, touch wood, DD has not caught stomach bugs although she catches fevers every other week.

I can resist throwing up more than some but I am not like Cali, I am sick sometimes. In February I got a bug that made DH and his mum violently ill. I felt awful but stopped myself from being sick. As a result I suffered for 4 days and they were better in 24 hours. Sometimes I think it is probably better to let yourself be sick.

When I had CBT the therapist wanted to expose me (this was after many, many sessions). There was no good way to do this, so in the end we settled on a compromise. DH and I would book the African safari I had always dreamed of but was too scared to do in case I got ill. We travelled all around Namibia. I ate all the local food (only drawing the line at oysters that had sat in the sun all day). I had ice cubes in drinks and ate fruit and salads (something I never risk abroad). I did not modify any part of my behaviour for the holiday. It was amazing. We had the best time and I was fine. I wish I could find that courage to face my fear again.

A lot of my CBT is to do with "not avoiding" and "not checking". So when children in my dc's class are off sick, I am not supposed to try and find out why they are off sick, etc. And not quiz my kids or the children's mothers after the event about absences.

I find this helps. Cos all the time you are checking up on absences, you are hoping for reassurance that the children don't have vomiting bug. But sometimes they do ... so the checking makes you aware of something you were otherwise unaware of = more stress for you.

I have a stomach of steel but I too have been sick in adult life. Many, many less times than anyone normal would have been, but it has happened (once from too much alcohol, once from virulent bug at university, once from bug caught from dd, once from general anaesthetic, once from food poisoning). I am still here to tell the tale - and sometimes I try to have a bit of a sense of humour about my funny old ways. Am aware that sounds hidesouly patronising - don't mean it to, just clutching at straws for messages of comfort, really.

I hate to say this to the toddler stage people but ... dd didn't ever get a tummy bug until she started school. Toddler groups we were fine, lots of coughs and colds, but school! All day in contact with so many other kids and without me to remind her (every 3 seconds) to wash her hands. She went full time to school this January after a year part-time and in the first 3 months she had 3 tummy bugs, chickenpox, bronchitis and tonsillitis. It has been better this term though. So far. touching all the wood I can find.

Some advice about how to handle the threads here on MN: (and forgive me if I state the obvious here. I am not being patronising, you probably all know I am one of you)

I am like BelgianBun. I can't stop myself from opening those threads. Like I couldn't stop myself opening this one. I won't be doing this to this one, but the threads that tell of the current vomit bugs, I click on, I read (because I have to) and then I click on the hide this thread button at the top of the page. The thread then disappears. I know it is still there of course, but somehow not seeing it all the time helps me with the panic.

Please try this.

Oh and yes, I am living in daily fear at the moment and it is making me very cross with myself.

Poor dd, every time she mentions 'my tummy hurts' at the moment (which she does frequently being 5, just the slightest movement of wind in her guts makes her say 'my tummy hurts') I'm like the Spanish Inquisition.. "When did it start?" "Where does it hurt?" "What kind of hurt?" "Did you eat lunch?" "Has anybody else had a bad tummy at school today?" etc. etc.