it is Steves last week of radiotherapy & chemo, so why can't i feel happy about it?

[onlyjoking9329]

it is the last week of steves treatment and we are having mixed feelings about it, a lot of people have said i bet you will be glad once treatment has finished and at the begining of the 6 weeks i thought that would be true.
however now the end of treatment is close i am now worrying and this might sound odd.
whilst i can take steve to hospital everyday ( i feel that i am doing something)
we have the nurses and drs around to deal with any problems and stuff.
we have other people at hospital fighting the same stuff we will miss them.
at the moment we feel proactive as we are actively doing the treatment once this is finished then the tumour will just continue to grow unchecked and there is nothing we can do about it.
we will have to wait 4 weeks after the end of treatment to see if tumour has shrunk or stayed the same, we don't get another shot at the treatment so it needs to have worked in order to buy steve more time.
after the scan we wait 2 weeks for the results depending on the results steve may get more chemo 1 week in 4 this will take place around christmas

OJ - 'loving steve as much as i can whilst i can' - will pray for lots and lots of time for you to do that.

The bad news is that it's my birthday on the 15 and we were hoping to go away

OJ: xxxxxxx

At least you got to see the consultant who knew what he was talking about. Fingers crossed now then, hope all goes as well as can be expected at school today x

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx OJ! You are a wonderful woman.

OJ you are a wonderful woman I agree. It is hard stopping the treatment but the chemo may continue so that's still "doing" something. I have all my fingers crossed you get a good result with the scan. The 4 week waiting period before it is difficult as is the week till you get the results. My DH has just finished his 4th month of 1 week in 4 chemo ... his last one is over christmas. Stopping that is going to be really really hard. We found a website the other day ... can't remember what it was ... but people would post their side effects/results they've had with different treatments. Anyway there was a guy on there who was diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour (a glioblastoma multi-forme ... same as our dhs I think) and he is still taking temozolomide (1 week in every 4) and uses it as preventative medicine ... he was diagnosed 4 years ago and it hasn't recurred yet. There's always hope ...

no chemo for christmas!! Best news!

i would be very intersted to read that acticle WC, the longest i have found that anyone survived a GBM4 is 13 months, i guess it depends how early they catch it and also how much they can remove, steve has 4 roots still in there which can't be removed.

Hi OJ,
Just popping in to say hello, you are never far away in my thoughts these days, xxx

Thanks, steve has been asleep for most of the day but not in pain
i am bracing myself to watch the mummy diaries on at 9pm CH4

i know it will be sad but it might have some useful ideas for talking to the kids.

mummy diaries

Just checking in with you OJ are you watching the programme?
i am afraid i only watched a few moments of it, how difficult this must be for you to be living the reality heaven knows
(((hugs OJ)))

i did try to watch it but got too upset it made things all too real which of course is silly cos i know steve is going to die, i just don't want him to. i want to spare the kids and very selfish i know but i want to spare myself too.

Oh OJ feeling for you and your family.

Ju x

well steve has had his very last radiotherapy treatment and he has 4 weeks until the next round of chemo
we went out for lunch to celebrate.

hope you had a lovely lunch altogether
thinking of you and yours

yay for lunch, at least, oj! hugs for you and steve and the kids - don't worry about it, you will find the right way of telling them when it's the right time. let me know if you ever need another cake, it's all I'm good at.

Hi OJ - how are YOU? xxxxxxxx

i am doing ok holding it together. had a lovely lunch. Steve was much more with it today thou he is convinced the treatment hasn't worked and we won't know either way until 11th december.
He has had a lot of pain tonight so had some pain killers he is supposed to be going out with his brother tomorrow to vist his sister on her boat it will be great if he can go so fingers crossed that tomorrow is better pain wise.

Hi OJ. Glad you're doing ok and that you and Steve had a nice lunch. It'll be nice if Steve can get to go out tomorrow. Are you going too? Kids?

DS is going but steve sister has a dog, so i can't go as have anaphalaxis to fur and the girls are frightened of dogs so i will be taking the girls out for lunch with one of there school mates and her mum

Cor, that'll be nice for you and the girls then OJ? I'm hoping my dh will take my kids out for me tomorrow after he gets home from work....oh, how I'd love a house of peace and quiet!!

blimey i can't remember when i last had the house to myself, must have been december last year

I rarely get the chance to have the house to myself. When the kids are at school/playgroup I am at work but I might be lucky and get home before they come home and if that's the case I walk in the front door and go 'phew, peace....' and promptly put the tv on for company!!! It is nice to sit and listen to nothing sometimes. If I have to get up during the night for one of the kids etc and I head back to bed I often sit up in bed and just listen to whatever noises there are....dh snoring, kids sleeptalking, dogs snoring, police sirens....