Lightbulb moment - diet, exercise, water and sleep make SUCH a difference

[Mixington]

Now in my early 40s it’s really hitting home that it’s soooooo essential to keep an eye on these 4 elements.

My water intake during the week is ok (2 liters per day) as I’m sat at my desk, but goes out the window at weekends and I really notice it in terms of my attention, headaches, bad breath, skin loooking grey.

A few late nights working on big project stuff has meant less sleep than I’d like - I look so much older, I feel really lethargic, like jet-lag.

Go out for a drink, like 2-3 glasses of wine, and look like I’ve been dug-up the next day.

Have a take away pizza and feel sluggish for a few days.

I know I’m biologically getting past my prime, and I’ve never been particularly good at looking after myself but not massive unhealthy either - but just how delicately balanced this all is has really hit home.

We don’t eat that much processed food and generally cook from scratch, though do have a very sweet tooth. But I notice how I feel physically icky after crisps or chocolate or cake so it feels like I’d need to eat super clean and healthy the entire time in order to feel ok.

Likewise with sleep, one or two late nights (eg 6 hours of sleep) and I feel like a zombie for a week. But now the kids are a bit older (6 and 9) my evenings are shorter due to their bedtime being later and it would be just a cycle of work/sleep/work/sleep if I go to bed at a decent time and not get any switch off time.

I know I’m coming at this late in terms of starting to look after myself, but it feels like it will be such an effort and sacrifice to anything treat/fun to get the right amount of sleep, eat well, hydrate sufficiently etc.

And don’t get me started on time to exercise! I am desperate to exercise but other than getting up at 6am I can’t fit it in. And I can’t get up that early unless I’m asleep by 10:30 which as I mention above, with work, kids, husband, Netflix, life admin, speaking to friends and family, feels impossible.

@AmberIsACertainty

I literally prioritize this stuff over absolutely everything.

I manage it by working out how to do more than one thing at once. Not multitasking. I mean like taking children to park instead of playing in garden because park is exercise for me too. Putting radio on while I do washing up so I'm relaxing and doing house chores at the same time. Stuff like that.

Phone calls take from my day, so I screen calls and will set an alarm of half hour before calling back so my day doesn't get eaten up and I hang up when the alarm goes off (not rudely! I explain busy).

Meet friends for gym, swimming or yoga class so it's catching up and exercising too. If people drop by I put the kettle on so I'm upping my water intake and being social plus finishing the tea is a good marker for time to shoo them out.

And I make sure I'm 'there' wherever that is. So if I'm hanging out washing I'm enjoying the sunshine and birdsong, not thinking about the next task.

I always spend an hour in the bath reading before bed, that's my me-time.

A friend once told me "nothing important gets sorted out after 9pm" (because of being tired and not thinking efficiently and businesses being mostly closed) so I have a 9pm cut off for serious conversation. Unless their house is currently on fire or they're approaching imminent death, it can wait until tomorrow because nobody else's drama is more important than my heath.

I’m sure it’s my problem, but I feel irrationally annoyed after reading that.

Making lots of changes at once is hard. I've become massively healthier over the past few years, but it's taken time. For now, maybe focus on water, sleep, and cutting some unhealthy foods. That might make a big difference, and you'll feel better and more able to tackle big diet changes and exercise.

I started walking 20 mins per day and slowly (very slowly!) transitioned to running instead. Just 20-30 mins of exercise a few times per week can make a huge difference to how you feel.

I have kids the same age and the same kind of job. I never could figure out how to fit in the gym when we were in the office and used to just walk a lot on my commute, but since covid I have been forcing myself to do an hour once the kids are in bed (every night by 7.30am even when it's blazing sunshine outside in order to be up for school the next day at 6.45am - they can read on their own though). While they are getting their PJs on and teeth brushed I put on leggings and a sports bra - I read aloud to them for a bit then force myself to walk out of their bedroom at 8pm even if they still have the light on reading. I head to the front room and do an hour-long video of something - usually barre, sculpt, weights, etc, I've been slowly investing in some kit like hand weights, loop band, pilates ball and mat - or if I want to watch netflix I do it on the elliptical in our bedroom which we got for a couple of hundred from Decathlon but has been worth its weight in gold. I would love to go running but DH works in the evenings so I have to be in the house.

I outsource as much as I can to make time (housekeeping, garden, etc), and do a weekly meal plan every Sunday night. Life admin I also do Sunday night with DH when we do diaries for the week ahead, or fit in around my work day as I am sitting all day at my desk anyway.

It sounds a bit twee but I have been cooking a lot out of two particular books - one is called the Midlife Kitchen, the other is A Change of appetite by Diana Henry - both aimed squarely at people like us who are trying to prioritise health. If I don't plan ahead, we always default to takeaways...

Just to say also - these are things I'm still trying! I certainly haven't cracked it. With water, I'm trying to fill 2 1L bottles every morning on my desk (just old plastic Volvic ones) and forcing myself to finish them by the end of the day.

