DD not eating and not sure what the problem is. Behaviour and development possibly?

[Nbg]

I was going to post this in behaviour and development but it wont let me access it for some reason.

Basically dd (4) has just about stopped eating over the last 4/5 days. She doesnt seem unwell but now looks quite pale and tired.

She had a very bad nights sleep 2 nights ago, in that she was up for an hour at 1am and then awake for the day at 4am.
She napped in the afternoon for 2 hours out of sheer exhaustion and out of desperation we took her to Mcdonalds for tea only for her to waste the whole lot, which is not like her.

Yesterday dh decided to get her involved with making the dinner hoping that it might work and she would eat it. So they made a fab chicken casserole. I dished it up and gave her a very small portion.
It took her over 1 hour, lots of nagging and patience for her to eat it.
Dh had to sit and coach her through every mouth full.
Today its taken her an hour and half to eat a small bowl of cereal and shes now got a sandwich which shes had for just over an hour.

She will happily eat sweets but obviously she isnt getting any.

Just to make things totally clear, I am due baby no.3 in a few days and both dh and I have asked her about it and if shes worried, to which she replies no.
The only thing that has come up is that she said she didnt think dh loved me because she has heard us bickering but it wasnt anything bad and its only been over some decorating.

She also has an imaginary friend called Gimber and we have noticed that she has been talking to her alot more recently and when I've questioned her about Gimber, she is basically telling me about herself. Gimber likes/dislikes things dd does, her mummy and daddy do what me and dh does etc.

I'm not really sure what to do now about it.
She is starting to look a bit poorly and is obviously tired but I dont think she is ill iyswim.
Is it worth visiting the gp or could this just be a behaviour problem?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm starting to worry a bit now.

make gimber dinner?
look through a catalouge to get a present from new baby sorry not much help really just keep trying ,

i used to play a little game with dd i would put fruit out and then say i hope a that little mouse doesnt eat it then i would turn away and she would eat it and then i would say oh no!!!
im sure you get the idea, hope this helps

Yes I know what you mean.

We tried the Gimber eating dinner last night but it didnt really work.

I do remember having problems with her last summer when ds was due but we had moved house too and it was alot for her to cope with.
She wouldnt go to bed, was wetting herself alot and being fussy with food.

Sometimes they can enjoy the attention they get from not eating...i.e you nagging her and coaxing her to take mouthfuls for hours is spending time with her...she probably is feeling quite insecure with new baby arriving and needs extra attention.

Personally I believe that they won't starve - although i know i HATE it when my DD won't eat and end up coaxing her to as well...

I would not make a big fuss about eating, put meal away if she won't eat..and give her lots of cuddles and attention in other ways!

How difficult for you.. I would be tempted to offer her something at each meal and if she doesn't want it then just ask her to sit until everyone else has finished and not make any other comment about it.

if she is feeling a little run down could you try giving her a multivitamin thing to see her though.. (I don't think they should be used all the time but just to see you through this time)

is she drinking? what about cuppasoup type thing? this will get some calories into her without her having to eat.

Also not sure how much time aside from mealtimes she is getting with you but you could find that if you find her 10 minutes of your time with no other interuptions she may respond. (we did a parenting course last year and they reckoned that 10 minutes could buy you the whole days peace - worked for us!)

Anyway good luck
Jen x

It is possible that she may be coming down with something or she is upset/worried about something (although 4 days is slightly long not to be eating due to a potential illness).

The only advice I can offer is not to ask, cajole, threaten, bribe, coax - or ask her too often what is wrong.

How about offering to make her favourite meal?

Yes...maybe she is worried..I didnt mean to sound harsh in my post...I agree you shouldnt coax though...!

Thanks for the replies.

Well last night I offered to make her one of her favourite meals (pasta in a sauce with bacon etc). She said she really wanted it and didnt want what me and dh were having, so I made her that.
1 hour later and its virtually all still on her plate.

Dh also made a reward chart with her. They made it all sparkly and she decorated it how she wanted.
Its sat on the fridge this morning with no ticks on it

Yesterday I also gave her all the sheets for the babys new moses basket and asked if she wanted to make the babys bed up. So she did that and then we sorted through all of ds's old baby clothes and she sat and folded them and put them to one side.
I thought maybe getting her involved that way might help but I dont think thats the problem.

Nbg, she may be coming down with something, but I would say that you are really storing up trouble for yourself by paying this so much attention.
You are not going to be able to continue doing this with a new baby.
She will eat when she's hungry, it's as simple as that.

But what do I do, just offer her meals?

Its really hard when ds sits and has a snack and she isnt allowed anything.

Offer her meals..and let her have a snack if she wants it..if she doesn't then..just leave her and ignore it!!

yes Nbg I would do just that.

I have 6( young children) to feed and there is always someone who won't eat, is making a fuss etc.

What I do in these cases is to very calmly ask them if they have finished and tell them to leave the table. I make no fuss at all.

The non- eater might be quite likely to come to me later saying that they are hungry and can they have a snack.
I say (again calmly, and without any spin) that they can't because they chose not to eat dinner and will have to wait until the next meal. I also say that if they eat their meals then they can have snacks.
Sometimes if I'm feeling generous I let them have a piece of fruit or veg.

I think the most important thing is NOT to make any sort of fuss, positive or negative as it is attention for doing something you don't like and that can never be a good thing.
She will eat, don't worry

Offer meals and snacks the same way as you always have done. DON'T make a fuss about what she does or does not put in her mouth. I lived on 1 tomato ketchup sandwich per day for 2 years between 3 and 5,but am now a healthy hefty and intelligent (ahem) bruiser, with no food issues and a good varied diet.

drop the subject of the baby. Remove some of the focus away from food and babies, and onto fun things like picture dominoes. Don't give her a star chart for eating, IMHO that is a really bad idea, and will give it far mor attention than a lack of appetite deserves. let her get down from the table if she doesn't want it - stick it in the fridge and let her have it a couple of hours later - but not straight away - you are not a short order chef!

Tomato ketchup sarnies

If I mention jam sandwiches her face lights up!
Revolting.

Right I'll do that today then. No fuss and if she doesnt eat then thats that.
What about time? Do I leave her the same time as me and dh?

What do you mean by time?

Well how long should I let her have at the table with her meal?

I hesitate to write this as I am going to sound like the expert when in reality I would do all you have tried plus a huge amount of emotional blackmail to get my kids to eat

BUT

I agree with all here who have said not to give this behaviour any attention. Give her until you and dh have eaten, maybe 5 minutes more if she is showing any signs of eating, and then let her leave the table. You can store the food in the fridge in case she wants it later, but even that is playing to her demands.

If she has shown no signs of illness so far, it is unlikely she is actually ill. I suspect she is jealous of the baby yet to be born. You must be exhausted too so use the time you are resting to read to her and play with her and let her know how much she is loved.

Nbg, I would say that only you know how long she usually takes (on a good day). If you and dh have finished and her food is cold and she is basically playing with it then take it away. You could always let her know that she has to finish in x time and then it can be her choice.

I'm exhausted from nagging

I know the exhausted from nagging feeling. So rejoice! You are going to nag no more!

(Yes, I know, some hope! but try anyway).