Name changed as I'm embarrassed. I've always had ocd. From as early I can remember I used to count the letters in words that came up in the tv, they had to land on an even number. To get it to an even number if it was odd I would then count the sides of the letters etc until it landed on an even number, usually 20. As I've got older and had kids it's got worse. Now I check things, the cooker, the window in my sons room and actually count my sons breathing while he's asleep. I'm ashamed to even be admitting this as I do sound unhinged. It's starting to take over my life though, I can easily stand at the cooker just staring at the hobs making sure they are (quite obviously) in the off position for ages! Then it's my sons window in his room, I will do a weird routine of pushing to make sure it's locked and then pushing the handle and keep doing this until my brain suddenly goes "okay it's locked"
I can sit looking at my sons chest rise and fall for a good five mins or so.
It's ruining my evening as I just can't relax until this is done. I just want to be able to be normal and relax and not think something bad is Gona happen if I don't do these things! I was on antidepressants on and off for years and they must of helped as I don't remember ever being this bad. Is this the only way I can stop this behavior ? I don't really want to go back on them, although I do have pretty bad anxiety.
Does anyone have any experience of this type of ocd and managed to stop it ?