I know what you mean about big projects, a couple of weeks ago I had a massive thing I needed to get out the door to a deadline - I stayed up really late a couple of nights in a row, then had to pull an all-nighter and it wiped me out for days!!! I don't know how I did it with newborn babies and that wasn't even 10 years ago!

Another cookbook recommendation - The Green Roasting Tin. Veggie and vegan recipes, really healthy, really lovely, and all pretty much involve chopping some stuff, mixing some other stuff in and shoving it in the oven for 20-60 mins

Watching with interest!

@Xiaoxiong when do you have dinner?

In same boat. The really simple one change I'm making is to exercise first thing on 2 week day mornings a week. It has to be done first thing.

Mix we have a pretty regimented evening routine or it all goes to pot - 5.30pm, kids get home from school, in theory they do some music practice before dinner but usually they muck around playing and I pull dinner together and we sit down at 6.30pm as a family. We don't clear up completely after dinner, but everyone puts dishes and cutlery in the dishwasher at a minimum. At 7pm DH goes back to work, kids and I head upstairs, they take bath/shower, brush teeth, I supervise them to lay out their uniform for the next morning, I change into exercise clothes and they are in bed by 7.30pm - I read aloud to them for a while and DH takes a break from work, comes up around 7.45 if he can to tuck them in and have a chat until 8pm when he goes back to work and I go down to do an exercise video until 9pm. I then take a quick shower, put on PJs have about an hour after that to finish clearing up the kitchen with a podcast on, put a load of washing on, DH and I walk the dog together at 10.15pm and I try to be in bed by 10.30pm with a book!

Of course this is all post-covid WFH routine that we have had for the last 18 months...prior to March 2020 we had an au pair as I often wouldn't get home till 7pm or even later if I had client events in the evening. But I never managed to fit exercise in the week back then - I walked a lot on the commute and exercised on the weekends mainly. I still don't know what's going to happen in September and whether I can keep this routine up!!

I would love to exercise in the morning but I just can't - I am getting up at 6.45am as it is, we all need to be in the car at 7.30am for the school run and then need to be at my desk for 9am or even 8am for early zoom calls with Asia. DH starts even earlier, he walks the dog at 7.15 and is working by 7.30am. I have no idea how I'm going to fit in a commute again unless we recruit an au pair or we set up a school bus.

G*reatAuntFanny
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My reaction too. 😂

Thanks @Xiaoxiong sounds like you e really got things under control. Is it hard to be that structured? It sounds like it would take quite a big effort ! And you’ve got a dog too!!

We’ll be back in the office soon too, but my commute is 10-15 min drive so that doesn’t complicate things too much, though can’t say I’m looking forward to having to go in.

There is a gym at work too, though I dread seeing colleagues in there. But perhaps I can find a way to go when it’s quiet or at the end of the day before heading home….. but then I think I should be watching the kids at gymnastics or just being part of their life a bit more rather than taking time for myself…..

It is often a lot of "right, go go go, plates in the dishwasher everyone"! There is no time for dawdling - I think it helps that DH's job is very structured and we live in his workplace (tied accommodation) so we kind of fall in with his work schedule. We know when we hear the bell go at 7pm that it's time to head up for bed and DH has to head downstairs, the kids know they need to be in bed and ready when DH comes up at quarter to 8 or he can't tuck them in and say goodnight, which is important. Sometimes of course it goes off the rails, usually when we let them stay up too late or one of them throws a strop! And we all pay for it the next morning when we're all tired and grumpy.

My commute is 90 mins each way...how I ever did that and fit in anything else I have no idea!!! (answer: I didn't, I never exercised, we had too many takeaways and I didn't get to put the kids to bed most nights).

But on this point of taking time for yourself - you must! You really must. You can't be present for your kids if you are burned out, exhausted, lethargic or scattered.

Lisa Mosconi has written a book called the xx brain, around peri/menopause and implications for later brain health/ dementia.

She basically lists all those things with more detail around best foods (low meat, fish and tonnes of fibre and rainbow foods) but also says that exercise wise it doesn't need to be tonnes, just regularly. Just a 15 min fast walk or YouTube work out several times a week. (I'm severely paraphrasing, book is better, or she's been on a few podcasts.)

Daily om do 10 day - 14day classes you can buy, some I've recently seen are 10 mins long. I've bought them as they're exactly what I need for phyiso/ Pilates/ strengthening core (what I was given a few years ago by a phyiso) but I need to copy someone. I've been really impressed.

Skipping rope properly for 10 mins is a killer. And tones arms too.
Weights
12 min athlete
March up and down stairs holding weights for 10-15 mins

Swimming and really push it for sprints in a hitt like way.

Echoing other posters about merging excercise into other stuff that you do - either social activities or what I used to do, which was run as part of my commute. On public transport it was 45m but I would run part the way (about 30m) then shower at work,in total it took an hour. And extra 15m in my day for 30m excercise!
You have to be able to walk into the office looking like a mess though 🤣

Mealtimes I will always make a big salad alongside what every meal I'm making. DD will have the normal meal and I will substitute the carbs with tonnes of salad. My salads aren't plannedd, they are random, I just buy loads of leaves, cucumbers, avocados that sort of thing and just use whatevers about to go out of date.
It fills me up so long as I have decent protein alongside it.
I make too much then take it all to work the next day for lunch 😃

I don't notice short term effects (I can eat a takeaway or have a very late night and feel fine the next day for example) but I know I have to do this stuff and have found it hard, my DCs are teens and up till 11 in the evenings now, I can't take up the living room for exercise all evening as its not fair on them and DH and we don't have much other space. Also I'm their taxi to sports etc but OTOH when we are at home I can just walk out and leave them.

So, yes to short youtube workouts, I get up and do a low impact 10 minute HIIT workout in my pjs, no need for sports bra and trainers as its low impact. It sets me up really well for the day. Also I change into leggings/teeshirt/comfy low impact sport bra as soon as I get home so I can grab a short yoga or resistance workout or jog without having to change again. I keep resistance bands, yoga mat, handweights, yoga blocks all to hand.

Meal plan for the week on Sat morning (should be doing it now) for supermarket delivery Sunday morning. Keep in masses of fruit and salad, frozen berries for smoothies. Take menopause vitamin supplements. Have oily fish in my packed lunches several times a week. Virtually no alcohol but I never really did.

I'm glad you mentioned sleep, because I'm a bit of an insomniac. Part of it is because of my cat - he goes out quite late and doesn't come back till 1am or later. But apparently lack of sleep causes weight gain and Im wondering if keeping better hours, going to bed before midnight or whatever, might help. I know it's partly my own stupid fault because I WFH - I'm a freelance translator - and because I was still doing a day job when I started translating professionally, I got used to working at night and when I've got a lot of work on, or a long and/or urgent job, I end up working until 11:30pm or even midnight.

I think with exercise you have to grab it wherever you can and recognise that it does add up - don't dismiss small amount as being useless. So if you have 10 mins, as tempting as it may be to do anything else, go for a speedy walk round the block; get your heart rate up etc but don't worry that it's only a 10 minute thing. It's better than nothing and if you could do it 3 times a day that would be awesome, but if you can't that doesn't matter. Use your stairs for an impromptu step class for 5 mins or take them 2 at a time at a speedy pace.

It's hard juggling everything. Food wise, if you/DH can get ahead I somehow find it much easier to cook for the next day. So if I've premade a bolognese say, I then find it perfectly ok to spend 15 mins chopping salad and marinading chicken or whatever for the next day whereas doing it on the day is stressful somehow. No idea of the psychology behind it and it may just be me!

I think you said you're overseas, do you have a gousto equivalent?

Sod’s law. Carved an hour out of my day to go for a run… it’s CHUCKING it down. Like torrential. Am still wfh and kids now at after school clubs so will aim to do a home workout.

I now block an hour at lunchtime in my calendar to go out. Some days its a fast walk because I have to be camera ready as soon as I get back, sometimes I have a swim, sometimes a run. If I really can't get out I do a Joe Wicks workout off the DVD, but its now non negotiable on exercise everyday. WFH, I put a sports bra and leggings/sports socks on every morning so even if I need to pull a respectable top on (though a scarf covers most visible sports top) I have no barriers to getting out.
Busy days I make a flask of tea and a chill bottle of flavoured water so I don't need to go and get a drink, its right there on my desk

@CMOTDibbler

I now block an hour at lunchtime in my calendar to go out. Some days its a fast walk because I have to be camera ready as soon as I get back, sometimes I have a swim, sometimes a run. If I really can't get out I do a Joe Wicks workout off the DVD, but its now non negotiable on exercise everyday. WFH, I put a sports bra and leggings/sports socks on every morning so even if I need to pull a respectable top on (though a scarf covers most visible sports top) I have no barriers to getting out. Busy days I make a flask of tea and a chill bottle of flavoured water so I don't need to go and get a drink, its right there on my desk

Have you lost weight and/or gained muscle tone from this? I'm really impressed by this and would like to do similar on days I don't have an exercise class booked outside of the home.

@cowbells yes, even in Feb when for various reasons I was only doing a fast walk and Joe Wicks, I saw massive improvements in tone and muscle definition. I'm pretty fit anyway, but actually improved my VO2 max two points in Feb/March.
I'm doing 16:8 Sun-Fri and have lost a lot of body fat

When you go back to the office could you walk there or walk part of the way??

Cycle?

[quote CMOTDibbler]@cowbells yes, even in Feb when for various reasons I was only doing a fast walk and Joe Wicks, I saw massive improvements in tone and muscle definition. I'm pretty fit anyway, but actually improved my VO2 max two points in Feb/March.
I'm doing 16:8 Sun-Fri and have lost a lot of body fat[/quote]
That's really inspiring. Thank you.